To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

That sounds so pleasant.

I spent the summer after A level (sciences) voraciously reading as many classics as I could get my hands on - including Anna Karenina and W&P - but I was a working class kid who had to get them from the library. It doesn't seem that far fetched to me if she's a bookworm (None of my DC are and I still find that quite sad)

That gap year sounds amazing, would have loved to have had my girls do something like that instead of the backpacking.

@Lentilweaver

"Jealousy is normal. Starting threads about it isnt. DD has a health condition and she is envious of those with perfect health. But as adults do, she keeps that to herself."

I completely disagree

It would be wrong to treat the person you're jealous of negatively but why shouldn't anyone start a thread about feeling jealous? It's probably better than speaking to people in real life who may be conflicted cause they know the girl too. It maybe that Op doesn't have a totally uninvolved adult to talk it through with.

Also, I'm sorry your DD has a health condition but no I absolutely disagree that your daughter or anyone else should keep feelings like jealousy to themselves unless they specially want to.

Best to talk it through with a trusted third party like you would any other feeling. Keeping feelings to yourself as though they're shameful is not healthy

I get it OP, I live in a pretty wealthy area and almost everyone I know has more expensive lifestyles, holidays, days out, cars etc than me. Sometimes I am quite envious (and have a secret eyeroll at "how the other half live") but often it inspires me to plan stuff to make my own life more enjoyable

Am not sure what your problem with her reading is, I read both Anna Karenina and War and Peace, (and a heck of a lot of other classics) from around 13 onwards. Seems odd both that they are boasting about it, and even odder that you doubt it, perfectly possible to have read a classic at the age of 18.

DS, otherwise a fairly typical sport obsessed 16 year old, would love cookery courses, it may be very much her choice.

It seems to me that you have fixed idea of what a gap year should be and are unreasonably upset that she is not going backpacking. You must have realised by now that some families have more money than others, and can spend it as they wish.

OMG, it sounds amazing!

I hate to break it to you OP but this lucky young girl will probably have the time of her life and come out with a whole bunch of fantastic life skills. She'll probably end up doing very well in life.

It says more about you than her if you’re unsure whether an 18 year old could have read these…

You sound horribly jealous. I don’t blame you for that, I’d bloody love to spend a year doing exactly that but sadly can’t afford to. But you do need to stop being bitter. Nothing you’ve said suggests she’s a horrible person, and (having done the backpacking thing) I fail to see how staying in a nicer hotel would have made the experience less enriching…

I don't understand why the OP is getting so much flack. There is nothing wrong with what the parents are doing other than it appears they are giving their daughter an extended holiday rather a typical gap year experience.

I think you are being quite narrow in saying an 18 yo wouldn't enjoy cooking lessons/wine tasting/ literature/museums. One of my DDs loved all of those things at 18 and self funded an inter-railing holiday that incorporated a tour of First World War museums and ended up with a tour of French vineyards. Her sister loved literature, quite likes wine tastings but avoids cooking lessons and museums - sweeping generalisations about what any age group likes are inevitably inaccurate.

You are also being judgy and jealous about her parents preparing her for a corporate lifestyle. If that's her real world and the world she is going to continue to live in, that's what exactly she should be preparing for.

Only one of my children took a gap year. It wasn't 'typical' because she spent it working in M&S to save for uni. it wasn't what many people would think of as a gap year but it was still valuable experience. This girl's gap year experience will also be atypical but that's OK. It will set her up for what sounds like an atypical life. Lucky her

Do you want her to do nothing? Why wouldn't her parents spend their money on her? They want her to have the best life they can give her.

Sounds great. When I was at uni in Winchester I met a guy on a night out, he was part way through his ‘gap year’ of practicing his skateboarding, in Winchester (where he lived with his family). He wasn’t working to support himself, just spending his days sleeping and skateboarding. That was pointless!!

I don’t know why I’m find that so funny. Maybe ‘practising my skateboarding in Winchester’ is code for something…

I don’t really understand why you would question this? I read these in sixth form - Anna Karenina was one of my summer holiday reads by the pool 😂

What type of "gap year" do you think young people should be doing? A poverty safari where she would bless the children of developing countries with her 18 year old wisdom and physical prowess.

Her gap year affects you in absolutely no way. You do you, let others do them without judgement.

So how can you have such an issue with their “privilege” if they’re both self-made??

Aren't all gap years extended holidays, simply with a lower budget?

Although the thing that stands out about this story is that the parents seem to have timetabled the whole thing. Will the child ever break free from the gilded cage constructed for them by their parents?

Aah, the green-eyed monster. Classic

Such a weird attitude to a young person. Dd2s best friend is insanely beautiful from
a family of billionaires. Op would combust if she met her. Genuinely delightful girl.

That's the issue, I think. They are succesful and OP is not as succesful in her eyes. Though I think success is not just about money and holidays.

You seem to have strangely fixed ideas of what 18 year olds like. When I was 18 I definitely enjoyed wine tasting and fine dining. Was more than capable of reading some classic literature, too.

Does she have peers to travel with? I can imagine Greek Island hopping and New York wouldn't be great fun without peers to be with.

I know the classes are good i that you socislise with the other students. Some of them may be a lot older, but she will become more rounded, sicialising with all ages.

I would think a safe way of volunteering or working for a few months would provide a good experience and she would mix with other young people e.g. Camp America.

I did a gap year in South America (I was older though), plenty of 18 year olds on the wine tours in Argentina, and enjoyed trying new foods in Peru and other countries.
i also read lots of classics as a teenager, in my school that was the norm not the exception. And I grew up in a working class family and went to a normal state school.

Somehow your updates make you sound even worse-

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You also sound so petty, judgmental,bitter and unkind.

Ugh, I had read those by 18 and I'm not even a literature lover? Very common in Europe.