Worried about our house and socialising

[kva]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling a bit anxious about how our home might impact both our daughter’s and our own social life as she starts reception next year. I'd love to host playdates and invite people over, but I’m embarrassed about the state of our house – it’s in serious need of some TLC. The conservatory is falling apart and needs a good clean, the kitchen is outdated, the garden is overgrown, and a few doors don’t close properly or are broken. It just doesn’t feel like a space we’d be comfortable hosting in right now.

We recently decided to put our savings this year into overpaying the mortgage, so there isn’t much left for home improvements. Unfortunately, we can’t tackle big DIY projects either, as we both work full-time and don’t have family nearby to help out.

I’m really worried that not being able to host could affect our ability to build friendships, both for our daughter and for us. We don’t want her to miss out on forming those early connections with her new classmates, and we’d love to socialize more with other parents too – it just feels challenging with the house as it is.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d love advice on how to make our home more inviting on a budget, or ideas on encouraging socializing outside the home. Any reassurance or tips would be so appreciated!

P.S. We live in an area where it seems like most families buy homes for over £1m (ours is much less) and borrow to do major renovations before hosting. Inviting people over to our place, as it is, feels a bit intimidating!

Thank you so much in advance!

Wow... Interesting. I wonder if it's the same nowadays

Do you use Facebook or other social media?
There's a page on Facebook called DIY on a budget and one called gardening on a budget I love them. On Instagram I follow wisdomfaily and budgetingmum if you have a look at them or search for similar pages the more you like the more get suggested. Don't get me wrong some of its awful but some of its great and really motivating.

I'm massively offended 😹 . I live in "North London", NW3 to be precise, and DD went to a local private school. Like everywhere, there are competitive arseholes and those of us who don't give a shit. You seem to be worried about the parents, not the kids who are the ones that matter

We don’t normally visit people houses, we go to the park or to a soft play. Only really good friends would be invited over and if they are good friend they shouldn’t care about your house

Thank you, will have a look!

Nobody worthy of your friendship would judge you on having a less than a 'show house' perfect home. As long as there aren't literally loads of severe health and safety hazards making it dangerous then you shouldn't worry.

Just do the usual of tidying up the rooms that guests will be seeing and warmly welcome people.

A good friend will just want to catch up and chat and children don't care about things like decor and clean conservatories.

I would have thought it exciting to go to a home that had a consevertory at all when I was a kid. Nearly everyone I knew lived in a small council flat. But their homes were still welcoming and fun.

Provide a few biscuits and toys and they'll be happy anywhere! X

Don't worry about the house. Just get on with the socializing.

The people who will judge you negatively aren't worth having in your life or giving a second thought to.

I honestly think anyone who judges you for the state of a kitchen probably isn't worth bothering with. We need to get our kitchen done so similar boat.
We have a massive house and both work professional full time jobs. We just haven't got organised with the kitchen. Our kids regularly have play dates. The parents don't usually come in beyond the door.
One Mum did say to another "you should see (her) house, it's like a mansion but she's one of us because her kitchen is shit"

Conservatory - you can buy extending cleaning poles (Rolson brand) for the bits you can't reach, hot soapy water, loads of water, repeat and you will soon get it back to a fair state and I use Pink Stuff to clean pvc and it comes up a treat. Doors are cheap, the basic ones are anyway. Garden, tidy, chop back and fencing is something that's not difficult to do and why not ask if someone you know can show you how. Kitchen, we stripped off the laminate foil (easy to do and obviously depends on your units), fixed drawers, put up interesting pictures and lived with the 70s units for 12 years, then we put in our own kitchen. You can do a great deal by dealing with small jobs and building confidence and asking your network for help and advice (not asking them to do it, but show you how). I've always rated a house by the warmth of the welcome, the hospitality and if the loo and kitchen is clean, then all is well.

Agree with this.
I have a mum friend who never reciprocates and I’m getting fed up with hosting & feeding her now. She says issue with her house being upside down all the time but seriously, I think it takes the mick.

Here is the episode I suggest watching. It’ll hopefully put things into perspective for you:

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m001x0ws/sort-your-life-out-series-4-episode-2

Hey OP. I've very recently moved house into a fixer upper and live in a "naice" town where every other family seems to have a £1million quid done up house and my DC has just started reception.

My kitchen is 1980s and my conservatory is also on its last legs and the decor is tired wallpaper.

I've just basically cleaned and tidied the best I can, made it safe enough to play, said excuse the boxes and invited a few friends round here and there (although only one at a time until the house is more unpacked). If anybody doesn't understand the concept of a fixer upper then more fool them. I also won't be getting a new kitchen anytime soon.

Maybe it's because I'm 40 and have started to care less about this sort of thing but I really couldn't give a flying fuck about anyone who would judge me about the speed of cosmetic renovations. Are parents really going to say to their kids, oh darling you can't go round to the mcnamechanges house, their cheap laminate worktops are offensive.

It'll be fine, just clean, tidy and garden the best that you can. Xx

OP if your house is clean and safe, anyone who is judging it by any other criteria is not worth worrying about. Genuine people really won't care. It's the warmth of the welcome that's the important bit.

Oh my gosh, does everyone have a window cleaner?! We've lived in our house for 5 years and never used one!

This is exactly what I would do.

As long as you tell people in advance, they will understand.

Just explain you recently bought a doer-upper and it’s a work in progress. We went on a play date to a house like that recently. I didn’t think anything of it.

No window cleaner here, benefits of a bungalow!

Dear Friend, if you come to visit me, you are welcome any time. If you come to see my house, please give me at least six weeks notice.

Houses are what they are. So long as there's somewhere to sit, a nice cup of tea and no obvious health hazards, good people will be happy to visit. Don't worry about the others.

Please please don’t worry as long as it’s clean as you can possibly manage and doesn’t smell people won’t give a hoot.

I did have one horrible child scornfully ask where our play room was and pointed out that his house was far bigger than ours … but he was a rare exception!!!

I get you, our house is OK not great not bad just OK but my kids friends houses all seem to be amazing but those groups have helped me so hope they can do the same for you

Did you really have a go at me for saying that decent people won’t judge you?

Yes of course some people will. Are those the people you want your child close to?

I don’t have a show home house. If I did, would you assume I would judge yours? Perhaps giving people the benefit of the doubt and not judging them on their own houses would be a good idea.

Ewww!

The time goes in a blink of an eye. Just invite them over or host in the garden in the spring/summer.

My school mum friend had the tiniest cottage but would host us all the time. She put us to shame with her big heart. I learned not to care too much about keeping up appearances. The fun times we had squeezed at hers are now sweet memories. Just do it!

Play dates aren’t important at all I have 5 kids and can count on one hand how many times I have had them
people get hung up on the need for them esp when they have a only child there are so many parties and things in reception there is literally no need