AIBU - husband combative about ultrasound

[oowasurviva]

I’ve had ongoing low-grade pain in my lower right abdomen. Didn’t think much of it, but I’m travelling abroad for a week soon and given I rolled over the other morning and found myself in severe (temporary) pain as a result I decided to get some scans.

The above is largely irrelevant when it comes to my question as I don’t think it really matters what the situations is. I’m prepared to be told otherwise.

Husband knows I’ve had this ongoing pain. I told him I have a scan tomorrow for the pain as I am trying to rule out appendicitis ahead of my trip.

He snorts and says “You’d know if it was appendicitis. You’d be in agony.”

I said I didn’t know about that but I was checking to be sure. Obviously it could be something else. Or nothing at all!

He then proceeded to tell me the pneumonia that hospitalised me (before we met) was highly suspect as I had told him it was some of the worst pain I’d ever experienced. He said there are no pain cells (think he meant receptors) in the lungs so I can’t have been any pain. I’m completely unsure why he brought this up - especially as he wasn’t even in the picture when this happened - and what this has to do with a seemingly routine check to rule out appendicitis. For the record I was in hospital for a couple of weeks with pneumonia. For the record, when it hit I was in serious pain.

I don’t even think this matters. WTF is he on about and what is his problem? I’m hardly writhing about in pain and asking for his help. I’m just getting a bloody scan to be on the safe side ahead of my trip. AIBU?

Clearly the mn vipers have diagnosed him as being a wanker.

Treatment: back in the sea he goes.

I would worry about whether a man like this would be there for you and support you if you were truly ill.

I was labelled a big of a drama Queen by my family then almost gave birth at home alone because I didn’t realise I was in labour. That shut them up. Women are conditioned not to cause a fuss and not to make a big deal when in pain. He is reinforcing this.

He sounds like a total narcissist, this is very helpful though because his mask has slipped before you’ve had kids.

There’s no way I’d have kids with someone like that, knowing what I know about being married to someone that doesn’t give a fuck if you’re unwell and actually finds it a complete inconvenience.

I was in resus once and he put his headphones on and watched golf on the phone, that’s when I realised I was fucked.

Sounds to me that either his mother's hyperchondriac behaviour has conditioned him to minimise any sign of illness in others in response or he's genuinely worried about his wifebot being on the blink. Or a mix of both.

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood good lord! Have a coffee and chill!

Please don't be patronising; there's nothing wrong with stating an opinion about the post, it is aibu

Yanbu to get the scan.

Yabu to be still in a relationship with this arsehole.

How do you know i'm grown up lol

I'm 47 years old, it was always called a water infection, i've had many! But hey,,,,you knew what I meant didn't you so you have obviously heard the term before

I still ask the kids if they have tummy ache - rather than go with Abdominal pain.

Also, ear ache instead of asking if they have Otalgia.

And when the dog has the shits, i don't go running to my DH asking if he will go and clear up the doggy diarrhoea, he knows perfectly what I mean when I say the dog has the shits 💩

Too much coffee can give you water infection.

@Miniopolis very true 😂

😂made my morning that

Is he worth keeping?

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood there was only one person being patronising...have a think about who that might have been 🤔

My husband did a similar thing. If I drink too many sugary drinks, cocktails etc I get really sensitive teeth. I said my teeth hurt and he told me that teeth don't hurt... like what the fuck do you think toothache is!?

It's so weird when they seem desperate to say you're not in pain. He's normally good.
I hope the scan clears things up and you get to the bottom of the cause of your pain.

Oh how quaint!

He holds you in compete contempt and has no empathy towards you and maybe anyone else, who knows.

Interesting @oowasurviva wjat you say about MIL

my mil was genuinely diagnosed with munchausens and it’s definitely affected dh and his siblings.
the 3 of them catastrophise illnesses and symptoms but are very minimalising with others. They spent their formative years surrounded by drama and attention seeking and it’s absolutely skewed their outlook on theirs and anyone’s symptoms
the mind is a weird and wonderful thing

edited to add that dh is not like yours. He just has elevenerife if anyone’s unwell. Doesn’t even realise he’s doing it most of the time (ie I never tell him I have a sore throat as he becomes convinced he has one starting too etc etc. If he has stomach pains it’s always serious etc )

Thanks be to fxxk you are not pregnant by this arsehole.

He sounds awful.
4 natural births here and pneumonia was so painful znd scary by comparison.

Appendicitis can creep up slowly and then really suddenly hit, my friend was surprised when it happened to her.

OP, don't waste your life on a know it all arsehole.
Much less have children with one.
Life is too short.
Don't ignore who he is showing you who he is.
Hope you feel better soon.

Hope you are travelling abroad without him so that you get some time to reflect on whether he is a suitable life partner…

I used to be with a man like this. Nobody was in more pain than him, nobody had it worse than him. It got exhausting. If you’re not having sex / don’t have kids is there any point in continuing this relationship?

I hope you get to the bottom of what's going on with your health OP! You've absolutely done the right thing getting investigations done.

As for DH - yet another man not ready for an adult relationship! If you need any kind of health care or support going forward then he's going to struggle.

He's a twat. He is showing no care or consideration for you. Why are you with him?

Re the "water infection" comment, I literally had no idea what that was! But I don't live in the UK and am on a predominantly UK website so that's a me problem not the pp's. I call it cystitis and there's probs some people who call it a UTI who might not know what I meant by that either. Everywhere is different. Good to learn new terms.

Sorry, pain cells? What a twat 😂😂

Only you know the level of pain you are / have been in - you are doing the right thing, hope all is ok for you OP x

For those who think I shouldn’t have a kid with this man… too late. Don’t even get me started on the traumatic birth that was “harder for him”. There’s a reason I stopped at one.

I know he has the emotional intelligence of a squashed snail. I’m fairly numb to it now, but every now and then his abhorrent comments make it through. Things are complicated at the moment but I know there’s no future with this man.