To think no one will come to 16 yo bday party

[Florence19791]

DD will be turning 16, she does have any friends but wants to invite some people from school (small class of 5) and from her dance class. We’ve had a look and one place (party boat) does 30 and we could invite the entire dance school and class and hopefully some will come or another place does 10 (trampolining) and we could invite class plus 5 dance friends but would be obvious if no one turns up. WWYD? Any other party ideas welcome. She’s young for her age but wants to fit in too

I would agree don't risk no one coming at 16
Choose something she'd really love instead: weekend away somewhere, a theme park, see a show in London, go for a spa day together whatever is special for her. One of mine is crazy over animals and wanted a keeper for the day type experience with wolves. I offered them the choice and they preferred an experience to a party.

I would also say it is perfectly normal not to have a birthday party for 16th and not to feel bad at all. 18th is more when there is pressure to have a party with friends

This is truly awful. A trampoline party a the age of 16, or a party boat for 30 organised by the mum.

OP you mean so so well, but you need to stop this madness. Celebrate with family.

if it was Halloween itself when they didn't come then maybe they got a better offer (not polite, but obviously a busy night). Hopefully they would come for a birthday party but I agree, keep it small

If she likes dancing maybe you and her could go to a dance show ? Or you could buy her a private dance lesson as a treat ? Do something that doesn’t rely on other people and tell her that you’ll do something with friends for her 18th. By then she might be in a different situation and have met some people

So why on earth do you think 30 will show up? And honestly how many 16yo do you think want to go trampoline?

Atleast at a small event at your house she is home already

I am just thinking, does she actually like these people. In a class of 5 there might not be anyone she likes or has a similar personality to. In dance, most of the time is spent in actual dance not making friends. Also unlikely there will be anyine she likes. I went to dance for 10 years and had no friends from dance. She probably needs another interest which is a more sociable type of activity. It doesnt sound like shes the clubbing, party type of person, so needs to be something else. For example sewing club, scouts, climbing, pottery. If she is wanting more friends and hasnt already found anyone she gels with in her current activities then I would encourage her to try something new. Some people are old souls and hate all the social crap that comes with being in tge in crowd. But there are plenty of things out there that are sociable and fun to meet people.

Definitely stick with family, and think about how to help her make friends as a separate issue. Maybe she could invite some girls from dance to go to the theatre or to a concert? But not as a birthday activity.

OP I fear that if she invites people to a trampoline party she’ll be the butt of jokes. It won’t work.

That’s not enough info but don’t do a party - no, no, no.
Do something special/ grown up type as a family or just 2 of you (depending on the circumstances) e.g meal and theatre or weekend away or spa visit.
again it’s difficult to advice specifically as not enough info but I hope you’ve got the idea.

Ha ha, my 16-year-old DD and her friends love a good trampoline party.

There's no point in inviting people that she's not friends with. That doesn't sound like much fun for her.

My DD and her friends went out for a meal at Bills. I paid.

It's on neutral territory, everyone can leave when they want, it's not at your house, you get to choose your own food, there's a bit of a buzz in the restaurant, it's time limited. It's easy, no fuss. You can bring a cake if you ask the restaurant maybe?

it felt quite grown up and fun. My DD had a lovely time. Limit it to just 6 or less.

Yes there are lots of people who do young and old and I presume decide as group?

Do you really think inviting people you are not friends with at 16 to a trampoline party is a great idea?

What happens on the party boat? I wouldn’t choose trampolining, I don’t think a bunch of 16 year olds would want to go trampolining.

I would say bowling, cinema, waterpark etc would be better. Invite extra incase people drop out. If there only ends up being a few of them all of these activities would be fine.

Gosh I feel for her and you- very hard not to have a peer group.

I would do something as a family and focus on that.

We took my 16 year old DD out for an afternoon of shopping and a meal. She didn't have any friends either. She started college in September and now has 6 or 7 friends so it doesn't mean your DD will never have friends.
But I'd either do a meal out or a family party at home but reassure her that 16 parties aren't common anyway.

Her entire secondary class only has 5 people? I grew up in super rural North Yorkshire but it was significantly more that that- where are you located?

@AD1509 I assumed it was either a very small private school or a special school

I'm sorry your DD is struggling with friendships - that's hard for her & tough for you as parents.

As others have said I'd do a family party or meal.

Maybe take birthday cake to her dance class to share as a mini celebration after a class but low key. Perhaps you check check with her dance teacher if that's ok?

I've not quite understood her school situation but if there are only 5 in her class could you invite all of them to something - bowling & pizza or cinema?

Or there are some places that do indoor crazy golf or darts. Something fun but not totally reliant on just chatting.

Our cinema is really nice & does good food so feels a special treat. Maybe DD could invite a friend or the 5 classmates for a movie & food & back to yours for cake. They'll have something to talk about having seen a movie etc...

If she has no friends then she can't have a party

I agree not trampolining. Cinema/bowling/dance class would work. I'd invite around 5 . Avoid the three who dropped out before.

Or include cousins if she has any of a similar age.

If she doesn't have any friends, I would work on that before you start inviting anyone to parties. This year, keep it family only. Work on her building friendships in small steps, and then hopefully by her next birthday she'll be able to invite people.

Could you do something smaller that can be scaled up? Does she like bowling? This works with just family, but you can add a few friends if they are free/ get a second lane? You want an activity that is still a celebration but it does not matter if other people can make it or not.

Big hugs to you all