To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

Multi millionaires fund a year long holiday for their child.

That's really it, isn’t it?

A quite unsurprising way to spend your pots of money I would have thought.

Dressing it up as something else is complete nonsense, but other than that there's no outrage here?

Yep I’d be surprised if the daughter of two multi-millionaires went to a state school, but I’m also surprised that parents of a girl at Marlborough or wherever thinks it is worthy of comment that she’s read Anna Karenina, or that they are needing to curate her year out to keep her away from apparently “lowly” friends. Lots of this sounds normal for rich people, but other bits are a bit odd.

Sounds like a v rich girl gap year and nobody will take her seriously when she goes out into the real world and tells them about this. It won’t be a year for building resilience, learning about culture or meeting interesting people. Actually she might meet interesting people but they won’t have anything in common with her.

Sounds great to me.

I did a volunteering abroad trip in mine and tbh we were of zero use to the locals. I cringe about it now although it was good for me personally.

I also read Gone With the Wind and Jane Eyre before I was 16 so reading classical literature would have been lovely. Learning to cook certainly would have been valuable! As would speaking French and gaining ski qualifications if it enabled me to get future ski jobs.

Indulgent, yes. Amazing, also yes.

Jealousy is pretty pointless though.

What an amazing experience! Life is for living. Lucky girl.

p.s jealousy suits no-one OP

Amazing that there's so much detail about the ins and outs of the rest of their lives, and yet you didn't research what university she is supposed to be going to...

In a way this makes this whole thread even more insulting. The child who's business you're slapping on the internet is more your dh's friend than your own. You're risking this being identified and tarnishing not one of your longest friendships but your dh's. How does DH feel about this? DH's take on it sounds like he was trying to shut you up tbh so I'm guessing he'd be mortified.

Doesn’t sound like she will ever need to worry about going out into “the real world” if she has been handed a million quid aged 18, and has a job lined up for her in Daddy’s company.

Who is it with? PwC, EY, Deloitte, Deutsche Bank?

And how did she get it, given to her on a plate, because of her parents. That would break most protocols wouldn't it?

Who is her Dad?
Daddy's company?

What exactly a meaningful gap year would be in your eyes? Scrabbing toilets in orphanage in Guatemala?

Admit it, you’re just jealous!! You sound so bitter in your post.
What an amazing year she’ll have, I think it sounds much more useful than the usual clichéd backpacking!

Wealthy people have done this kind of year long holiday for hundreds of years. Google “the grand tour”.

It’s just because going abroad became more affordable for the masses over the past 40 years that by comparison this now seems extravagant.

Life doesn't need a point at 17.

I'd rather my daughter does that trip and gets the benefits of booking flights and activities for herself than what I did - taking a few rustic backpack trips and getting into dangerous situations.

Don't let your jealousy show. It's not good for your daughters to pick up on it.

You say you have a problem with privilege, and that her parents grew up "average" rather than ultra rich, so I presume they've worked for the money they have and have afforded their child a lifestyle they probably didn't have growing up?

This makes it sound like 100% jealousy! Why shouldn't they spend their own money on "enriching" their daughter's life how they see fit? We all do it, as parents, to a certain degree, within our means.
For some, that will mean swimming lessons, for others, buying them a car, and for others, paying for an amazing year of travel.

There's really no need to be jealous or bitter about it

Absolutely. You came home with a smattering of languages, a dose of the clap, and a lot of statuary for your Palladian mansion when Papa pegged it.

I reckon you’ve topped it with the most indulgent, pointless, unpleasant thread

Wow you are bitter! Why is it pointless - because it doesn’t meet a definition of a gap year that you have dreamed up? Why do you feel they need to justify how their daughter spends her time to you?

my goodness you have notions!

Get over it

Why on earth wouldn't she have? I had by that age as had most my friends. I know this will be a shock but a hell of a lot of teenagers at that age explore and investigate many forms of music, culture, art and literature.

My sixteen year old son is the same. They spend their school time reading texts interrogating them, why wouldn't they then go on to subjects that interest them or even more so to find out why it doesn't interest them.

It sounds like a very well thought out year. I would love my son to do something similar.

I would think she'll probably meet other young people from similar backgrounds, travelling under similar circumstances and they'll all have fun together.

Does this affect your life in any way whatsoever? Unlikely.

I get the impression you’re a bit jealous which isn’t a nice trait.

It sounds wonderful but it doesn't sound like a gap year. If she comes from a wealthy background, I don't see the issue but if doesn't I don't see the purpose of this trip.