To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

[Florence19791]

DD will be turning 16, she does have any friends but wants to invite some people from school (small class of 5) and from her dance class. We’ve had a look and one place (party boat) does 30 and we could invite the entire dance school and class and hopefully some will come or another place does 10 (trampolining) and we could invite class plus 5 dance friends but would be obvious if no one turns up. WWYD? Any other party ideas welcome. She’s young for her age but wants to fit in too

Do something really nice as a family. Don’t try this. I sympathise as my DD hasn’t had friends/social life either.

What about getting her booked in for a spa day or a morning/afternoon of treatments at a beauty salon, so she only needs 1-2 people to actually turn up and you can swap them out with immediate family if no one shows? A facial and a mani/pedi would be the way I'd go, depending on if she has sensory issues or not.

Coukd you send out a text to a couple friends/dance class people, ecplain you're organising a little birthday celebration and would they be free to commit on xyz date as you need to pay upfront so need numbers beforehand?- surely people wouldn't drop out if it was put like that?
I would swerve the party boat idea and go for something smaller.
Hope it turns out nice for her.

If she really doesn't have any friends, don't have any kind of party. That would be inviting disaster.

A 'family' afternoon tea on the nearest Sunday might be suitable - push the boat out with scones, fresh cream, tiny sandwiches, etc.

For her birthday, you and her, and maybe her dad, should go on a big expensive trip - theatre and meal? Shopping in London and hotel for a night?

Accept that she may not 'find her people' in terms of making friends until later, either at college or uni, or perhaps in her twenties once the awful teen years are over.

Tell her nobody does stuff for their 16th anymore and have a family gathering or just be a party pooper and say no, we're not doing it. Hard luck. I really would not want to risk that disappointment, bless her.

Howabout a karaoke party or a games night?

Or a Strictly come dancing party with a dance professional to teach salsa maybe?

I think in this situation where the daughter isn’t really friends with the invitees they’re likely just to say no up front rather than say yes just because mum has to pay upfront… it’ll be more likely they’ll decline than agree to come, and then the daughters left disappointed after being told she’s having a party.

Btw as a ND person myself I well remember the torment of the teenage years. It is very hard for ND girls to make friends, she needs to find her own circle of ‘misfits’. Are there ND clubs she could join? Games nights, that sort of thing.

I agree that a family do is probably the safest bet.

We are often in this situation with three autistic daughters. We have done a fancy afternoon tea with one friend, which was pretty successful. They tend not to want parties though. It’s really horrible to see your child so lonely, and we are particularly having difficulty with my 12 yo having no friends to the point she is not in school.

My local spas don't take bookings for under 18s so do check beforehand if thinking of this option.

As the mother of a teen, your heart is in the right place but I am afraid a babyish party will open her up to ridicule.

Stranding people on a boat is not a great idea to get buy-in.

I would go for a family party or a spa day or theatre with you or something similar for her birthday without inviting friends. Then encourage her to start inviting 1 or 2 people over for a movie or shopping or the cinema when it isn’t her birthday and there is less to “lose” . It’s pretty hurtful if no one wants to make the effort for your birthday but easier to shrug things off if people are “too busy” to go the cinema on a random Saturday.

I can only echo everyone else.

they’re 16 - they’re out of birthday party territory now.

You say she has got no friends - I am also assuming special school if there are only 5 people in her class - and I am assuming that those within her class are not without their own difficulties - therefore you’re setting her up to fail by trying to make this a big birthday party thing.

Go out for a family for posh afternoon tea. Go to the theatre? Make it special but do not make it contingent on anyone else.

Oh I’m sorry your Dd is going through this, it’s so hard when they have no friends.
I honestly would just wait until she finds her people rather than trying to force it. Are there any local groups for ND teens? My Dd got involved with a few around age 20 and seems to have found her people there.
Do a family party, but do invite a couple of people from dance/school if she wants to. That way it makes no difference if they duck out last minute again. There will still be a celebration and people around your Dd that love and care for her.

Go see a musical in London and go shopping for the birthday.

Then tell her she can have a pizza and cinema night when a popular new movie comes out.

This probably isn't the time to start facilitating friendships. I'd probably do something with family for her actual birthday and then try and arrange a cinema trip or something with a couple of the kids at a later date.

Poor thing. Is the reason she's in a school with only 5 people in her class because of ND?

I can't see how inviting people who have recently rejected going to an event of hers will help her in any way. It's going to end in disappointment.

Book a spa day with the two of you or a have a family celebration where she can also invite a few friends, but it doesn't matter if none of them turn up as it sounds like that's the most likely outcome.

If you make it into a party and no one turns up then that will be far more devastating and might be remembered forever. A family birthday party where most of the invitees were there will be a nice memory.

This post makes me feel really sad for your DD. I was undiagnosed autistic and also had no friends at school. Inviting lots of people and having no one turn up would be very traumatic for her. I would suggest keeping it low key and maybe family only. Keep reinforcing how cliquey and horrible it can be at school but it gets so much easier at college and university if she is likely to go to those. I really found my tribe at university. I hope she does too.

Keep reinforcing how cliquey and horrible it can be at school

she’s in a class with 5 people - you haven’t even got a fighting chance with that small a number. The chances of those 5 being your best friends are vanishingly small.

My ND teen boy has never had a party. We always do something special as a family that is something we wouldn't normally do.
A party is a lot of pressure.
For my neurotypical daughter this year I'm taking her away for a couple of nights just the two of us...meals of her choice, hanging out, maybe cinema etc... low key but 1:1 time. Maybe this kind of idea would be more suitable.

Agree with others who say a friend over for movie and pizza on a non-special occasion might be a better way to make friends.... Often these things are ad-hoc and less planned so be ready to just go with it when the time is right!

This. Its not going to end well with a party of random girls who may not even turn up. God love her. Make a fuss of her at home and if possible bring one or two to a spa thing or a meal. You need real social skill to blend two groups of teen girls at the best of times.

Try and go down the small intimate route such as a meal with a handful of friends or something.

When I was that age (10 years ago) parties had already evolved to house parties with alcohol, so a party that isn’t like that may not appeal to others of the same age and lead to non attendance which will be sad for your DD.

I was thinking this. There might be an unavoidable reason she's in such a small class.

The quickest way to get more friends seems like exposure to more people though on a day to day basis, like going to a school with 20-30 kids in a class.

I assume there is a reason this isn't possible or this would be the most sensible thing to do.