DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

God what a useless sack of sh*t I don’t know how you tolerate it, he needs to grow up and care for the children he helped to create

He knows he's a parent just as much as you right? Yanbu

This is possibly an unpopular opinion on here, but if you are a SAHP then surely all the housework during the day while DC are at school is your “job”? Then on the weekend, looking after DC and housework should be split 50/50, as you’re both “off work”? If you’re out two evenings a week, does DH also get two free evenings, without having to log in to finish work?

Hi op,

2 evenings a week is perfectly fine 👌🏼 If he thinks that it makes him be a babysitter, that is because he thinks that of you when he goes out.
straighten up his opinion of you and remind him that he is the dad. Spending time with his children is like…normal.

Good luck 🌺

Is OP also a useless sack of shit who needs to grow up and provide for the children she helped create?

The husband in this situation cares for his children and provides financially. OP can only claim to do one of those things.

Have you read the thread? Or even the o/p’s posts?

the dh does the lions share of housework and care at the weekend.

o/p is a sahm- perhaps he should be straightening up and reminding o/p that her end of the deal is to have the housework etc done in her 6 child free hours per day, not leaving him to do it at weekends.

if she wants more free time she needs to get stuff done in the week while the kids are at school, then he won’t have to be doing housework on the weekends.

Yes I did actually @Whatamitodonow ,

I am not quite sure why I shouldn’t be thinking that in the week, two evenings are fine? Sounds perfectly reasonable and you sound jealous!

After three kids, I bet op want/need a break some evenings to put yourself outthere. I am thinking she did the lionshare of all the kids up until now and she want her break. Before …op…you couldn’t…coz the children but now you can…except that he is miserable? Remind him how even when you were miserable, you did ‘t let the children down. There. His turn.

Am I right op? Well…Op, go for it! You can’t stay home just because he has to work and yeah he can’t drop bedtime coz otherwise I guess he just doesn’t really see the kid in the day?
I mean parent’s life is hell LOL so help each other, that sounds ok 👌🏼 Make sure that if he wants to go…I don’t know…fishing trip ir whatever, that he can too!

Make him stop being a miserable cow!

Good luck 🌺

Would he rather you get totally burned out from having no break from the kids? Do the two of you ever have date nights or do anything fun without the kids? If it were me , I sure wouldn't have more kids.Like many have said, he needs to step up and help out with the kids. You're doing more than your share.

Does he have free time to himself? If not then he needs to.

She has six hours a day to spend without her kids - I really don't think she's had any risk of burnout, do you? 😂

When does he get his time off?

he’s working all day, coming home, doing bedtimes and logging back on to work.

weekends he’s doing the housework and childcare.

it’s not that she shouldn’t have two evenings, it’s that the division of labour seems unfair. Her dh seems to be doing more than his share with the kids and house, plus working. If she’s a sahm he responsibility is to to take the load off him at home, not add to it.

if o/p worked all day, came home, put the kids to bed, and did the weekend housework and general stuff, would it be ok for her dh to fuck off down the pub or to the gym leaving her to it twice a week? I’d not be happy if dh did.

You can't get burned out from having no break from the kids when you drop them off at school and have approximately 30 hours child free time a week.

Millions of parents around the world fit the amount of parenting OP is doing around a FT job. Let's face it. Dropping DC off at school, picking them up, doing clubs/homework, dinner and bedtime isn't a job. Neither is the doing the housework when her family are out of the house most of their waking hours. Those responsibilities are just the result of being an adult and a parent.

OP's DH is at risk of burnout though. He's working FT, does 80% of the chores at the weekend, works in the evening (presumably due to the fact he needs to maintain his career to financially support a family of 5) and does 2 solo bed times a week. OP says herself that he actively parents his children. I can fully see why her DH resents the current set up.

My guess is like her, when kids are asleep?

I do get that the balance tilted his way atm. My argument is that before all three kids were at school then the balance was her way but that was acceptable because??

I think that it being her turn is perfectly ok. Also, at this age, children would still be loads of work so she isn’t doing nothing. She just isn’t absolutely swamped and will have two evenings a night. And he will be fine. She just need to make sure he can do what she does.

Good evening 🌺

ANY age. Not This age

I actually side with husband. After working all day and into the evening, it’s a bit much to wrangle the kids as if he were a single parent. You’re his helper. You’re not helping by piling on to his plate.

Wow, what a lazy arse he is.

Soz, just read the updates!! Your kids are all at school...

I think you are being selfish if you have 3 children at primary school why not do a day course and one evening course. I agree with you hubby

You are taking the piss.
What do you actually do all day with the kids at school? (I had 3 kids while working ft.)
Arrange to do your classes in the day time and give your DH a break.
And, probably, get a job. Even out any financial pressures on your family and it's also really good for your DC to see their mum working.

Probably make jam or something?

3 years ago we got a pony and it went from me being at home every evening doing everything, to as soon as he got in chucking kids and tea at him and leaving. Hr hated it moaned forever. 3 years in more ponies later he is used to it and the kids are bigger. I work part time now which definitely helps. Don't stop, keep going ignore the moaning it gets easier ! Good luck!

To the lady doing two evening classes a week, keep at it! Looking after the house, preparing 3 children for school and then picking them up is a draining job and you deserve at least 2 evenings a week off. Tell you DH to shut up, get on with it and stop being an entitled twat. (Ignore those telling you you should work round everyone else in your family and do classes during the day - why should you always work round everyone else? The fact that people were even talking about whether your evening classes were 'worthy' enough to be worth doing tells you all you need to know about what they think women's role should be - they'd never query whether a man 'needed' to go the football.) Take this opportunity to show your DH that you're not going to be treated like his servant who works round him all the time, pandering to his every whim. If you give in now, you'll have a miserable life in the future.

Looking after the house, preparing 3 children for school and then picking them up is a draining job and you deserve at least 2 evenings a week off.

I genuinely can't tell if you are being sarcastic or not.

Of course people would "query if her husband needed to go to the football" there are regular threads about this and most of the time the consensus is it's unnecessary and the husband should be at home helping with the children!

Obviously an educational course that results in a qualification enabling her to start her own career is more important than a class in pottery painting. No one would ever say you don't need an education stay at home, but people would quite rightly say you don't need an evening to paint pots when you've had all day to yourself already and your poor husband is tired.

Exactly this!! 👆 👆