To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

My dd loves nothing more than reading the classic and taking cooking classes.
People do you know. She was 16 when she went on her first pastry course.
Rather ignorant sweeping statement.
And backpacking? Nope not for her or my other 2 either. Too dodgy and way too basic.
They like their comfort. And absolutley nothing wrong with that. We are v comfortable money wise and make their lives as easy as possible.
They are all high acheivers in their own field of education so not like they sit on their arses.
Jealousy is a terrible thing.

It's striking that so many of us aged 40+ think this is a fantasy gap year. It sounds like something for a very lucky retiree, not an 18 year old. Or, as someone said, like something from a finishing school.

Yes, she is a very fortunate young woman but is she guaranteed to feel any better or more rounded as a person than an 18 year old who finds themselves a job locally and saves up to on away somewhere they have chosen? We don't know but it seems from what you say that the daughter's choices are being made by her parents, not her.

You sound sour. I don't like voluntourism much. I suspect voluntary organisations hate it, but have to put up with snotty teenagers 'doing their bit'.
As to OP's friends, they obviously care about their DD and have the money for what is really a finishing school year. DD is doing a degree apprenticeship afterwards, so it's not all princessy. Also, I would hesitate to send a DC backpacking, and would not want a DD to do it at all - the risks are horrendous. Sensible family. OP is green-eyed.

Yes. It all sounds a bit finishing school, especially the cookery and wine tasting aspect.

This sounds incredible. What amazing parents they are and how lucky to be in such a position to provide their daughter with this kind of opportunity. I hope she loves every min. You come across bitter and jealous to the point I don't believe this could possibly be a real post...

Not everyone feels comfortable with the challenges of backpacking in countries that might arguably be described as 'developing'. If she can afford this safer and undoubtedly cushier experience and that's what she wants to do then it's up to her. I can't be bothered to get worked up about it. Perhaps she's worked her socks off on her A levels and is hoping to do a very full-on degree course like medicine or engineering and wants to just indulge herself for a year in between, before she's stressed again.

I know a young person who is very bright, very interested in art and poetry and culture and not at all privileged, from a solidly WC background. She would never be able to afford a travelling gap year of any description, but if she could, she'd choose galleries and museums in Europe and NYC, reading classic literature and taking enrichment courses over full moon parties and bathing elephants in Thailand or volunteering in orphanages in Africa any day of the week.

Different strokes for different folks.

To be fair I did read both those books at a similar age. I’m really very ordinary but just loved reading.

If I had the money I think that gap year sounds fantastic, enjoy yourself while you’re young I say.

Why would a back packing gap year be any more beneficial than what she has planned? She will see culture, meet new people, have new experiences and at the end of the year come back to reality. There are plenty of learning opportunities in where she is going and what she has planned and hopefully she has a fabulous time. It doesn't matter who funds it she is very fortunate to be able to go and I wish her well. I would do the same for my child if I could

Do some still go to finishing schools? Some were based in Switzerland back in my day ( I recall reading about them once and seeing a documentary about what they teach there, it was fascinating) , they then knew which knife and fork to use and how to behave in polite company ( amongst other things)

Cannot abide those volunteer tourism. One of the most self indulgent show your privelage things any teen can do. Ive no time for it.
I definatelty wouldnt like any of my girls involved in it and i know some who did it and they are not the kind id like them to hang out with. Totally ignorant of how the world actually works.

Absolutely.

There is a good reason why VSO and other properly recognised schemes are only open to experienced professionals and are of several years’ duration - it is because this is the only way that the benefits of such an exercise outweigh the costs and risks.

An experienced teacher, doctor, midwife, engineer or plumber working in a developing country for several years, under a properly structured scheme that ensures that they also pass on knowledge and expertise to build capacity in local communities (as well as learning more about what is needed to inform future work), now that is useful.

An eighteen year old arriving in an African country to work on a well-building project for a few weeks or months only takes up resources. They would do more good by staying at home and making a donation to Water Aid or similar.

An eighteen year old might, very rarely, have a useful skill, but they are extremely unlikely to have ever used it in a professional context, for the quite simple reason that they are only eighteen and barely out of childhood themselves.

The young lady in question will probably be able to contribute far more to charity by waiting a few years, completing her degree apprenticeship, getting some professional experience and then becoming a volunteer for a charity in the UK. Charities are desperate for Treasurers, along with other trustees, and she could be genuinely useful.

https://reachvolunteering.org.uk/opportunities-solr

Lucky , lucky girl. If her parents can afford it, why not. Her gap year is no more pointless than everyone else's. The difference is she doesn't have to go apple picking to fund her travels. Bank of mum and dad will pay for it all. She's very lucky. I hope you are hiding your jealousy from your dd.

The Swiss finishing schools are almost entirely gone now, fortunately. I think IVP is the only one left, or was a few years ago, and a lot of their business is now short courses of a couple of months, not a year long stint, and their intake is mostly from Asia, the ME and South America, and not just the young, but anyone who wants to give an impression of ‘refinement’ and an ability to manage domestic staff.

I am from S Asia and am not keen on volountourism, often by people with zero understanding of local culture or language.

Where did the OP say she was hardworking. To be honest most good parents would recognise all the benefits such a trip can bestow on a young adult. This girl will have cultural & social capital in spades, she will thrive. Well done to her parents.

OP you & DH sound completely out of your depth in the company of this family. How do you know them exactly ?

Well if the parents are paying they can jolly well choose where they like. It's an investment for them. Are you sure it wasn't a time machine throwback with Michael & Carole Middleton? The story sounds oddly familiar.

What is your 17 year old planning?

I think that building "very successful businesses" from "very ordinary backgrounds" takes a fair bit of hard work.

Oh come on, if some proud parents manage to brag about their child being “so advanced” by rolling over or smiling a week or so before the NHS guidelines, it’s perfectly believable that other parents might boast about their darling daughter’s fairly unremarkable reading choices

I'm jealous. I want a year like that

It's a holiday dressed as a gap year. Good luck to her.

But often a gap year is a holiday, though it’s more often limited by finances, or the person taking it having to break off the holiday but to earn money to continue, or arranged around some kind of voluntourism initiative.

Absolutely this!!