DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

What would happen if he wasn't there?

I'm probably seeing it from a different pov becuse i had a husband who worked and paid the bills, wanted me as the housewife and wouldn't let me out.
I suppose it depends the reasons op is a housewife, is she refusing to work or does he want her at home. It also depends are the 2 evenings a week a long term thing or a short 8 week course for example.
Ideally they'd both get time out from the house to spend time with friends.

If I go to the pub to practice my darts, or participate in a quiz, can I call it enrichment?

Not comparable with an evening class no.

You can get qualifications in all sorts of stupid things, that doesn't make them useful or worth the money/time. We clearly have different thresholds for what counts as educationial.

I'm glad my friends aren't such snobs as yours 😂

Why not? My uncle got into pool at the pub and now competes for money. Surely that is more worthwhile than many qualifications.

You're completely and objectively wrong about wine tasting. It's not a 'stupid thing'.

Yes obviously i judge a national and international recognised qualification as eh educational !

Being informed isn't snobby.

In your opinion. Everyone I know thinks people who swirl and sniff wine are talking rubbish, if you like it drink it if you don't don't.

And before you insult me, we're not all lower class oiks. We're all educated professionals with real qualifications who are using our time on interesting and engaging things.

There's qualifications in all sorts of pointless things! Just because someone writes NVQ Infront of an activity it doesn't suddenly make it important.

Eh no. And I find the factitious responses tiring. The reality is anyone taking part in an evening class can likely be doing a qualification.

All qualifications tend to be transferable and helpful. Given the op is out of work surely you can appreciate this is a positive thing on her CV?

Because at some stage she will have to respond to the questions at an interview. Wouldn't you support your friend to engage in something?

If OP is in an abusive relationship then obviously it’s a completely different story but then I imagine OP wouldn’t be going out at all, never mind twice a week.

Even if he wants her at home, it doesn’t mean she has to be at home. Especially if she’s as bored as she says.

I think a lot of people are seeing it from their own circumstances.

In this case the OP has literally said “he is normally very involved and active” but says she is taking the piss.

IMO she is. During the week when he has to work it seems only fair that the responsibility of the kids would rest with her. If she wants a night off, maybe they could work it out but 2/5 is unfair.

Do you mean facetious?

For someone acting so superior I would expect you to get the word right.

A "qualification" certificate in whatever recreational activity OP has taken a fancy to because it is an opportunity to socialise with her friends is highly unlikely to be remotely useful in gaining quality employment when she feels like working again.

If it had any remote relation to being employable or educating herself she would be studying at night school to gain a real, useful qualification in something academic most likely.

There's nothing wrong with just owning the fact that she goes to a dance class and she likes it because her friends are there. Over egging the pudding and dressing it up as something it is not is not helping the OPs cause or proving a point. She's still robbing her husband of the only 3 free hours in his entire day after having 5 hours free earlier on. It's not fair.

He says it’s not fair for him to spend all day at work and have to look after the kids all evening, as he has to log on for a few hours after he’s put the kids to bed to finish his work.

I'm not following this part - does he WFH and you're going out before his working day would normally have ended, or is he bringing work home with him in addition to having worked a full day at an outside office but would normally do it as soon as he got home? He's not doing any MORE work (for his professional job) because you've gone out, he's just doing it at a different time.

He is normally very involved and active but he’s accused me of taking the piss.

How? It's absolutely reasonable for you to have a few evenings off/out. You've also worked all day, and he should be doing his half of the childcare/parenting when he's not working. If he needs to be working at the exact time that you want to go out for your classes, that's something you both need to work out together but he has to explain it clearly to you rather than trying to make you feel guilty.

How much free time does each of you have per week? It should be roughly equal.

Id be inclined to agree with you if the OP had mentioned work anywhere. She hasn’t. She has said she is doing an evening class with friends.

She said "courses", not qualifications. Courses can be absolutely anything. There's a "paint and sip" course I can sign up to round the corner. Does getting sloshed with a paintbrush in my hand sound like something a potential employer would want to know?

It would look better on her CV to have a job, rather than a huge gap. For all we know, OPs qualification could be in Vejazzling which will not appeal to most employers. But given she is going there to socialise, is she really taking notice? All of this is hypothetical anyway given OP has not returned.

Wah! Just realised you don’t work AT ALL. I said YANBU but assumed you were working. I was wrong in my vote. Jeesh!

Get a job, you are taking the piss, no wonder he is fed up.

This.

You literally already have 30 hours to yourself to do what you want with, plus an extra five! Does your DP get 35 hours a week to himself?

The fact that he has to do additional work once they're in bed is even worse!

Her downtime is the 30 hours the kids are at school for!! 🤣

She won't though because she likes her easy life too much!

Apologies if my dyslexia upset you.