DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

A break in between child focused work is hardly comparable with an evening free to relax.

Firstly as I have said how can she meet up with friends if they work. And you can't compare time off when you have to go back on duty .

5-6 hours child free in a day is fairly significant.

Fair enough if she wants an evening to do something but 2/5 evening a week is excessive in the circumstances. It also puts her husband under unfair pressure he has to log back on to work later.

Hmm... I work four days a week with two DC at school. My "break in between child-focused work", ie my six hours off a week, despite also having to use it to do a week's worth of housework, is definitely more relaxing than being at work or actually out in the evening as I'm too knackered by then!

You don't need to see friends twice a week for five hours every week to "relax".

I bet the OP would not appreciate it if her DH started taking his equivalent 30 hours "break in between child-focused work".

Well ladies hats off to you but I make sure I have my two nights in the gym every week and my two nights socialising every second weekend and my partner does the same.

At one stage I was studying for my PhD 6 days a week on top of my full-time job but hey ho, some people are happy to live what in my opinion is half a life.

None of us have a problem with this woman having nights out if she worked full time also. If she was working full time and doing a PhD then fine! Have those two evenings! But she's not, shes living "half a life" but in her husband's half of the time available to them because she already had her half earlier!

Your partner does the same. That’s the issue.

She doesn’t work at all so gets time to herself during the day plus two evenings a week. Her DH will not get all of that free time as well.

As I said the day break is simply not comparable at all.

I just don’t see how it isn’t the same.

She can relax
She is free to do what she likes
She is child free

Well I think most people would quite like 6 hours a day to themselves. You could write a novel, take 3 classes, bake cakes get fit and paint a masterpiece in a few weeks with all that time on your hands.

Of course if those six hours a day are useless and unenjoyable, she could always get a job and save her poor husband some overtime by helping him pay the bills. She can have her evenings out then instead.

Why is it not? What kind of drama do you regularly experience whilst your kids are at school?
A whole school day is plenty of time to clean, cook, admin, gym, shop, socialise with all the other SAHMs she surely met over the years, shower, read.

And again three people jumped down my throat.

A break to me is time when I do not have to clock back on. She can hardly go off and actually not look at her watch.

When you are responsible for children pick up, whether stay at home or otherwise we are not chilled. We are considering commute, working out a plan b,c and d should something impact your return.

Down time to many including me is clocked out see you in the morning, yes i will be home, but not on duty, no curfew.

The idea of women not having that freedom to me is alien and frightening to be honest.

Neither parent ever gets to just clock out and forget about it until the morning. Children always need you. If they're in bed they might wake up and need you.

At least at school the teachers are responsible for them not you, you've got guaranteed time your children will definitively not need you.

Responding to you isn’t jumping down your throat.

No one gets to completely clock out of parenting. It’s absolutely possible to have plenty of chill out time which doesn’t change if you have to pick up a child at 3pm.

Well I and my partner clock off when we know the other has the reins.

Whatever works for you.

The OP’s husband who she says is normally very active and involved, says 2/5 nights a week isn’t working for him. He didn’t say she could never go out.

This.

I would absolutely love six hours a day to myself every single day.

How is it any different to an evening? You still have to return home at some point... And actually, I would prefer the daytime over an evening as I wouldn't be too tired to enjoy it!

But regardless @Marblesbackagain - are you saying you would be completely happy about it if you worked full-time (plus evening work), all financial responsibility lay on your shoulders, your DH was a SAHP and then wanted to go out for two evenings every week? You wouldn't feel the slightest bit resentful?

Yes because I have the same . I value balance it isn't a race to the bottom. And me being happy make me a better parent and partner.

But you wouldn't have the same 30 hours to yourself because you would be working all week!

You have the same what?

Do you think the OP’s situation is balanced because I don’t and neither does her husband.

What does a race to the bottom have to do with anything?

Was your partner regularly "clocking off" while you worked full time and studies 6 nights a week?

My post was a response to @Namechange83649 .

But as she/he said you don’t have the same. The OP has 5-6 hours a day to do with as she decides. Her husband is working during that time.
Saying that the OP is somehow on standby for that time is a bit OTT.

@the7Vabo with respect I've made my opinion clear over a dozen or more posts. I am not repeating myself, I've set out my opinion clearly and am now heading out to enjoy a late gym class and switch off. Have a good evening.

Not working while having school age children is a privilege in a lot of respects (provided it’s a choice of course) IMO.

Exactly.

Every parent is on standby.

At work, I'm on standby.
At home on a day off, I'm on standby.
At the gym, I'm on standby.
On a night out, I'm on standby.

Even if they are with their other parent because ultimately, if an emergency happened or if they fell ill then the other parent will be called because they will want to know.