To think this the most pointless, indulgent gap year possible

[Killiam]

Met with some old friends of DHs yesterday, we aren’t close anymore but we have daughters of the same age (17).
We asked what their daughter was planing for after A-levels and they told us she’s going on a gap year, thinking it would be a classic backpacking trip we asked where she would be going and this is what they described

• First Greek island hopping (for fun and independence)
• Then a wellness retreat in either Thailand or Indonesia (self reflection and stress management)
• Then December in New York (Engage with the culture such as visiting museums, enjoy city life (she already lives in London but okay?) and emerge herself in the Christmas spirit)
• January to March at the families ski chalet (take on courses to help with leadership skills, read classical literature and ski)
• Rest of the year in France/Italy/Spain (culture again, cooking classes and wine tasting)

They justified it by saying she has no interest in backpacking and they don’t believe that’s enriching anyway and they feel this is a balanced way to transition her from childhood to adulthood (plans a degree apprenticeship for the following year).
They think these experiences will give her the final touches she needs to be successful after putting a lot of effort into ensuring she is well rounded (sports, music, language, well read and well travelled etc.)

AIBU to think this is more indulgent, pointless, year long luxury holiday of a gap year. I don’t mind gap years in general but this will be entirely funded by her parents and I can’t see what exactly is going to make it so enriching. Of course she need not actually worry as they also mentioned buying her a flat worth over a million and how she will have a job in either of their businesses should she actually want it!

i hope she has a friend to travel with?

The backpacker trail through Asia is not enriching. Some people who go follow a different trail but the party hostels are not.

My favourite bit of this gap year is the Thai spa retreat. What about anyone else?

Sounds awesome!

My experience of a lot of kids doing a gap year is that they are too young. They tend to go from country to country staying with friends of their parents and being spoon fed through the whole experience. Much better to go after university when you have matured a bit. So with that in mind, I think your friend’s daughter’s plans sound great. Why not if they can afford it.

If she didn't think it was going to be fun for her she would organise a different one.

You just sound jealous of their finances, I’m sorry.

She probably isn’t an ‘average’ 18-year-old. I just feel rubbed up the wrong way by your comments here as… really, those books aren’t that challenging, at my school you’d have read them age 15-16. Do you think all teens want to have messy nights out with their mates, eat junk food and watch reality shows?

At 18 I would have loved all these things, that would have been my bucket list. And I would have had a big book with me every step of the way, and visited the cultural sights. I would have wanted to learn about local food and wine. You couldn’t have paid me to want to go back packing, I’m not sure what’s developmental about that, it seems unsafe and the drinking and drugs and ONS associated with it appealed to me zero.

She’ll meet like minded individuals, probably quite a good range of people of varied ages, not just teens, and have experiences her peers may need 10-15 years to reach. Lucky girl.

Why on Earth would you disbelieve that a 17 year old has read War and Peace and Anna Karenina? Some young people do enjoy reading books like that.

I think that a very large proportion of young people would choose to do what your friend's daughter has got planned for her gap year rather than backpacking round south east Asia, but most wouldn't be able to afford it. In what way do you think 18 year olds would have more enriching experiences as part of a usual backpacking trip than the lovely experiences your friend's daughter will have?

I'm not surprised that you're not close with these friends any more - you sound so jealous and bitter that I'm sure they must try to avoid you.!

Indeed. The most pointless volunteering that has ever existed. Maybe only topped by people visiting orphanages.

www.hopeandhomes.org/blog/orphanage-volunteering/

Why? Mine have both solo travelled without. And have met and teamed up with people they meet along the way. And ended up sharing a flat at uni with people they met travelling going to the same unis.

Sounds tremendous, I’m not in a position to do this (not remotely) but I probably would if I could and DC were interested!

Oh it’s ‘concern’ that she’s not being allowed to be a typical 18-year-old is it?

Maybe I wasn’t typical but I’d have loved all that at 18 — apart from the wellness retreat.

I would happily do it all. Maybe not the skiing.
but would love the rest, reading, culture, self reflection… what’s not to love 😂

@Killiam are you always this jealous?

Can’t believe you are so invested in this beyond a flippant comment to your DH about it. You know you can do all those trips right? And if a million pound flat is what you want then you can also get cracking to try and buy one? Genuinely embarrassed for you that you’ve posted this!

Wow. How very tiresome and judgey. Absolutely not any of your business at all.

It sounds lovely. I spent ten months of my gap year working in a supermarket and two months at my parents house in the south of France, got a lot of flak for not doing anything more interesting, from adults, and longer to go to India like my friends were, but I was recovering from anorexia and the agency said they were worried they couldn’t accommodate my needs if I relapsed.

also eighteen year olds often read a lot. I read far more at eighteen than now

Instead of an 18 year old paying three grand to Projects Abroad or whatever (money which goes straight into those companies' pockets and is not redistributed to the local community) that money could be used to train and employ local people to do conservation work for a living wage rather than struggling to survive.

It was reading these from age about 15/16. Lucky girl having parents who are proud of her, encourage and support her.

This reads of jealousy to me.

The fact is this is an affluent family who.are able to give a different type of gap year to what most of us would have experienced, a backpacking gap year.

If I had the money and wanted to keep my daughter safe, I wouldn't mind an itinerary like that. Well thought out and safe travel. If you and your husband don't have the means to provide this for your daughter, there is no reason to put down someone else's ideas. Why not just be pleased for the girl that she has the opportunity. So she has rich parents and might not struggle in life or getting a job. But that's life I'm afraid. Some of us are well off, some of us, not so. Perhaps being in contact with this family, might give your daughter opportunities? Maybe they can give her a few weeks work experience in the EU country and this can give your daughter some cultural experiences. She might even get a job offer?

In regards to reading classics, cooking and wine tasting, there's nothing wrong with that, even for an 18 year old. My local state six form college provides classics as an A level option.

Not everyone is as shallow as op. Loads of people read W&P & AK. Op sounds dismissive and belittling of 'yoof of today'. They can be all the things listed on this thread.

I was reading those books at that age. Went through many of the big classics.

now I spend my time scrolling on X, but I’ve done a hell of a lot of reading in my time

Definitely sounds like an amazing experience for her and much safer than backpacking, especially for a young woman.

If I can do this for my daughter when she's older then I absolutely will. Why wouldn't her parents want to give her the best experiences possible?

I’d also like to go please!

Her plans sound amazing. You sound jealous.

It does sound like she is very privileged, but that isn't a crime. And yes, she could have spent some of the year volunteering but maybe she didn't want to. A lot of gap year "volunteering" is pretty self indulgent in any case. I see no issue at all in a young person having a year that's all about their own personal development and enjoyment, if they're lucky enough to be able to afford it.

I also find your comments weird about kids of that age not wanting to read classic literature. I certainly did.

I do agree with a pp that the gap year plans sound a bit lonely though. Will she have company on any of the trips?

Absolutely, @crumpet. Also, am thinking of a name change to "SaltyButteredCrumpet".