To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

How is that any more pointless thanany other gap year?

Sounds bloody brilliant and more honest than the usual trust fund brat taking selfies with poor people for a year in various locations and thinking they are ' enriched' by their experience before going back to do a pointless degree and becoming a performance artist or model or whatever they do these days.

Was this necessary? What are you hoping to achieve by airing very personal details about a teenage girl you barely know on a public forum? It’s just gross.

YABU. That sounds amazing!

You sound jealous, OP. Not unreasonable- I’m jealous. If she needs that level of de-stressing at 17, though, god only knows what she’ll be like in 30 years.

Sounds amazing, I'm jealous too

In the famously fair and privilege free world of finance? Gambling for the super rich with other people's money?

You seem to have lots of issues which basically boil down to a disagreement over parenting. But your kids are nearly adults and none of their choices affect you. Is your daughter spending a year living at home and volunteering before uni?

I did chuckle at ‘read classical literature’ at the ski chalet. Suspect it’ll be more schnapps and Snapchat.

They are obviously incredibly rich. If she’ll never have to make her own way in life, I suppose it would be a bit daft to force her to earn backpacking money in Asda for 6 months. Sounds like they want to make her a good marriage prospect for a thoroughly nice chap.

Do you think you might need a gap year OP? To take time out to reflect on why exactly you’re so jealous and judgemental of a 17 year old child, who’s not even your child?!

YABU because it’s none of your business really.

I'd feel jealous too 😉

It sounds bliss!!

You sound jealous!!

Where does it say in the manual that you have to save up and pay for it?
She may have had an inheritance or just has generous parents.
It sounds like a wonderful opportunity for her, OP you sound very jealous.

You sound a bit jealous and a bit judgey. Their description of her planned activities sound a little pretentious and annoying ( culture wellness self reflection loool)
shes 18 and off on a holiday before she has to do adulting, give her a break!

Sounds good to me!

DS worked in Whistler {Canada} and learned loads -helping build high end timber houses- but he spent downtime having fun.

New Zealand they also visited, but found it very expensive {no work visa for NZ} also extremely isolated- They drove all day in a hire car and didn't see a single soul on the roads.

You wouldn't get that in UK.

It does sound wonderfully fun and enjoyable so from that point of view there is a point to it - it’ll be a great fun time.

No, it won’t teach her anything about life. I do think she and her parents need to be realistic about that - it’s not putting finishing touches to anything, it’s just enjoyable. Enjoyable is fine but it’s good to see things as they are rather than trying to invent that it’s necessary/ a learning curve.

A learning curve would be to spend half the year earning the money to do something affordable for the second half. But if that’s not what she/ they want then that’s their choice!

Sounds fabulous, and much safer than back packing. Hope she is very clever or marries someone who can keep her in this lovely lifestyle or it's downhill from now.

I’m with you OP - I took a gap year after uni (which I personally also think works better), funded it all myself (including through an internship that got me a job to come back to), and spent 3 months in Paris learning French (living in a tiny 8 sq m “apartment”) but then spent six months backpacking and went to some genuinely difficult places to travel / get to on just a holiday and experienced a whole load of other amazing places instead. It was personally very fulfilling and amazing but often not “easy”. This sounds way way too easy to be something that will give her any new perspectives or life experience.

Wow this sounds bloody amazing! I'd love to do all of that. What amazing life experiences to have at such a young age.

"AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year."

Well...no, it does sound indulgent and pointless however you're not paying for it, so in the nicest way possible, what has it got to do with you and why are you so bothered by it?

Sounds like her parents are setting her up for the future with "buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!" and that's great that they're able to do that. I would have loved the same opportunity as a young adult.

Is there anything actually motivating your post other than pure jealously? Maybe you should ask for some recommendations for some sort of wellness retreat and you can work on yourself and be less bothered by the paths other people are on. At the end of the day OP, you're only in competition with yourself.

Sounds amazing and she is very lucky that she has parents who are rich enough so she can experience such a fabulous gap year.

Don kid yourself though, she won’t be reading the classics and doing cookery classes. She’ll be getting pissed, going clubbing and snogging Tarquin. She’ll have a fabulous 12 months.

And a late 30s one, please? 😂

Sounds great to me and definitely will be enriching for her. A good change from the hard work of A levels too.

You sound resentful. Why?

I mean, yeah, it's pretty self-indulgent and not really necessary, but it sounds amazing!!

You sound very jealous OP!

It sounds incredibly indulgent, but pointless? Possibly not. Wine tasting, skiing, being well travelled and cultured sounds like it will give her that classic Society vibe they're after to help her fit in with the very rich, which given they're New Money makes sense. It's basically finishing school for the 21st century.