AIBU - husband combative about ultrasound

[oowasurviva]

I’ve had ongoing low-grade pain in my lower right abdomen. Didn’t think much of it, but I’m travelling abroad for a week soon and given I rolled over the other morning and found myself in severe (temporary) pain as a result I decided to get some scans.

The above is largely irrelevant when it comes to my question as I don’t think it really matters what the situations is. I’m prepared to be told otherwise.

Husband knows I’ve had this ongoing pain. I told him I have a scan tomorrow for the pain as I am trying to rule out appendicitis ahead of my trip.

He snorts and says “You’d know if it was appendicitis. You’d be in agony.”

I said I didn’t know about that but I was checking to be sure. Obviously it could be something else. Or nothing at all!

He then proceeded to tell me the pneumonia that hospitalised me (before we met) was highly suspect as I had told him it was some of the worst pain I’d ever experienced. He said there are no pain cells (think he meant receptors) in the lungs so I can’t have been any pain. I’m completely unsure why he brought this up - especially as he wasn’t even in the picture when this happened - and what this has to do with a seemingly routine check to rule out appendicitis. For the record I was in hospital for a couple of weeks with pneumonia. For the record, when it hit I was in serious pain.

I don’t even think this matters. WTF is he on about and what is his problem? I’m hardly writhing about in pain and asking for his help. I’m just getting a bloody scan to be on the safe side ahead of my trip. AIBU?

It's deeply unattractive this competitive unwellness, he's always in worse pain and often find themselves ill/in pain when you are, it's pathetic.

Where did he get his medical qualification from?

Sounds like he doesn't want you getting ANY attention, you need to be fully fit to run around after him, thank you very much. Can't have the household appliance being faulty, can we?

Well he sounds like a complete arse! No idea why some men try and minimise medical issues and expect you to just carry on as normal. I hope it's nothing too serious OP but you are doing the right thing by getting checked. And for the record, my DH has just been in hospital with pneumonia for several weeks and he was in agony! They gave him morphine, codeine, ibuprofen and paracetamol so I think the doctors knew he was in serious pain. Tell your husband he doesn't know what he's talking about, stupid twat 🙄

If you intend to stay with him, I suggest you get someone else to be your birth partner and support you in the first few weeks after the birth,

WTF is he on about??

Firstly pneumonia/chest infections can be extremely painful, heart attack level pain!
Secondly you can have a grumbling appendix for quite a while before it becomes full on appendicitis. My DB had been to the doctor several times with pain before he was diagnosed with appendicitis and rushed in for emergency surgery!!

Does he underplay all your symptoms/pain??
I've never used the 'I'd leave the bast*rd' on MN but I'm not sure I'd want to stay with someone who feels it's OK to treat someone like this!

He sounds like a jerk, but also someone who has a lot of insecurities around weakness and illness.

I was hospitalised with pneumonia about 10 years ago. The pain is pleurisy, which comes essentially from the sac around the lungs/chest cavity. I’ve had 2 completely pain med free home births. I’ve never experienced pain like I did when I had pneumonia! At the time, I said, this must be what labour feels like (this was before I had children). Honestly, labour pains were totally manageable, even at home, with no intervention at all. The pneumonia was something else.

That said, I don’t personally think an ultrasound will be super helpful. My guess is it’s likely to be either ovary pain or connective tissue, based on what you’ve described. I also think you’d know by now if it was appendicitis. But your money, your choice. For peace of mind, it’s always better to get it checked out now than when you’re abroad.

One of my tests for men was what they were like if I were ill. If they were around, concerned and being helpful like driving me to the doctor, they were potential keepers. None of them ever expressed any opinions on the absence or not of pain receptors in the lungs or the presence of pain receptors in the lining of the lungs. Nor did they suggest I was faking pain when I was hospitalised previous to meeting them.

