To date friends ex?

[imasize3]

My friend had an ex and they were together for a year, she wanted them to move in together (he lived about 2 hours away at the time) and that was the catalyst for their breakup as he didn’t want to.

Three years since and she’s living with her fiancé and seems very happy. I bumped into her ex on a night out and found out he’d moved back and we live close, he added me on socials and we’ve been talking non stop and he’s asked me out.

I’ve spoken to my friend and she’s clearly pissed of wish me and said she’d prefer I didn’t go out with him

Which?
Presume that they would forego any relationship you said they should?
or
Expect that when you’re about to get married to someone else, that all previous rights of veto have to be handed in?

I agree. It's been three years and it was only a year relationship.

Go for it but you’ll lose your friend, can you not imagine the great foursome dinner get together with her and her fiancé and you and her ex. UNTENABLE

You asked her, she answered. What you do with the information is up to you.

They dated for a year & broke up 3 years ago. She's moved on & now has a fiance!

Unless she's still harboring feelings for this ex (or a grudge!) the friend is being a bit precious.

Presumably you are all adults & your friend would want you to be happy. If you have a genuine connection with this bloke, then I'd explore it. What if he turns out to be the love of your life but you missed the opportunity because your friend was a bit upset. Date him & see where it goes.

Your friend will either get over it or she won't.

Why bother asking your friend if you're going to completely disregard her request?

There's around 33 million blokes in the UK, why go for the one that's going to upset a longstanding friendship?

You do realise that most people you get with are “sloppy seconds” and unless you’ve only had the one partner you yourself are also “sloppy seconds”

What a weird view you have. I can only assume that a majority of people on this thread have been with one person who was a virgin.

You asked and she answered. Now it's up to you - friend or fuck.

OP, you don't have her approval, and the consensus is that you don't have ours either. You asked her, got a no, so you asked us, and got another no.

You don't need approval, of course. Get off with your friend's ex against her wishes if you want. It's your choice, not ours. But if you need to keep asking others, then perhaps you're not really as ok with it as you want us to be.

Eww and still sounds like you're going to go ahead with it. Have some self respect. There's millions of single men, you don't need the one that's dipped it in your friend.

Obviously you don't care what your friend feels about this situation and from your defensive responses to pp here you're just going to do it anyway. Why have you posted when you already know you're going to pursue things 🙄

It’s not defensive. But a stupid comment deserves a stupid response.

When most men people have been with on this thread have likely also had their dicks in multiple women.

Oh come on, sleeping with a man who has slept with other women is completely different from sleeping with your friends ex, surely you can see that

If your good mate asked for permission to bonk your last serious/long-term ex, you'd be totally fine with this, aye?

Obviously most adults have slept with other people but pretending that's the same as sleeping with one of your good friends is deranged. If you've already decided what you're going to do why even bother asking for opinions??

I couldn’t do it, not because he’s had sex with her but I couldn’t handle the thought of what if he compares us. Silly but that would put me off plus your friend is obviously uncomfortable with it. How close of a friend is she? Someone you see regularly? It doesn’t matter if she has moved on going with your friends ex is line that shouldn’t be crossed

But how is it different? I'm still not seeing why it's an issue?

If my DH had been put off me being his friend's ex we wouldn't have got together and so far enjoyed fifteen happy years.
You can't live for someone else and put their happiness over yours.

Bc she wants to use this forum to justify to herself her friend that’s it’s not a piece of shit scummy thing to do?

Bc it’s personal - she KNOWS the woman he’s had sex with well. Its completely different knowing the person your partner has had sex with and being their so called friend to knowing they’ve had sex but with ‘anonymous’ women who are basically faceless to you

How old are you? How close are you in terms of friendship? Why did she say no to you dating him?

Not sure I understand why people on here are automatically saying no to this tbh

I, and I think a lot of other people, will have had friends who didn't work out as partners who then go on to have relationships with other friends. I can name two off the top of my head alone

It is literally the first rule of women friendships, don't recycle dick!.

It is really ick to put it mildly having your mate shag your ex. So expect to lose her friendship.

There’s a difference between expecting everyone you date to be a virgin and deciding to shag a mate’s ex.

You asked and she said no. You asked because you knew it was a possible problem. You were right, it is a problem.

That’s not an outcome you liked so you asked here for people not involved to weigh in. Again, the answer is no.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with this. And for the record, yes I'd be totally happy for a friend to get with a long-term ex (which a 1 year relationship isn't anyway). It might feel weird but that would be my issue to deal with. We don't own all the people we've ever been with, and to deny a friend a lot of potential happiness because you dates someone 3 years ago, is totally unreasonable. Go for it OP!

I’m torn tbh. Normally I’d say no to dating your friend’s exes but he doesn’t sound like a significant ex. They lived two hours apart, he didn’t want to take it further and it was only a year. It sounded like they were just dating really. Your friend has clearly moved on so just go for it.