To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

I can’t believe how many people think this kind of ‘gap year’ is ok and that there’s no problem with it! Of course it’s not up to op to meddle, but she is allowed to have an opinion and that’s what the question is about.

Why is she “allowed an opinion”? It’s not her money. It’s not her time. It’s not her who will have to organise anything or pay for it.

Why doesn’t she just get on with her own life and keep her bloody beak out?!

I’m head of first year in a large humanities department at a large university with a very mixed intake. I can assure you that lack of resilience, imperfect budgeting and failures in problem-solving are in no way restricted to the children of the rich.

Of course it’s okay - they’re able to afford it and want to spend their money on it.

Being from a wealthy family and living a wealthy lifestyle doesn’t prohibit someone from learning those skills, and being from a financially struggling family doesn’t mean that someone will learn them. If her circumstances change she will of course have to adapt, but it isn’t necessary for her to have a trial run. After all, people in the UK usually haven’t experienced war, or poverty at the level of South Sudan, but they’re not typically send off to have a go at either ‘just in case’.

Her lived experience reflects her reality, the same as the rest of us.

A gap year spent backpacking round distant lands would have been my idea of hell at that age. All these years later, it still is.

The comment where the OP said what her husband did and didn't "mind" their friends doing for the girl doing the gap year shows that they actually feel like they should be part of the decision making process. They are invested in this girls future because they want families who can do this kind of thing to be guilted into not doing it because "we can't so it's not fair" and they wanted the good people of mumsnet to carry on such a rallying call.

It's similar to the school fees debate. The Govt are hoping that making that more expensive as well as pitting people against each other (again this new mentality of you can do it and I can't and it's not fair!!) will guilt people like us who use that system into thinking it's a lost cause and half their job in destroying the private school system is done. Thing is it's not really working cos those of us that can will just stand firm and stick together.

It's all part of the same thing. Make everyone angry cos someone else has something else that you don't have. Respond to a Govt rallying call that it should be made unacceptable/illegal/taboo. Don't argue so much when draconian rules governing what people can and can't do with their own cash is put in place. Everyone in servitude to their Govt masters who saved them.