To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

[Florence19791]

DD will be turning 16, she does have any friends but wants to invite some people from school (small class of 5) and from her dance class. We’ve had a look and one place (party boat) does 30 and we could invite the entire dance school and class and hopefully some will come or another place does 10 (trampolining) and we could invite class plus 5 dance friends but would be obvious if no one turns up. WWYD? Any other party ideas welcome. She’s young for her age but wants to fit in too

I wasn’t commenting on the party, just the blanket belief that trampoline parties are ‘too young’ for sophisticated 16-year-olds who are all out clubbing in town.

I’d agree with not making too big an event of any celebration if there is doubt about the number of people who would come.

If she doesn’t have friends a “party” will be awful. Try to make her birthday special in other ways - her favourite dinner - a day out of mini break - a fun activity with family. Maybe some of the dance class could be talked up into a pizza after the class but probably only if it’s low key.

Her danceclass has only 5 people

My DD is a similar age. Her friends have house parties for turning 15/16.

I’m surprised at the idea of a mum getting involved in organising this and contacting other 16 year olds parents? I would have been mortified if my mum had done this when I was this age. I don’t think it’s going to help her social status at all if her mum starts ringing round. I’m surprised people are suggesting this. I can understand that she might struggle with arrangements herself so if that is the case then a family party is the way to go.

Do you know any of the other mums in her dance class.

For dds 16th I knew a lot of the mums from dds dance class. We had always chatted whilst dc were in class. After dance class we all went for Pizza (mums and all) and then because we live in London and were in the West End we took in a show with very cheap tickets as it was so last minute.

Could you do something like that?

I think family only... by 16 it's kids' choice whether they want to go to a party or not and sadly most are not likely to choose to go to a party of someone they don't feel they know.

@Yalta

No. She says there are only five in her class.

DD will be turning 16, she does have any friends but wants to invite some people from school (small class of 5) and from her dance class.

From the OP: 'people from school (small class of 5) '

Cross posted with @hopeishere !

I think Halloween like trampolining was also a little young for her age group

FWIW friends ds struggled with school, struggled with making friends. She changed her ds’s school to a very small school and he started as a new boy in the September in the year below.
Suddenly he found he was with other boys who were more on his wavelength and maturity

Do you think this would help?

apologies realised I missed theand

I think the party boat and trampolining sound like both incredible options, for my daughter’s 16th we did a small gathering with a theme and a few fun activities to break the ice, and that worked really well,It seems like a great way to have some solid turn out, so why not invite both school as well as dance friends. your daughter will have the greatest time!

Personally I wouldn’t force the party/friends type stuff as she herself must know people aren’t going to turn up or if they do they aren’t real friends

I would do something special as a family. Meal out or Afternoon tea at a nice hotel and going to the theatre in your nearest city if there is something that she would like on

Oh bless her, and you, this is very hard. But like pps have said, inviting people who are unlikely to come makes this a stressful occasion. Instead can’t you plan things that she loves, with the people who love her, and really work on the friendship issue this year so that her 17/18 bdays may be different.

My closest friends (well 2 of them) were all out of town for my 16th birthday but didn't tell us until the day of the party. My mom and I took the cake she'd bought to the nursing home where my grandma lived to share with her. The people living there brought out balloons and cards and all sorts of things, and showed me photos of them as teenagers. I was on the verge of tears, but they made me feel so special, and the £100 of bills stuffed in my hands and the last minute cards and sweets softened the blow. I never found parties easy with other teens, and I only just remembered it. Stick with the people that love her best. That's enough.

Oh bless her 😢 this must be heartbreaking for you as her mum.
i would plan a special day for family and focus on helping her make new friends. A youth club, new hobby?

My daughters 16th was small, they all went for Pizza, then picked up by Limo and taken to the cinema, then picked up by Limousine again, for a drive around, with soft drinks and snacks provided in there. They had a fab time, something perfect for teens with a little added luxury.

Not being obtuse but how do you work on your child building friendships aged 16?

My DC has not made any friends at hobbies or outside school activities. The very few friends they've made has been at school, plus one loose friend through the children of my friends (that they see about twice a year). They struggle socially and no amount of "work" will change that.

Big hugs OP . This sounds tough for both you and DD. I agree with everyone else to do something low key focusing on family

I should of added it doesn't have to be huge, expensive etc, just a select few people to make memories with. Good luck.

House party with 10-12 guests is the best route

To answer a few questions. It’s my DD that desperately wants a party and I’ve tried to persuade her with doing something else like theatre or weekend away etc but she’s fixed on the party idea.
The party isn’t so much to make friends than it is for DD to have a nice time hence wondering if it’s better to invite 30 and 15 might turn up or invite 10 and no one might. But it seems like it’s better just to be firm with DD and say no.
Unfortunately we don’t have any family kids. It’s just her. No cousins or anything.

She does go to a specialist school but for anxiety not ND.
We did try to meet ‘her people’ I.e tried an ND group but it was very boy heavy and much more severe (apologies if that’s not the right term).

If some or all guests drop out it will upsetting in any context, but being at home might make it less embarrassing. Pizza, mocktails (and maybe one or two mildly alcoholic cocktails per guest), cake, movies and maybe a visiting beautician to paint their nails. I'd invite the largest number you can possibly fit into your home. They won't all come, and DD needn't take that personally - young people are flaky these days. Hopefully a few will turn up and it will be a nice occasion. Also you can order the pizza after the guests arise, and so reduce waste.

Does she definitely want to invite friends, or is it just because she feels she needs to celebrate her birthday? If the latter, why don’t you suggest just you and her doing something together, like take in a show/trip to London, or whichever big city is near to you? Have a spa day together, or some retail therapy?