A pain that moves to the lower right side of your abdomen is a sign of appendicitis. Appendicitis is not terribly rare. Not everybody is in extreme pain at the start either. I would absolutely get checked before you go. I don't think you would want to have an appendix rupture on a plane flight. Your husband would just probably tell you to buck up and that it can't be that bad though.

... who deserves a good kick in the arse 👍

Your husband is an idiot. Of course you need to get it checked out and they wouldn't be giving you a scan anyway if they didn't think it was medically necessary.
Appendicitis does start gradually and can be on & off pain too, by the stage of writhing in agony it's likely about to burst or already burst!

Also of course pneumonia can cause pain, so can chest infections!

Tell him it's impossible for him to ever have a headache as you can only get those when you have functioning brain cells

What medical qualifications does he have that he thinks he knows more than the hospital?

Reminds me of narcissistic abusive exDP, who could not stand anything that took the attention of him. Even if that is not the case, he is being very uncaring and unpleasant.

There would be no question of me staying with a man who behaved like this. Please think carefully about why you are with him and hopefully you’ll realise you should leave.

Tell him to Google "Is pneumonia painful."

He is being an arse.

He's a twat. Pneumonia is definitely painful, the simplest of Google searches would tell you that. But most importantly, why on earth does he think his (incorrect) opinion is wanted? He doesn't get to tell you utter bollocks as fact and call you a liar, neither he or his opinion are as important as he thinks he is. Why on earth are you with him???

Sounds like you both despise each other. Are you divorcing?

She's not pregnant?

Although he sounds like an ass. I could slightly understand if you suffer with healthy anxiety or are a bit over dramatic and something always hurts or their is always something wrong that your.moaning about to him as this is really annoying. However if you don't act like this in day to day life then he's jusf a knob.

Everyone experiences pain differently, I was admitted for emergency surgery with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy shortly after being told it couldn’t be ruptured as I’d be “rolling around the floor in pain” I said I’d took the lift and not the stairs to the third floor that day and declined paracetamol.

Could it be a cyst on your ovary any chance? I get pain lower right often and then every couple of months I'll get a temporary, but drop to the floor type of pain and the normal pain lessens a bit. Unfortunately if that's so, when you go for the ultrasound because the cyst has popped it won't show anything.... have had a couple ultrasounds for them now and eventually a laproscopy.

I’d say he is preempting that you might (shock horror) need some attention for something he’s dismissed and not been supportive of. Ring any bells?

I gave unmedicated birth to a 7 lb baby but my exdh walked around with a mask(precovid when this was unusual) and had a cold poor him so of course he was useless to me and baby. I would also be concerned about gallbladder…duct and organ. This is uncomfortable to painful and can come and go. Nothing worse than being in an airplane or airport or strange city and needed urgent medical care. Good you are looking after yourself OP. Who cares if big baby “doesn’t believe you”. The first rule of pain is….the pain is whatever the patient says it is. I’m reaching here but I bet there’s many times he is selfish and diminishes you. Many many men are poor patients when sick. Very demanding and often non adherent …meaning they don’t do what they are advised. And yes appendicitis is an inflamed appendix. A ruptured appendix is very very painful and it’s a LIFE THREATENING MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Usually early symptoms have been ignored. Get the ultrasound and be persistent in getting it looked at again if your symptoms worsen or return. Safe travels op.

Of course pneumonia can be painful! Most infections are, otherwise people would just carry on with their lives and die. Lack of empathy is a dealbreaker for me. If he’s like this about an illness that put you in hospital how would he be during times of emotional pain?

My husband had a mother who was a hyperchondriac, terrifying him as a small child. As a result he believes nothing when it comes to me.

He still doesn't believe that I have scoliosis, four bulging discs, tremendous pain. I use a cane now. Was amazed when I got a blue badge.

I've had breast lumps, fast tracked by GP. I go alone for examinations, MRI. It's quite dispiriting.

Whereas I'm expected to run around for his man flu 🙄