To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

Your comments seem to be fuelled by envy. I think it sounds great, and there's no requirement for gap years to be worthy. She will have many experiences, which will enhance her soft skills. I would also have hated backpacking. It's definitely not for everyone.

Sorry are you the supreme ruler of gap years or something?

The jealousy is radiating from your words clear as day, OP. I’d rein it in.

Although it sounds like a dream to me, for a young person it sounds lonely. Is she going with friends? Can she change plans impulsively or is it all planned FOR her?

I also suspect such carefully arranged plans for 'enrichment' and all the activities growing up, means she'll have a lot of pressure to be successful & a controlled life rather than experiences & fun.

Luxury sounds fab, though, and much better than backpacking!

Orphanage volunteering is often extremely unhelpful to the kids and at worst very harmful. Just one link https://bettercarenetwork.org/rethinkorphanages/problem-with-visiting-volunteering-in-orphanages .

Kids from the rich developed world prioritising their own "perspective on life" over safety and decent care for the kids they profess to care about. I hope your niece has learned to do her research better now. The OP's friends' kid at least is not perpetuating harm under the guise of altruism.

Unclear what you think Valencia actually has to do with it but I bet the UK kids who bought the "help orphans" package would struggle as much in a devastating flood as the ones who bought the "food, wine and ski-ing" package.

She's going to have an amazing time! I think all the bits in brackets are what makes it sound slightly pretentious or like they've felt they need to justify it. I hope she enjoys it and discovers a lot about herself.

Yup poverty tourism.

This is not a good look OP. No gap year is pointless if it gives someone the necessary rest to be able to go into uni fired up and motivated. It sounds like a once in a lifetime trip. She won't ever have that sort of freedom again. I'm sure she will make treasured memories and have many learning experiences along the way that will give her confidence and crucial life skills. Not all gap years look the same. You don't have to be slumming it for a trip to be worthwhile. You sound very jealous.

You'd be surprised, that generation place a lot on "experiences" so a cooking class sounds very much like something they'd do

It sounds in much better taste than going to Thailand to drink on a beach with other white kids!

They’ve proposed a ‘finishing school’ getting her ready for her actual future life. Which might not be to your taste (b/c envy, inequality etc) - but it will certainly not be pointless.

Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million it is a bit show offy for them to have mentioned the flat. But again you choose to move in these circles and this is the sort of thing that's normal.

Wish I could have afforded that for my two DC. It sounds amazing.

Actually, wish I could afford it for myself!!

The envy is seeping out of every pore.
Not only that, you share your derision here hoping that everyone will be as 'outraged' (jealous) as you are.
Your post is very specific and thus very outing.
How very, very tacky.
Why so bitchy?

I think it's somewhat indulgent in that it's all self-enrichment, but it's not at all pointless; she's obviously chosen things she wants to do. Plus it doesn't look like a complete free-for-all "spend all the money you want!" - for example, she's staying at the chalet her family owns rather than choosing a location and paying for a place to stay for that part of the trip.

Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)...

I'm jealous that she can spend this much time in Schengen without the need to do something that would allow her a visa (I'm assuming she has another EU citizenship?) The post-Brexit loss of FOM really fucked with a lot of people's gap years and other long/open ended trips; very hard to arrange temporary work opportunities now, plus only being able to stay in Schengen 90 days out of each 180.

It is a lot but if they've got the money to fund this then this sort of thing is normal to them, how the other half live I'm afraid.
I can't stand the expression 'well rounded' though.

Oh I didn't think of that. What if they see this OP?

I was going to say the same, it's a classic gap year more so than backpacking, privileged girls went to a finishing school rather than to university (or before) to learn to cook, be a hostess, make polite conversation at dinner etc. ready for running a home and bagging a wealthy husband.

I'd take that gap year now if I could afford to take 12 months career gap, sounds amazing.

My 11 year old could read Anna Karenina. If he'd enjoy it or understand all of it it's another discussion.

Interesting; another thread where seemingly, only responses sympathetic to OPs assertion are welcome by OP

They actually mentionned the price of her flat. OP, you need new friends. I have got two wealthy friends but atleast they are classy about it and don't brag and show off infront of less fortunate friends as myself.

YABU why does it matter what someone does on a gap year? And 'indulgent'? So fugging what? After all that years of study and education, she deserves it! It sounds like she'll have a similar experience to backpacking anyway, she just won't be actually 'backpacking'. Good on her! She'll be kept busy! I say even if kids want to take the year off and do absolutely nothing and laze about, they've well earned it! Why shouldn't they? I agree with others that you sound jealous. And narrow-minded.

Why shouldn't an 18 years old person have read some classics? Some young people are intelligent, articulate and interesting, and want to fill their brain with something more edifying than social media trout-pouts and vacuousness.
You really have a downer on money and intelligence

Very happy to admit I'm ridiculously envious of such a wonderful year

At no point in my life would I ever be able to do that, even when retired!

That's going to cost £50-£100k !

I agree.
Some of dd's friends had a 2 week trip to Africa, supposedly helping with a school.
It cost thousands and a lot of fundraising was done.
I talked to dd and she agreed not to go.
I explained that the company organising the trip were making most of the money.
That is was all about a good CV and virtue signalling.
That it would be far better for the african school and the environment to raise the money and send it whilst staying home.

Sounds brilliant and I will be planning something similar for mine. Even the stress relief thing that could be seen as a little woo-woo will probably give her tools she may need in the future to manage herself and ensure she gets the best from her life.

Why on earth not?
Do you think all teenagers just read social media? Cannot appreciate a good wine, or want to cook?
V judgemental