To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

[Florence19791]

DD will be turning 16, she does have any friends but wants to invite some people from school (small class of 5) and from her dance class. We’ve had a look and one place (party boat) does 30 and we could invite the entire dance school and class and hopefully some will come or another place does 10 (trampolining) and we could invite class plus 5 dance friends but would be obvious if no one turns up. WWYD? Any other party ideas welcome. She’s young for her age but wants to fit in too

Yes, please do this and don't plan something huge. She'll feel awful when no one shows.

How about Pizza Express or similar? ‘Grown up’ but child friendly? With just one or two people invited? Or just family dinner?

Rethink this please. Why plan a large social event when there are no friends to invite to it?!
A family party would be lovely. So would a trip for the two of you shopping or to watch a film. Presents and cake= perfect way to mark the occasion.

Perhaps one or two people to alton towers or thorpe park - trampolining for 16yo would not help her fit in. Or as others suggested a family dinner or party with cousins?

I’d offer to pay for her and 4 friends to go for a meal of their choosing. Or take her for a weekend away to Alton Towers or something just family.

I think so too.

My dd is 16. The sort of things she and her friends would do is the theme park, a meal out in a group or a house party. We haven’t had a party as dd doesn’t want one as she says houses get rather trashed and parties have booze... drunken behaviour, the odd person vomiting etc. Dd doesn’t drink but I picked a group of teens up last night and of the 5 of them, dd was the only sober one.

It sounds as though this is all pretty alien to your dd and as others have said, the trampoline party would be deemed too young and the boat is a no go. Your dd would feel like a stranger at her own party.

In your position, much as others have said, I would arrange something really special with family.

Is there something she has a particular interest in that you could make a weekend away to see or do? A trip to somewhere she wants to go?

If it were me I'd try to steer her towards a family celebration as parties are very high risk and the damage to her confidence if no one comes will be huge. There's been threads of late from confident adult women who's birthdays have been ruined by actual friends not showing up, so its a big risk. Try to help her build a social circle first. For what it's worth, my extremely popular DS has refused a party for everyone of his big birthdays (he's 20s now) because he's seen too many where people let the host down and says it's just too stressful.

I'm sorry but no friends, if the 3 Halloween invites cancelled, then the suggestion of 30, of babyish trampolining are both bad ideas.

Just do something as a family who genuinely care about her.
a trampoline party at 16 is nothing short of social suicide!

A family get together as PP has suggested and invite a few friends. Even if they don't turn up she'll hopefully have her family there with her x

Oh OP, please don't put your daughter through either of these options.

Take her out for the day (or even for a weekend) and let her do whatever she wants, just the two of you.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to invite anyone for her birthday, it will be horrid if she's let down on her special day. Arrange a fun family thing for her birthday and maybe try inviting a girl or two for movie nights occasionally. But I would think she'd be much better trying to initiate friendships first before inviting anyone back to her house, playdates might help a 6 year old but maybe not a 16 year old. I wouldn't think many 16 year old girls would want to go to the house of someone they don't already know or like.

Don't put her through the unsuccessful party drama. Realistically, if it wasn't possible to arrange an intimate event for Halloween, it's not going to be possible to pull off a big party boat event for her birthday - all that will happen is that she'll feel more upset and lose confidence. And things like trampolining aren't going to appeal to most mid-to-late teens other than ironically.

Instead, what about something family-focused if she has cousins or other relatives she'd like to spend time with, or something for just you and her? Maybe a mini-break around an interest of hers that could lead to ways to build confidence and make friends? What are her interests at the moment?

My dd is neurodivergent and doesn't have any friends, I wouldn't even begin to think about planning a proper party as I know she wouldn't have any friends to invite. The trampoline idea is a terrible idea as well, it's for younger kids really. Personally I'd go with a family meal, it's a safe option. She'll only end up feeling worse if you arrange a party that nobody turns up to. If she's going to make friends it will happen organically as she meets people more like minded, I don't think throwing a party in order to try and force the issue is the way to go.

I would really steer away from the party aspect (small or large) if she doesn’t have friends and people flake out, wanting a party and not having it is a lot less crushing then having a party and no one turns up. As others have said I’d embrace a really really fun family day or weekend out

As others have said...maybe a big party isn't the way to go. Does she have any special interests? You could have a small family thing and use the money you'd have paid for a party boat to sign her up for lessons or something that relates to those interests, where she's more likely to make friends. I like the idea of a family dinner out inviting some friends so that if the friends don't turn up, it doesn't feel so obvious. But only if she wants to invite them!

Just take her to do something special the two of you (any shows she’d like to see?) or a little party with the family.

Reading about the Halloween party breaks my heart - but pp’s are right in that usually they’d be organising their own stuff at this age, you can’t force it.

Are there any hobby groups she could join? My own dd is ND and has made friends through a few niche hobbies that she has (think warhammer/school band). She just needs to find her tribe OP - hope she has a lovely birthday xx

16ths i remember we had a lot of meals out for 16ths. We were also going to nightclubs by that age. Appreciate times have changed but you need to find something cool and grown up for her like a meal or escape room at night. Get her to invite 5 people. Then ask if you can check with their parents about logistics but really just make sure they are coming. Otherwise, one friend and a day trip could work. Im thinking it might also be good to get her to invite the friends back one by one in the lead up over for a few hours after school or dance for example. Is there a few people she likes and wants to start a friendship with. I woukdnt invite the whole class. They will fraction off into their friendship groups and leave her feeling crappy if you make it a big affair.

Trampoline party is for younger kids not 16 year olds. A party boat would be difficult if people didn't turn up, she'd feel terrible. As people bailed on Halloween assume the same for her party unfortunately. It's sad.

I don’t think her birthday celebration is the time to try and make friends, if no one shows up it will just upset her and give her a birthday to remember for all the wrong reasons. Is there one or two friends that you could invite and perhaps go see a movie and a bite to eat?

Work on helping her to make friends away from her birthday.

Lots don't have a party at this age. Sounds like you maybe better just sticking to family and have a meal out/ go bowling etc. what does she want to do?

They are a bit beyond he trampolining parties stage.

OP you do need to wise up here - if she doesn’t have friends you can’t do either of these things. 16 year olds want to hang out with their mates - you will have a bunch of no shows and make her feel much much worse.

I’d suggest to her that she holds off a party till she’s 18, think of a nice treat she could do with you/family for this one, and then work with her on how to develop relationships. If this isn’t your strength area, get her some support at college or from books / websites / specialist organisations

A lot of teenagers don’t go in for parties as they are quite stressful to organise. One of mine only ever wants a family meal at their favourite restaurant even though they do have friends. A lot of their friends just to a family thing as well, so so don’t feel pressured into have a party. Work on things like joining clubs with like minded people.