To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

I was still only 17 when I finished 'A' Levels so was more or less forced to have a gap year as my headmistress recommended that university entrance was deferred. This was in the late 1970s. I had passed my driving test, though.
Absolutely no choice as to what I was going to do. I would have been happy returning to M&S as I had been working there as a Saturday girl in the 6th Form to pay for my driving lessons.
My headmistress wanted me to go and do courses at the Sorbonne.
In the end I spent the time as an au-pair in Germany. Family extremely wealthy but dysfunctional. Luckily I had some contacts in the area so ended up meeting some lovely people.
This was not at all good for me as it was fairly isolating and probably contributed to the 40+ years of depression that raises its ugly head now and again (lack of control over my life).
I think your friends' daughter's gap year sounds interesting and challenging. Not everyone has to do virtue-signalling good works.

All gap years are self indulgent, there's nothing wrong with that.

I think it sounds amazing!

For a child like this a stint in Africa, volunteering and seeing a different side to life would have been more beneficial to her than another ski season in Val. To create character, depth and compassion.

How is this more pointless and indulging than partying her way around the world like most of the gap yearers that I know do/did.

It sounds amazing and you sound bitter and jealous OP!

It sounds like a 'finishing' year for a deb who's about to make her society entrance with a view to finding a suitable husband. But that's how the upper classes have always operated.

I regret not doing a ski season myself actually and will be encouraging my kids to do one. Not that we're upper class - just love skiing!

Most volunteering opportunities in low income countries are nothing but poverty tourism and completely useless and sometimes unethical and mostly enrich the companies that charge 3-5k for the placement. The last thing a poor community needs is a posh unskilled English teenager trying to build a playground or paint the orphanage walls. That money is better spent donating to a local organisation.

How would you feel if unskilled Kenyan teenagers came to work at your child’s school or nursery and every 2-3 months you get different ones showing up.

Sound amazing, lucky girl. I would love my children to have such opportunities.
Aside from the activities, I do think a year out before uni can be beneficial. I was only just 18 when I went and definitely still a child. I pissed around and was quite homesick. A year to find my feet as a “grown up” out of the school system would have done me good.

I agree with this.

I spent a lot of time in africa and my skills were appreciated, as was the donation. It’s an assumption to assume she is ‘unskilled’ and even travelling through can be an education in itself.

What the hell, let her go for it.
Backpacking has always struck me as probably the most godawful way to travel imaginable,
DC1's gap year consisted of working in a local 2nd hand record store thereby amassing a formidable collection of vinyl 45s and a tidy sum to take to uni.

What professional skills does a 17 year old have that are useful and needed in a poor environment? It’s white saviourism that needs addressing here. She is already planning to travel, is poverty tourism the only way to educate yourself about the lives of others.

What skills can an 18 year old really have? Even the donations with these schemes are not without their issues. Please do some proper research.

I disagree, they offer exchanges of skills where we were. Before arriving I had no idea what deprivation meant. My 17y old can lip read and has taught others as part of her DoE this young lady may also have an array of useful skills that she can bring.

We funded an entire school to be built over 5 years, that has such a difference.

Jealousy is a bastard isn’t it OP.

Lucky girl! Sounds amazing to me, When are we leaving?

back packing/ fruit picking/ drug taking

Lol

Having her own place so young is a massive advantage/ privilege. Once she's working and earning she can have many more adventures that others could only dream about.

With an apprenticeship degree she isn't going to face the loans issue to quite the same extent and M&D are not going to have to fork out for the degree years so this is another way to broaden her horizons although as you say in quite a sheltered way in many ways but horses for courses if she isn't into the back packing scene then fair enough

YABU
It sounds like she will experience different cultures and new experiences, so will have a broader view of the world. Just because it’s European culture doesn’t mean you won’t meet/hang with people from different walks of life. I think it’s actually really forward thinking to do the emotional intelligence stuff.

sadly often lacking in people , in the workplace and in management. And in posters like yourself who think it’s ’self Indulgent’ twaddle. If more people cared to do some of this, the world would be kinder with less judgement and people being less triggered!

I think you’re either a bit envious that someone doesn’t need to work and can just do things for pleasure (I mean who wouldn’t be! I’d love to have that opportunity).

or maybe you’re not very receptive to things outside of your comfort zone. Are you being a bit closed minded here? Not everything has to link back to productivity or achievement.

OP is sounds amazing, I'm pretty envious :) I think maybe young people have different expectations these days. My DD is no princess but staying in hostels just isn't for her. She would love the year your friend is able to offer her DD, I'm not so she will probably decide that travelling on a gap year isn't something she'll do.

Haha! A touch of the green eyed monster OP?

It sounds amazing!!!

My family had literally zero money so my time abroad at that age had to be backpacking and working my way around Oz and NZ! I went overdrawn in one account to put money in another, to show I had the funds to get my visa! But in reality, I left UK on a one way ticket with no more than £400 I'd saved from a warehouse job! I HAD to work or I wouldn't have had anywhere to sleep or anything to eat while travelling! I also wouldn't have had any money for a return ticket!! £400 doesn't get you food and accomodation fro 18 months and a return ticket to the UK from Oz!

But if my family had money and could afford this fantastic trip, then wow!! You bet I'd have loved that!! I hope this kid enjoys herself! If I could afford that for my children, I'd be offering the same! It sounds very safe, very well planned and very fun!

Oh my God, sounds like my ideal year 🤣 Good for her. !

My DD had read both of those before even starting her A levels so I don’t see why you find that hard to believe, DD didn’t have a gap year but the one you’ve listed sounds fabulous and quite good experience. I’d love to be able to give that sort of experience to my children (or myself for that matter) but I can’t.

That sounds a lot safer than back-packing. Lucky them to he able to afford this for their DD.