To date friends ex?

[imasize3]

My friend had an ex and they were together for a year, she wanted them to move in together (he lived about 2 hours away at the time) and that was the catalyst for their breakup as he didn’t want to.

Three years since and she’s living with her fiancé and seems very happy. I bumped into her ex on a night out and found out he’d moved back and we live close, he added me on socials and we’ve been talking non stop and he’s asked me out.

I’ve spoken to my friend and she’s clearly pissed of wish me and said she’d prefer I didn’t go out with him

This. She wouldn’t be much of a friend to you if she was willing to let her feelings stand in the way of your happiness. After all SHE is happy now.

Absolutely not. There’s plenty of other men in the world. The ball is in your court now but be prepared to lose a friend over this. I don’t think she is being unreasonable either.

If I got into a relationship with someone that had dated my mate I don’t think that would be good for my own mental health either. I’d constantly be wondering if he’d done the thing we were doing with my mate first.

@TheFormidableMrsC

Link please !!

Have a bit of loyalty. Jesus Christ. Terrible friend.

He'll be laughing when he gets you chasing him, two friends. What an ego boost to him. When he dumps you for someone else (he'll check out your other mates) you'll see how he moves through women.
Your friend will not be interested.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5203288-not-invited-to-stepdaughters-wedding?page=1

Then you stop it in its tracks. Girl code.

You asked her and she said it would bother her.

Unless you're happy to wave goodbye to your friendship, don't.

This

Ewwwww

I'd say go for it OP. It's been years, and she's engaged. She's being ridiculous. If he did something AWFUL to her then I'd understand it, but they broke up because he didn't want to move, and as sad for her that was at the time, it wasn't the worst reason to break up.

Have a long hard think, imho you will only get one of them.
If you have a genuine spark and connection with this guy. Go for it's

But if it's casual or just sexual - let it go.

It will come down to whom you would rather have in your life. Him or her .

TBH if your pal is genuinely happy & secure it shouldn't be that big a deal .

I agree with this. If she’s a good friend you’ll be in contact regularly and share information about your daily lives. Even though she’s moved on she clearly felt strongly for him but was rejected. If he hadn’t rejected her they may have been married by now. I imagine she won’t want to be kept updated with what he’s now like in bed, the lovely things he’s done to surprise you, where you’re going on holiday etc. come on.

It sounds like you’ve made your mind up already though, in which case it was unfair to ask her, if you were likely to go against her feelings and request not to, bc it’ll be obvious you don’t give a shit about her or your friendship, and that’ll understandably be over.

A friend dated my ex and tbh I was pissed off with her. It felt wrong, I felt she had overstepoed and was being competetive and I havn't been able to trust her since.Needless to say we drifted but I don't think girls like her really truly care about friends anyway. They are mens' girls not girls' girls.

Overstepped

Ultimately it's all about boundaries. People who have no respect for boundaries have issues imo.
I managed to find a man who hadn't previously dated a friend and we are now happily married.
My friend eventually moved on to another friend's ex and they are not married as he upset her and she refused to tie the knot.

I don't understand what is wrong with someone dating your ex or vice versa? I know friends who have dated each others ex's, it's never a problem. One couple I know are looking far more serious than the original couple, no one has any issues with it.

Honestly, can anyone explain it for me?

She was in a long term relationship with him. It's reasonable that she doesn't want you to date him.

Your choice but only you can know if he is worth losing a friend over.

I honestly don't see the issue? It was years ago, she's moved on in a long term relationship and is happy.
Unless he was abusive to her I really can't see why there would be a problem.
And as for the posters saying that it's 'sloppy seconds' or that his 'dick has been on your mate' well, most dicks have been somewhere else before, and I'm assuming he's had a shower in the last three years?

I would never do that to a close friend

You do realise that your going to destroy your friendship with her and split up any friendship group you have together.
You will be seen by everyone who knows you both as a nasty piece of work whose happy to fuck your friends over.
Be honest she's not really someone that you consider a friend as if she was you wouldn't even contemplate doing this

It depends if you want to keep her as a friend. If it doesn't bother you that she will let the friendship drift initially and cut you out altogether eventually whatever happens with this ex then crack on.

Even if you don’t proceed, I think your friendship is already over, she’s not happy with you and will probably fade you out… in which case, you may as well give the relationship a chance.

I don’t think either of you are in the wrong with how you feel, it’s just a different set of ethics/boundaries that you personally have.

What will you regret more? Losing a friend or losing a potential partner/husband?

Wow, the comments here are bizarre. She dates a bloke three years ago, is now happily with someone else, and you need to avoid him forever because of that? Dont be silly! She didn’t own him, they are well and truly finished - she can’t not want him but not want you to have him, that makes no sense. How on earth you are a ‘nasty piece of work’, who ‘fucks friends over’, I literally have no idea! Are you all quite young?

No no no no no

Unless you don't want to be friends with your friend anymore. Stay well clear

YANBU but also not the sort of friend I would want.

Also from your point of view, do you think he shows good character that he has targetted one of his exes friends? I think that shows questionable character and I wouldn’t really trust him from that point of view, regardless of him being your friends ex. For all you know, he is doing this to spite his ex. People do odd things.

“You lose them how you get them”..id also be concerned he’d be hitting on my other friends in the future too as his boundaries seem flaky.