To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

I think there's something in this. People are going 'wow, sounds amazing' based on the fact that they would love to do this. But wine tasting, self-reflection in Thailand and leadership skills courses at a ski resort don't sound terribly, to pick up a favourite MN phrase, age-appropriate for an 18yo. Gap years, ideally, are about getting the chance to become who you are, not who your parents imagine you're supposed to be.

Sorry, I meant to quote StrawberryWasp quoting the other PP above.

There is still some young women whose parents have been prepping them to be a ‘wholly well rounded woman’ not for their own independence, but for future marriage suitability. I’m not saying the OP’s friends/daughter are aiming for a Royal marriage, but it does read like the daughter is being given every opportunity to ‘invest in growth’. If they can afford it then I’m sure it will be worth it for them, so who are we to judge.

She’ll be working very hard and long hours as soon as she starts that. I wouldn’t begrudge her a nice ‘year off’.

It sounds brilliant.

How is she getting accommodation in New York if she's 17yo? Other than that, the gap year sounds fun!

As far as I was aware there's no contractual obligation to spend your gap year eating super noodles and padlocking your rucksack to your hostel bed.

She presumably wants to do the things, the parents presumably can fund it, job done. Whether you think it's worthy enough to be a gap year doesn't really factor in.

Sounds bloody lovely. I’m sure she will have interesting experiences she will learn from. However I also don’t think everything needs to be about that. Life is short and those years before and after university (before you start a career and settle down with a partner and perhaps marry and start a family) are precious - she has every right to enjoy them!!

She will be 18 at the time.

Sounds amazing.

And much more enriching than backpacking aka travelling with similar people, getting drunk together, whilst spending as little money possible locally.

Also probably going to cost them less than a year at uni.

Ha, I read War and Peace and Anna Karenina when I was 16-17, it’s definitely doable.
Haven’t had a chance to spend December in New York yet, but it sounds fabulous to me.

Again, it's got nothing to do with your DH either! Why are you talking as if they need your approval??

Are you jealous, OP? Certainly sounds like it!

Get a grip OP, bitter much? This year fabulous, much like an updated version of the Grand Tour.

Also, it's immersing, not emerging. However, and to be fair, New York in December is packed with tourists, cold and dark, and at times, she will be very much emerging onto city streets far far busier than anything I have ever seen in London. Personally, I think it's a great thing she'll find out how hideous New York is in December, I only found this out in my 40s (having only ever visited in Spring, late Summer/Autumn).

You sound so jealous!! Why can't you just be happy for her?

why does her gap year have to be "enriching" per whatever your enrichment criteria are? I did two gap years (yep, the classic backpacking stuff - actually what this girl has arranged sounds a bit different and more varied tbh) and no one had to approve or disapprove based on any sort of arbitrary enrichment criteria. What business is it of yours?

OK and?

A moment ago you said she would be going in “above entry level”. Or is that exaggerated as you don’t like them?

Unsurprisingy, OP is studiously ignoring everyone who has asked that, and is only responding to those who agree, or in order to show a bit more envy

I meant after the degree apprenticeship.

@Killiam they probably are looking to prepare her in exactly that way. As you do for your children.

And the comment on where they came from? I can’t remember who said it but someone exceptionally successful recently said: ‘people are often envious of what I have now but they are rarely envious of the work I had to put in to get there’.

So, so true. There are those in RL who are envious of my parents, my DB and me (in that order due to level of success).

My father had to travel away from us as a family for a lot of his career and we were uprooted every time he got a promotion.

My DB works away a lot too leaving his family as he is their head honcho in Europe for a company based oversees and he opted not to relocate having experienced it as a kid.

Even I am sending this from a train I have been on for over an hour having already worked for a lot of that time as I have back to back meetings with stakeholders and will get home tonight at about 11pm or so. Least I work for myself so when I do get back I can plan out my own schedule regarding actions coming from today.

I bet this family put themselves out too to provide their kids with these options. Fancy any of it for yourself?

There is probably a part of me that is jealous but that’s as a 49 year old woman. I can’t see how it’s going to be much fun for a 18 year old.

I can’t quite believe that a supposed grown adult has effectively written a hate post on a teenage girl’s life out of jealousy🤣

however she’s very attractive and comes from money - I doubt she will ever know struggle herself and I think even a gap year which exposes her to some of the harsher realities of the world would be something valuable. Instead it’s a degree apprentice in the finance world after a year of luxury, this girl will go through life without knowing a single ounce about those worse off. This is how we end up with extremely out of touch politicians

My god OP. Cringing at you being so damn jealous of a pretty 18 year old.

You seem so disgusted by her, when in fact, you're just dripping in jealousy.

It's embarrassing.

The jealousy is radiating

Why do you keep saying the EU as if it is a single country? Odd.