To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

So it's never right to help in your book? Right then.

There are multiple schools of thoughts that are not quite mature.
The first one is that poorly thought through voluntourism is helpful.

The second one is to think that only "helping train the locals" by professionals is helpful. It can be helpful in targeted ways, but it's actually that kind of help that is the most likely to be patronising and unhelpful.

Then there's the projects with local leadership who just need helpful hands, and who are wanting to educate the participants to the local reality. When in situations of real poverty, the problems are overwhelming and one can only alleviate tiny pain points. Maybe it's hearing about a project, then going home and fundraising. Maybe it's clearing rubble for a week. Maybe it's serving water to people in queues. Maybe it's just shadowing local volunteers for a week to learn more about the system. Maybe it's just one small brick in a pathway to understanding international relations that will come to fruition 25 years later.

It's so easy to criticise and do nothing. It's become the new snobbery, and latest excuse to not get involved.

It's also just as misguided as the view that consists in thinking that Christmas shoebox gifts are doing the recipients a massive favour.

I can see the benefits, yes, for willing volunteers. When it’s (piously) trotted out in threads like this though, it’s as tedious a suggestion as ‘check your privilege’.

This girl being wealthy, and her reality reflecting that, doesn’t mean she’s unaware of her privilege or the fact that other people struggle. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t contribute to charity or involve herself in relief efforts (and whether she does or doesn’t is her personal choice). She can just go on this gap year for the sake of going on this gap year, it isn’t something she needs to ‘pay for’ in good works for anyone else’s approval.

This sounds like the beginning of her social media/Luxury Influencer career. This is exactly the type of lifestyle that I'm seeing a lot of Gen Z's vlogging on tiktok/YouTube/Instagram. If done correctly this can also lead to earning '000's via brand partnerships/sponsorship etc...

It sounds wonderful! I’d love to plan something similar for my children if the cash allowed - probably a couple of months as this sounds v pricey but wow won’t she have the most brilliant time. It probably will be very “enriching”, experiencing all those countries and cultures.
What’s the point of this post? Yes you want people’s opinions… but why? To make you feel like a nicer person / that it’s normal to feel as you do about this girl’s travel plans? To try to get people to pile on and say how extravagant it is to show the friend or to somehow feel smug? To have a laugh at your friend? I am find it hard to see a positive reason for this post.
My Granny used to say “If you’ve nothing nice to say… say nothing!”

I'm afraid your comment reeks of envy.

If they can afford it so be it. Hopefully, they will try to show her that volunteer work and other charity work is important too but frankly if they can afford to make sure she has the best opportunities in life then good for them and lucky her.

Sounds amazing!
I agree with @Hatty123 you sound jealous and not a very nice friend.

Sorry OP but what is your problem. Not your business and you’re just jealous.

Why can't it be true? My friends 15 year old has just finished War and Peace. He's always enjoyed reading, and my the age of 7 had read most of the harry potter books himself.

Sounds exactly like 'the grand tour' that all wealthy youngsters did in the 1700-1800s. It used to be the hallmark of sophistication, education and worldliness.

Personally I'd prefer backpacking and adventure but if the parents can and want to fund this, why not?

I know you don't think you are, but perhaps you are a tad jealous? Otherwise there's not much point to feel so strongly about someone else's life choices.

I just read all your posts and you don't actually know this family well, and have only met the daughter for 20mins, yet you have such a strong judgy reaction?

You state she'll be underqualified for corporate jobs - how do you know that based on a gap year when she's, what, 19?

And the 'family reeks of privilege' although they come from ordinary backgrounds and have built their wealth and success? That's not exactly privilege in the usual usage of the word.

I don't think your issue is this family but something/someone else altogether. Sounds like you feel you didn't get what you want and deserve in life. But that's not this girl's fault in any way.

Have you posted about this girl before, with some of the details changed? There's someone else here who makes spiteful threads about a young woman who was largely educated in France, who is about to do a degree apprenticeship in finance. That MNer is also very envious, sometimes on behalf of her own DC, even though they too get plenty of support.

I think the gap year sounds fantastic btw.

Sounds amazing! What an opportunity! She has the rest of her life to adult, if she has this chance now why not take it!

Shes having a gap yahhhhhhh!!!

@DonnaSummet this cracked me up!

😂😂😂 🐸

Sounds perfect.

I'm sure she'll get more out of it than spending a year back packing, working in a bar, getting wasted with dodgy strangers blah blah.

I need this gap year. Sign me up yesterday. J feel like this sounds amazing. I did travelling but I took a suitcase, heels and stayed in hotels until I found a group I was confortable travelling with and staying in hostels. It was amazing. Gap year doesnt mean you have to wear walking sandals and carry a sleeping mat. Have a gap year however you like. I self finded mine,l through working three jibs while at uni but I would fund my childs if they wanted to and were showing me they can be sensible about it.

Whats wrong with reading war and peace? I read the bible front to back when i was about 12 as I was not religious and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Still not religious. i also read Lord of the rings and Shogun at that age. Both huge books. Some people like reading, my husband hates reading. We can live happily side by side with not an eyebrow raised between us for our reading habits.

Sounds lovely? The idea that gap years have to be somehow ‘worthy’ by being cheap-ish and somewhere exotic was always fairly silly anyway and gave rise to loads of problematic ‘volunteering’ schemes. Everyone knows they’re a year to have fun and gain independence before reality kicks in again and dressing them up as much more is fairly disingenuous in most cases.

I wonder if her parents are terrified of her potential to go off the rails and/or if they're worried about her MH and this plan is their way of redirecting her. I could be entirely wrong but that would be behind my motivation if I planned this for DD when she was this age. Otherwise it sounds like a great year.
Anna Karenina and W&P are really just well written, engaging and long soap operas and are easy to engage with.

None of your business.

Sounds amazing. You're being very judgemental, dare I say through jealousy. They obviously have enough money and quite frankly, life is far too short so if she wants to do this and they can afford it, how amazing an experience for her xx

Indeed. It’s not at all unbelievable that someone with an interest in literature would have read through two well known classics at 19, or even younger. I think I was around 14/15 when I started reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. Tbf my dad is Russian, so they were and are considered standard reading, not a reason to brag. If one or both of her parents are from former Soviet countries/satellites then I imagine it may be the same for them.

Speaking of poverty tourism/ understanding the value of a simple ‘poor’ life though, if she made it through Tolstoy’s sermons then she’s at least got the idea.

I’m sorry but your post screams jealousy. The trip sounds fantastic and I’m sure she will remember it forever, you don’t actually care whether it’s enriching for her, you’re not even good friends with the family