To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

You don’t need the funds. Your daughter can work for half the year to save to go travelling for the second half of the year.

This is a bit confusing. I funded my travels myself at that age. Why do you need to fund it? Plenty of cheap/working gap year options available in UK and abroad.

Interesting that your response is 'we can't afford it's, not 'my daughter doesn't want a gap year'. Sounds like maybe you are a bit jealous and if you had the money you think your daughter might love to do something like this...

So this young person should take themselves off on a poverty safari to benefit themselves?

People in low income countries do not exist to provide learning opportunities for privileged kids.

Also given the historic abuses perpetrated by bosses at some of the world's largest charitable orgs, I wouldn't be sending a young woman to work for them.

How privileged you sound. I don't have funds for uni.

But don't worry, I approve of uni for those that can. I won't be sneering, jealously at your daughter.

How lovely. It sounds like she has planned a good balance of social, wellbeing, cultural and work related experiences there. I'm not sure how it could be improved upon by lugging a big bag on her back, sleeping in a three tier bunk and pretending to need to budget (all the time knowing "if she called her daddy he could stop it all") I actually respect her for bypassing the fakery and poverty tourism aspect and seizing the opportunity her parents wealth affords with authenticity.

What OP needs to remember is that no one in life has it all. Regardless of fortune everyone will have their struggles at one time or another x

Who cares if it's true? Very judgemental post in general. Yes, not the usual choice of gap year but we are not all so fortunate.

Can I come....sounds amazing! Very carefully thought out. Love it

You can’t see that Greek island hopping and a ski season is going to be fun? Fml.

Jealousy and inverted snobbery are not good looks, OP, and you reek of both.

Sounds delightful! Hope she has a great time!

Since this wouldn't help people in Africa in any way whatsoever, surely she's allowed to decide for herself what she would find most enriching?

The black runs in Megève have their limits 😉

Bit more appealing to find said limits though, if the alternative is to indulge in a bit of poverty tourism in order to virtue signal.

I was a backpacker for a while. I was a reserved introvert and NEVER got very drunk or had a one night stand.

I was roofied, sexually assaulted twice and stolen from several times. Backpacking in my opinion is really unsafe for young women unless they are in a big group or with a boyfriend (and even then it is questionable).

We have a culture in the UK of glorifying suffering. It is very strange. We would rather young adults sleep in hostels and get trashed than visit museums and go wine tasting.

If I had a child wanting to go on a gap year I would do everything in my power to fund them doing it safely.

I would rather my daughter came home with stories of experiences that will see her through life and open her mind than trauma.

Yes, I know bad things happen in expensive environments (before anyone jumps on me) but I've seen first hand just how bad backpacking environments are.

I spend a lot of time in Africa, too. And my head is in my hands after reading your posts.

There's a reason that VSO changed (long ago) from sending student volunteers for 6-12 months, to placing experienced professionals (often early retirees) for periods of two years or more, to lead projects and train those locals who'll take up the leadership when they leave.

All the companies who provide teenagers with volunteer placements, need closing down, frankly. I've seen the mess they leave behind.

I’m jealous to be honest. I would have loved this opportunity as a young person.

glad that the poverty tourism is being called out here. A teenager is unlikely to have any useful skills to help people in poverty

A yearlong luxury holiday with no risks or challenges. If she has any spirit she’ll be bored out of her skull and take off somewhere unexpected.

Don’t you mean you really struggle with your own feelings of jealousy and your posts reek of it? Dearly me OP, this is very identifiable and you don’t come across at all well.

Don’t you mean you really struggle with your own feelings of jealousy and your posts reek of it? Dearly me OP, this is very identifiable and you don’t come across at all well.

Not a big deal, I read both when young snd don't consider myself all that special. Some people love literature.

Sounds fun to me!

Lol the people saying it sounds safer than backpacking. Both involve getting on different forms of transport with the public. I guess the hotels seem safer. I've travelled a lot over the years and been assaulted once in a hotel and inappropriately approached a few times and ducked off. When backpacking around Asia and Australia and Europe .. not one issue

I honestly find it extraordinary given the intense poverty in some parts of Africa that you are unable to see the benefits of any kind of tourism! It provides jobs and income. It offers the opportunity for large scale fundraising and interest in the culture generally.

Our school raised a tremendous amount of money and built a school. In time it became fully stocked. How on earth can that ne called a bad thing or labelled ‘poverty tourism’. Our teachers would fly out and offer basic lessons completely free of charge. It was run by the community, for the community.

There's a difference between qualified professionals applying their skills to benefit what's needed in a region, supporting an infrastructure that will continue benefiting the locals, to capitalising on said region's poverty to make a bunch of unqualified teens feel better about themselves, have a sense of purpose and good stories to tell their friends when they're back in the safety of their middle class lives.

This difference comes down to self-gratification vs meaningful impact.

I find your view is astonishingly indulgent, the places I have been couldn’t care any less about middle class gratification, they are/were desperate to find the money to eat and feed their children! They really are not picky about what ‘kind’ of tourist they are, or what their motivations are for visiting! I think you are deeply misguided,