To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

It’s really none of your business, and your post reeks of envy and resentment.

Sounds like you don’t know their daughter very well. Who knows what she’ll do on her gap year? Her parents can plan all they like - she’ll be a grown up and will do as she pleases, with or without them knowing.

Sounds like the girl in Pulp's Common People. She may develop an appreciation for art and literature on her gap year (not a bad thing) but she'll never know "how the other half live" or work to achieve things on her own terms if her parents are buying her an apartment then going to make sure she gets a job in one of their businesses if she doesn't get anything else. Pretty cushy for her. I get that it's galling that some people just get everything handed to them. I feel the same. However, life is just inherently unfair, nothing we can really do about it.

Op I think you have the wrong idea. The parents didnt create the company so the world can have jobs, they created it for their children and childrens children to have jobs or be secure. I think you don't understand the way the world works if you think otherwise. Personally, I really respect entrepreneaurs and creating wealth from a starting block is hard. If they were my friends I would be proud of them and their neuvo riche quirkiness would make me smile to see them enjoying what they created.

She might not know "how the other half live" because of the circumstances of her birth-not because she didn't backpack through sub Saharan Africa. I also think that people underestimate the sociological imagination. Everyone actually understands how "the other half live"..… the poor understand well enough how the affluent live, and the affluent understand how the poor live. Young people only have to walk through the towns and cities nearest to them to see poverty in glorious technicolour. They don't have to venture too far.

not sure what it will teach her about 'adulthood'?!

Young affluent people may see poverty, whether in Sub-Saharan Africa or the streets of their own city, but it doesn't mean they understand it!

My household is just a normal working household, we have to budget and watch what we spend, can't afford many luxuries, but we have all the necessities of life. Absolutely nowhere near poverty - we're just a regular family that has to work for a living. My son had a friend from a very wealthy family round one day. A nice, pleasant boy of 11. He asked why we didn't have a playstation or a pool. My son said "Because my parents can't afford it". The friend could not comprehend that some families can't just afford to go out and buy whatever they desire as soon as they want it. Actual poverty would have been beyond him.

His situation is similar to the girl in the original post - his father built up a tremendously successful string of businesses from nothing. There is a real risk that the kids will take it all for granted.

The girl in the original post would be better prepared for adulthood by working in a regular job for a year, having to turn up and be reliable, and managing her own cash. It would help her become a grounded, well-rounded adult, in a way which all the cultural, luxurious experiences in the world never will.

It doesn’t sound like it’s of any consequence as to what your thoughts on the matter are so…

That's little to do with affluence and everything to do with poor parenting.

My god that sounds like a perfect year. I am very envious. Are you sure you are not just a little envious here?

I can see the point that slumming it around Asia etc. would probably build greater resilience for life, greater independence etc. Problem solving abilities.

But my god that year sounds amazing. And to be honest safer.

It is also the sort of gap year that will find her a rich husband no doubt. Sounds like something from the Talented Mr Ripley. Of course I typically spend January through March at the lodge in Cortina but this year we are thinking Verbier. Christmas? No, I always spend Christmas in New York. Maybe we will see you in Florence in September? We will be in Tuscany for most of the summer this year.

Are you jealous? Honestly what on earth has it got to do with you? If they want to do that let them crack on and maybe work on why this bothers you so much. Lots of people get jobs in family businesses

Gosh! Lucky her. I guess if they can afford it then why not, in a way. How enriching it turns out to be will depend on how she approaches it.

Sounds lovely.Why can’t she have a fun and interesting year? Too many middle class kids go on pseudo’ volunteering’ trips simply to showcase their worthiness credentials anyway. The girls trip is no more indulgent and pointless than pretending to build a classroom in Ghana or ‘teaching’ orphans somewhere . I hope she enjoys herself.

Why wouldn't it be true? I'd read both those, and plenty more similar, by the time I was 16.

I can see you turning green from here ! Sounds amazing to me they have the means so why not and I can't believe you compared London to NY that made me snort !

It's nice she's having an enjoyable year before the decades of work, drudgery and misery of adulthood!

And people in poverty don’t understand poverty at the levels experienced in South Sudan. Why do they need to ‘understand it’ as a lived experience? They don’t.

She’s not going to work in a ‘regular job’ - she’s being primed to work in her parents’ business and eventually, I imagine, take over. Her life experience up to now reflects the reality of it, which is a wealthy one. She doesn’t need to ‘live poor’ to satisfy those who thinks she should have to because they had to.

Sounds bloody great!
I'd have loved that at 18 and I’d still love that at 44.

It sounds amazing. I’d love to do that.
you sound bitter and jealous. It’s none of your business what she does so be happy for her or shut up.

I read both at 14 🤷

You sound like a bitter, twisted, jealous old c@w.

So did I. You cannot put both books in the same category, Anna Karenina is a romantic novel. War and Peace is something else altogether.

What’s a c@w?

As others have said, I don't understand why the op is so invested in this girl's life. It's entirely up to her, and her parents, what she does in her gap year. It sounds good to me. Just accept we all do things differently and move on, it's nobody else's business.

I can’t believe how many people think this kind of ‘gap year’ is ok and that there’s no problem with it! Of course it’s not up to op to meddle, but she is allowed to have an opinion and that’s what the question is about.

I agree with the op’s view that this gap year is over-indulgent. I question how this teen will ever develop skills such as resilience, problem-solving, budgeting, etc. Although it sounds like her family are wealthy, she may not always be in this position, and if she falls on hard times, will she have the skills and qualities she needs to get through?

What we enjoy isn’t always what‘s best for us.