To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

That sounds amazing. Lucky girl. I don’t think any trip is ever wasted. If she did one of those things every year over a 2 week period funded by herself once working, would you think the same thing? That would be called a holiday. A gap year with back pack travelling is a long holiday. Her parents can afford for her to do it in style.

Yes, this. You are sounding very bitter and jealous.

The travel plan sounds like a great post retirement bucket list. I might bookmark the post and tweak it for myself.

You sound very jealous and not much of a friend tbh.

Wow! They must be loaded.

Fgs she is clearly a spoilt princess regardless of whether her gap year is enriching or whatever. You need to change who you hang out with.

It seems fine to me. Also young people do read classical literature. Any prospective student applying for or doing an English Lit degree will have read a lot by that age, not sure why that is being treated with incredulity.

I don’t mind gap years in general

phew, that's a relief!
Why is a "classic backpacking trip" better? That's still a hugely privileged experience relatively. At least this is honest and she's not doing some po-faced dubiously ethical voluntourism.

If you really can't see what will be enriching about travel, meditation, art galleries, museums (it may shock you but even people who live in London can get enrichment from other cities!!) reading the greats and learning about food and wine, then what DO you consider enriching?

I think you just mean she won't suffer enough. She'll likely learn a lot. She's just not dressing it up as selfless or work-related, so it annoys you.

Why? She's doing a degree apprenticeship, so she'll be working after this year, doesn't sound that princessy to me. You sound judgemental and narrow-minded.

I agree with you OP.

A luxury year out is not going to set her up for life that has its ups and downs.

My niece did voluntary work in an orphanage in S.E. Asia.

Gives you a perspective on life and how some people live a life of extreme poverty.

I know what kind of people I'd rather hang out with.

Look at Valencia. Is she sorted out when the whole shebang collapses?

Are you sure you are a friend?

I think we would all be a bit jealous too. It’s ok.

I think they need you out of their life. Not only a horrible judging OP but your follow up comment disbelieving what the daughter has read is even worse.

Leave these people to enjoy their life and work on yours, something missing in your life is leading to this jealousy.

Sorry, this sounds like jealousy - why is the only way to spend her gap year sweating her arse off in dodgy hostels? Sounds like an amazing way to spend a year.

Sounds amazing! Might take a gap year from work and parenting and do the same!

Gosh you sound so unkind. I hope no one I’m close to is so nakedly unpleasant about choices that my DC make about their time.

I think you need to do a little self reflection here… this is very much a you problem not a them problem. I feel bad that they excitedly relayed their daughter’s plans and you’ve been so mean spirited about it. Sure it’s more luxurious than most people - but to be honest a travelling gap year is already a bit of a luxury. A couple of my friends did language and art courses in Europe on their gap years - I dont think ‘slumming’ it in a spidery Cambodian hostel with 1000s of other rich white kids would have somehow been more worthy…

also - I absolutely ready Anna K at 18 - I don’t think this is at all improbable for

You just sound really jealous and unnecessarily opinionated

There doesn’t need to be a “point” to a gap year. The whole premise is taking a year out of education/work to do what you want. It doesn’t have to be altruistic or non-indulgent. You just sound threatened because you can’t afford the same opportunity for your own child.

Envy is not a good look op you just come across as jealous.

Is it because you didn't get that as a young adult or because you can't provide it for your dc?.

Who are you to judge what is "indulgent" anyway.

Worry about yourself instead of how others enjoy their time and spend their money.

These replies are peak Mumsnet.

This kid is essentially going on a year long luxury holiday. I doubt she saved up years worth of babysitting money to pay for it.

Interesting to know what you’d class as an enriching gap year OP? Because you sounded surprised it wasn’t backpacking but I’m not sure how drinking your way around Thailand & posing for photos with drugged up tigers or riding an elephant is particularly enriching?

Sounds amazing

No mention of her having any friends? Poor child. It sounds like she's spending a year doing activities thay will serve a woman of this class and wealth well and she will be nicely marriageable with culture/ cooking and entertaining under her belt once she's finished her qualifications.
I thought my friend's back packing/ fruit picking/ drug taking year were utterly pointless. I couldn't afford it and needed keep working towards my future career.

Hehehe yes please - extend that to people in their 60s !

OP - get over it - fast. Because basically no one is bothered what you think about it.

Also a big 'so what' about reading Tolstoy. He's a great author and I've read both those books. At 18 I was into Thomas Hardy in a big way - again - so what. And to add to these horrors I never even went to university; and no one could boast about me or otherwise!!

You don’t sound very nice, OP.

Sounds more fun than my gap (3) years living in hostels with rats and living off Kraft cheese slices and instant noodles the whole time. Why not? Who gets to decide what’s a ‘valuable’ gap year and what isn’t? I’m all for it. She’s obviously loaded anyway so even when she does her degree, her experience won’t be like other students. Let it go OP, they’re richer than you and life isn’t fair!