AIBU to talk to my son and tell him the gift was meant just for him?

[BySassyUmberPeer]

My son and DIL have a lovely 2 year old little boy and a 6 month old little girl. I see them about once a week and my DIL is super sweet and absolutely adores my son and is a great mum to both my GC. I sometimes come around and spend time with my DIL and GC over tea. My son has been working hard lately and I wanted to give him a cheque just for him to say I am proud of him as my son and to go towards something special for just himself. Could be anything that he wanted but maybe couldn’t justify spending on himself, ya know? Maybe something for his car or what have you.

The cheque was for $600. Well I received a text later that evening from my DIL that said the following, “thank you so much Allison for the lovely cheque it was completely unnecessary however it is very much appreciated!! Dan and I have been exhausted lately and are looking forward to doing something special for ourselves. I have a spa day scheduled for 2 Saturdays from now I’m looking forward to and Dan is using it towards a guys night.” I feel deep down that my DIL couldn’t just let my son have this for himself she had to have some too because, “well if you get some cash for just yourself I should as well.”

I’m annoyed that a gift that was meant as a special gesture for just my son to recognize his hard work as a father is not all going just forwards him. Women are always taught to treat themselves and it’s ok to do something for themselves. Why is it not ok for men to have a little something for themselves once in a while?

AIBU if I talk to my son about how I meant the gift to be just for him?

When you give any gift including money , you have literally no say in what is done with it when you have handed it over. None.

I would 100% most definitely split his with my OH and treat both of us, and I know that he would too. What if this is exactly the way your son wants it to be spent? My OH would most definitely appreciate a night out with the boys to switch off from work and family life stresses waaaaaay more than he would appreciate something like a spa day. Maybe he said I'm taking X amount to go on a night out with the lads, you use Y amount to do something nice for you.....

But you’re still not getting that your son chose to spend some money on a lads night out and give his wife some money for a spa day. He chose to spend the money his way. You obviously don’t like his choice. But you can’t gift money to someone to treat them and then object to how they spend it. It quite literally defeats the object.

Update: So I couldn’t hold back and I reached out to my son and said that the gift was meant just for him and that I feel a little irritated that it was used partially for a spa day and he said to me, “mom when you said to spend it on myself I didn’t think you meant it in the literal sense of don’t share with your own wife the mother of my children and the woman I made vows to but rather not to use it towards necessities such as bills and what not.” My wife and I are a unit and we work together to raise our two children. why would you only want to treat me while ignoring everything my wife does. Does she not deserve to be treated as well.”

I explained to my son it’s not that I don’t want to treat my DIL. I normally treat them as a unit and get them both something but this time I wanted to do something for just him because he is my son and they may be a unit but that doesn’t mean he still isn’t an individual.

This thread is 27 pages long so I’m just talking into the ether, but it might help to think of it like, £200 from the money you gave has freed up £200 of their money, which has gone on the spa day. So essentially she’s thanking you for freeing up that money for them.

But also it just sounds like DS likes his wife and wanted to share, in appreciation of all she does. Be glad you raised a nice man.

I’m NOT A TROLL

IM NOT A TROLL I SWEAR IM NOT

I’ve just reported this thread. It’s just not real.

If I was your son at this stage I'd rip up the cheque and say "thanks but no thanks, we'll treat ourselves with our own money!"

As much as it's really nice you want to spoil him and recognise he's a great dad / provider I can guarantee she'll be doing more than him so will certainly deserve a 'treat '

its soexcited123!! I wonder if anyone recognizes that user name.

Any decent husband who receives a windfall comes home and asks his wife what they (both) should do with it. You wanted your son to act like a scumbag and just keep it for himself. Well, he didn't.

Something off here, so deleted.

Ring him back and say you've been feeling lightheaded all day and you think you're coming down with something and are babbling nonsense, so just ignore that whole conversation from earlier. That's the only possible escape from wrecking this now.

No she's not!

she wanted to treat her son to something, she doesn't have to treat the entire family if she doesn't want to.

My dh comes from a wealthy family and always shares his Christmas and birthday gift with me. He gets £250 and I get £30.

My family gives us both the same and I actually think it's pretty poor form to give vastly different amounts.

But it doesn't really matter because it's a gift so he can do what he likes with it.

We've never told them how we spend it because they would probably be annoyed. 🙄