To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

I guess part of the issue is DH grew up with the dad, both from very ordinary backgrounds. The mother is also from a very ordinary background and while they have both built very successful businesses since then it feels like this a massive “I’ve forgotten where I come from”. From the 20 minute appearance she made while we were there she seems like a nice enough girl, however she’s very attractive and comes from money - I doubt she will ever know struggle herself and I think even a gap year which exposes her to some of the harsher realities of the world would be something valuable. Instead it’s a degree apprentice in the finance world after a year of luxury, this girl will go through life without knowing a single ounce about those worse off. This is how we end up with extremely out of touch politicians.

That may be an issue for her in the future. The terror of doing something her parents don’t approve of….. Hopefully they will allow her space to develop into the person she wants to be and she doesn’t have to dance to their tune to get the million pound flat (I’d honestly rather have a no strings attached rented studio I’d paid for myself than a million pound gilded cage).

Hopefully she’ll meet people her own age. At that age they think 25 year olds are ancient.

I’m sure she’ll do plenty of things her parents don’t schedule, I remember being 18, even as a book nerd 😃

Backpacking is dangerous, I think this is a much more measured approach tbh.

Jealousy doesn't fit you well, OP, don't wear it again.
If they can afford it, good for them and for her. Are you this bitter because you've never had the same experience?

Bloody hell, OP.

This comes across very much like, "working class people should know their place".

God forbid self made people should use their money to give their children the kind of opportunities they could only have dreamed of when they were young.

And "a gap year which exposes her to some of the harsher realities of the world" is absolute bullshit. Sending privileged teenagers with no actual practical skills off to build schools or teach English or work in turtle conservation in developing countries is just sending them on an expensive holiday which deprives local people of jobs and brings little or no benefit to the local economy. That teenager then comes home and tells gullible people about the worthy work they did, whilst people who actually know what volunteerism involves just roll their eyes.

Sounds great but not like the volunteering in developing countries that I did in my gap year paid for by myself. Im a bit jealous too op!
In my day ( sounding old) a gap year was a way to enhance the cv by doing something worthwhile. Not a last hurrah before working life.
Having said that...good on her!

Oh I’m sure she will, her parents were quite honest about hoping this will keep her away from drugs which she has already started dabbling in.

Teaching English is valuable to many developing countries as it is the language of business. That's what I did.
Also conservation work is crucial to our planet. The locals often can't volunteer themselves as they have to survive. The locals on Nepal loved learning about the UK and I loved learning about Nepal.

Surely anyone who can read can read these books? The question will be whether you actually take away anything from them or not, not whether you have actually read them. Just reading them wouldn’t be much of an achievement in itself, although I suppose it would show some kind of attention span.

The year sounds amazing. I’d probably rather have that year at 40 or 50 than 18 but some things are just easier when you’re young - no responsibilities etc.

If they were bragging about her then that’s annoying, but you sound jealous and over invested in this OP. They’ve clearly got more money than most people so their choices are never going to be the norm for most people’s frornds. Hopefully your own DD has the sense not to compare herself with others and enjoy this exciting stage of her own life.

Ah, well. They’re obviously worried about her and trying to help her. And the bigging her up is probably partly because of the shame and worry about the drug use. There’s likely a lot going on behind the veneer of success

I don’t think the bragging was the issue, about the only thing we have in common with them now is similarly aged children. I’m sure it came across like we were bragging about our children too.

I'm not sure why you're so shocked at idea that an 18 year old might read Anna Karenina etc. You sound both jealous and condescending re both the parents and daughter tbh. Not a good look. Also hard to disguise.

sorry OP, no, no one “needs” to experience shit early on in life to “understand” others.

Was going to say the same.

we read crime and punishment at school when we were 16.

OP sounds jealous.

Wow that sounds like an amazing gap year. If I had the money to give my children those experiences I would have 🤷‍♀️

Why do people keep saying backpacking is dangerous?

So? If the family can afford it, what's it to anyone else?

Such bitter, bitter posts from you, OP. The 'we've forgotten where we came from' shot is extremely cheap; you are projecting that because you are so very envious of their station now.
How do you know this girl 'will not suffer'? You hae no idea what her future holds, anything could happen.
You do not know that 'she won't know a single ounze' about others' situations? You have no fucking idea because you've barely seen her or her parents in years.

Rarely has such a thread been so judgemental and nasty. This is how we end up with bitter, envious societies; the envious, rather than trying to work out why they are envious, or how they may get 'what they over there have', just moan about inequality, demonstrating a paucity of drive or imagination, and indeed, very little understanding of other people

This post is a depiction of envy and is ugly. It actually appears a touch too envious. It almost seems designed to elicit it. The stereotypes of wealth are so abundant, it is as if it were thrown together by AI that has been tasked to make respondents froth. It's not the only post I've read today that looks too stereotypical to be believed.

I guess part of the issue is

No, there's no issue. Apart from your screamingly obvious jealously!!!

People are not allowed to give their kids experiences they couldn’t afford themselves. Such a horrible jealous sentiment. A normal
friend would be happy for their friends success and the amazing opportunities they have and can give to their kids.

and what do entitled politicians have to do with an 18 year old girl going on a gap year?

Okay, I take on board that backpacking isn’t anymore enriching.
It still feels like they are trying to create a daughter who will socialise well at corporate dinners when they inevitably propel her into a role she is under qualified for at one of their companies.
I really struggle with privilege and this family reeks of it.

Late teens/early adulthood is prime time to be reading Russian (and other) classics of literature. I'd have loved that gap year, I'd have loved a year like that at any time in my life! Lucky, lucky, girl!
Green really doesn't suit you, @Killiam.