To not get the whole ‘I can’t wait to be a grandparent’ thing

[Sparklytopattheready]

Maybe I’m just a miserable git but I don’t get it…
my kids are late teens/early 20s and I can honestly say I’m not at all bothered about being a grandma.
I know how hard and relentless parenting can be and being a single mum doesn’t help.
I know several people who chose not to have kids and they are all off living their best lives, lots of free time, mortgage paid off early, multiple holidays a year.
Then there’s today’s society - the world is overcrowded, the pressure of social media, global warming, NHS in meltdown etc etc.
I can honestly say I’d be happy for my kids to never have children!

It's not a popular opinion on mumsnet but I love being a Mum most of the time. Yes it's really hard sometimes but it's also amazing.

I would love to be a Granny one day too. It's lovely seeing kids grow and become their own people - hugely meaningful and rewarding.

I've also had hard times as 3 of my kids have health problems, but the good times make up for the bad. For me, looking forward to hopefully being a Granny one day, outweighs the sadness of getting older.

this

Two of my sisters have become grandparents in the last few years and both have now unquestioningly taken on caring duties for the baby/toddler one or two days a week while their DDs work and I have been a bit horrified at the prospect that this might be coming my way. Because I’m really not interested in doing that baby phase thing again.

Fortunately, my two haven’t got a maternal bone in their body, but I feel I might need to be open with them that I really REALLY won’t be doing childminding while they go out to work.

I can't wait . But have never told my adult dc that.
To be able to , if they want of course, to have childcare on tap, help when they need or want it. Be able to share my love with grandchildren, many reasons

I also would more than willingly babysit whilst they work, want time away, evening out, even go shopping.

I didn't have that with my dm , altho my df is great at all the above.

I feel like this. Son’s gf is currently pregnant. When he told me they’d chosen names something in me shifted and I thought I love the baby x

I have seen such beautiful relationships between grandparents and grandchildren, and I would like that for myself one day. If it doesn’t happen though, that’s fair enough, it’s ultimately up to my DC. But I don’t think it’s weird to enjoy the thought. I think it’s more weird not to enjoy the thought of your family expanding and all the potential joy of that!

More people, more problems, more stress and don't forget not everyone is born healthy and well.

When ppl say they ate looking forward to be a grandparent they are assuming that the baby will be born healthy and well.

I don't agree it is weird to not want grandkids. My DD could die during childbirth, she could suffer from PND, the kids themselves could have mental or physical health problems. The world is a dangerous place, especially for women then there's climate change and a COL crisis that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Any grandkids will just suffer in varying ways for a few decades then die. Why would I want that? To not exist is to not suffer.

my child’s mil is putting pressure on them to reproduce and I find it a bit greedy and insensitive too, what if they can’t have kids?

Tell her you'll stop.going round if she dosent stop it lol.
There's more to life than having children.

Exactly. I just put a post like this. Anyone would think all children are born healthy, well and disability free.
People mean they want grandchildren who are born without any of the above, otherwise it's very stressful.

Tbh, human existence has never been easy except for the healthy and wealthy. A few decades ago, a Mum with PND could be locked up or drugged up on Valium: ND children were considered an embarrassment and hidden away.

I’d rather be alive now than 100 years ago.

Because family isnt everything to a lot of people?
i have nothing in common with my family except blood. Never fallen out with any of them but i dont want to hang out with them!
my brothers have children, my parents dont do any childcare for them except in a couple of emergency situations.

i’m close to my mum but she’s glad i dont want children. Family isnt everything, i prefer friends on the whole.

I don’t want to be a Grandma. I absolutely adore my children and would adore any children that they produced, I just hope that they don’t.
I see my friends with their grandchildren and it’s just not a role I want to play.

@BruFord
Being expected to look after it and gush over it. Losing my hard won free time again.
The titles of granny/nanny etc sound so old.
Having to be labelled as somebody's something again.
Being called selfish for all of the above!

My two best friends are now grandmothers. They used to be fun,interesting people to be with. Now they just whip out their phones to show me endless photos of their bloody grandkids!

Having to be labelled as somebody's something again.

Have you resigned from being a mother?

@Hedjwitch That does sound tedious with your friends.
If I become a Grandma, I have every intention of setting firm babysitting boundaries!

Some people's whole life is children so they put that on to their own children it's sad and such a small narrow view of the world but they must be happy with it

Having experienced pressure to have dcs from my mother, I never put any in my dcs. I hadn't really given a thought to whether I wanted to be a gp, until the point where one of my dcs told me that a baby was on the way. At that point, I realised it was something I was really looking forward to. And when dgc1 arrived - I cannot describe the feeling other than to say it was like being hit by a truck. The sheer and complete feeling of love was so unexpected and overwhelming and wonderful.

Yes I'd like to be one but only if it's the right decision for my children. If it's the wrong decision It's a life sentence.. why would I want that for them? Having said that I know both of mine (mid/late 20's) say they want kids so we'll see.

No pressure then? JFC. The 1950's are calling you 🙄

"Some people's whole life is children so they put that on to their own children it's sad and such a small narrow view of the world but they must be happy with it."

Yeah but are their kids?

I enjoy being a mum, being a grandma is even better. When my granddaughter was born the love I felt for her was immediate and strong. She's six now and I've helped care for her since she was a few months old.
I dropped a day at work to help cover childcare. We have such a good bond. When my girls were little life was busy and money was occasionally tight. I seem to have more energy, more patience and more money to be able do lovely things with her when we're together.
I still work in a satisfying career, have a lovely social life, holidays and weekends away. I definitely still have my own life outside of being a grandma but that is absolutely my favourite part of my life.

My own kids are young and i am pretty sure i'll be delighted if/when they have kids of their own