To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

Envy is the thief of joy.

She is going to have an amazing year. My kids did much the same thing as you have outlined, but self funded so the cooking courses and ski bit was as a chalet host etc. The travel part they worked and saved up to go.
They came away with new friends, a shedload of memories and a view of life they couldn't have achieved with out it.
Rather than be critical, perhaps try and support your child if they want to do the same thing. It doesn't have to be funded by the bank of mum and dad.

If you're not paying for it then it's irrelevant what you think.
Live your own life.* *

You sound horribly judgemental and jealous. Not a good look @Killiam if you don’t like the family and what they stand for then don’t spend time with them.

Oh wow! I am literally Kermit green with envy, that sounds amazing! I hope she has a wonderful time.

Sounds like your average rich kid gap year TBH. She probably mature more working some of it, but loads of kids I went to uni with did a version of this… I hadn’t even known gap year was a thing!

I too think it sounds like a lovely year.
I think being an adult is hard enough these days.
Let them have their fun years.

Sounds amazing! So much learning and enriching experiences.

I would have thought she would benefit from them more after uni than after school.

You just sound jealous

Good luck to her - I would love to be able to give my DD that kind of gap year. Let’s hope her parents aren’t on MN though as this is so identifying, from entire trip itinerary to what book she’s just read. I’d be dropping you as a friend for posting such a scathing critique of me and my child.

I read those when I was teenager, are you so jealous of them that you think she is lying?

Gap years are self-indulgent! She’s lucky her parents can afford to let her do it in luxury, that’s all.

Same @crumpet,
Uylesses, Finnegan's Wake, Catcher in the Rye..
Now the most I read is on here! Although I'm not ashamed to say HUGELY jealous of the 17yo!!

They’re clearly a wealthy family. I’m sure plenty of young people would rather do that than work as a chalet maid to fit in a bit of skiing/ au pair in New York and squeeze in a bit of the city experience when they can but they don’t have the option.

It does sound like a long luxury holiday, but what's wrong with that? Holidays are good for people. It's not like the gap year is taxpayer funded or anything and it sounds like her parents have the money to afford it, so good for them/her.

I think it sounds great although all quite preplanned with an element of molly coddling. However it will definitely be enriching and foster some independence in a safe way. Lucky girl. Also at 18 I had a massive thing going on for Russian authors.

It’s not meant to be enjoyable is it? It’s finishing school to help her fit in with other rich people.

Though most parents would just send their kids to public school for that.

Aren't all gap years pointless and indulgent?

Why's it less indulgent if she's carrying a backpack?

I was the same, but it’s well documented that young adults today don’t have the reading stamina we did 20 years ago. Even Oxford English Lit undergrads. Maybe this girl does 🤷‍♀️.

"it’s a degree apprentice in the finance world".

How did she get that then? She was given it, because of her parents, without the tests and interviews? I don't believe you.

Finance degree apprenticeships are extremely competitive and sought after. One of the most prestigious things ever.

Wish my parents had been mean enough to force me to go to New York, Thailand and Italy 🤣

My 17-year-old was reading Anna Karenina and Russian literature. Not every teen is obsessed with social media.

That sounds like a lovely year for her and like her parents are trying to be supportive and divert her away from drugs (and potentially people in her life involved with them). Surely most of us would want to do the best we could for our children and this is them trying to do that.

Why is it odd for an 18 year old to have read War and Peace or Anna Karenina? Aren't they fairly standard books for an older child or teenager to pick up at some point?

Jealousy is never a good look, and says more about the person feeling it. Maybe think about why this is bothering you and look to address that. If it's a financial thing, try to remember that you don't need lots of money to raise a strong, independent, successful child - their finances are a resource that they're using here, but you also have resources and skills you can use. If it's that you think it's important to get in volunteering or work experience, that's something you can encourage for your own child.

After investing so much in their daughter of course these experiences are going to help her with networking, cultural chat & give her the basis for interesting conversation with like minded people!
I would love to be able to afford to give my dc an experience like that but we can't afford it. I we could I would in a heartbeat!
You sound very narrow minded if you cannot view the benefits of such a trip.

But we don’t know they haven’t. As a pp said, it’s a not untypical wealthy kid gap year. I knew lots of people at Oxford who’d done a variant on what the OP describes before going up, and who thought I was mildly exotic because I’d been working as a relief milker.

Regardless of money issues, I really would have thought that the trad backpacking type of gap year would be better at helping them to learn stand on their own feet, be resourceful, etc. And preferably with at least some time actually working at any job first.