To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

[purplebeansprouts]

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

We have usually arrived about noon, started eating about 1.00, dossed about gossiping till 4.00.

My mates would invariably leaving after midnight…

Seems a bit abrupt to leave straight after food?

So they are in town visiting but not staying with you? I think leaving at 4 is reasonable.

I would have laughed and said "Well that's just as well as you actually weren't included in the pot!"

My ILs do this - they stay for hours and hours. DH gets more annoyed than I do.

Now we tend to meet them out at restaurants and say we have plans at a specific time after.

I think it’s rude to leave less any than an hour after you’ve eaten if you’ve been invited to lunch, unless you have communicated the time you need to leave and you have a good reason. Leaving two hours after lunch has finished is a good time. Any longer you’re outstaying your welcome.

If someone was outstaying their welcome I think I’d just excuse myself and say sorry I need to get dinner ready/ homework or bath time with the children/ go and clean up the kitchen or something so it’s clear the socialising is done and it’s time for them to go. They can carry on sitting on our sofa on their own if they want while we go about our business around them but I expect most people would take the hint and leave.

Meet at the pub next time!

Lunch, walk, or the other way around, and you can go home to peace 😻

Also I think there’s a huge difference between ILs and mates so if you’d have made that clear in your original post you may have got different answers.

Mates I’d have round for hours!

I start by only inviting people over if I enjoy their company (family don't automatically get this invite out of obligation). I would expect lunch guests to leave before prep starts for dinner generally, but as meals when hosting tend to be grander and longer than usual, dinner would be much later than normal or just be a light snack/leftovers. If we were all still merrily chatting away blind to the time when dinner time came around, I would invite guests to stay for the light dinner too. I love cooking for, eating with and socialising with the people I care enough about to invite over. If anything, the time always seems to go too quickly.

I would consider both inviting guests round for just 1 course (unless it was for a specific reason eg quick bite before setting out together for a gig) or guests leaving soon after eating very rude. The latter would leave me believing we had somehow upset our guests. DH's culture sees this as very rude too and would heavily criticise the guests for 'nyam an go wey'. Being married into his family would definitely not suit your timings OP - a 'lunch' with them sees the first guests arriving around 1pm, 3 courses spread over around 4 hours and everyone leaving around 11/11.30pm...

I’d feel so rude leaving at 2pm! But I’d also feel rude serving one course as you have. If I invite people for lunch I expect them to leave 5 to 7pm. If they left at 2pm or 3pm I’d think they had had a rubbish time.

Posts like these make me so glad I don't have friends or family like this.

Sorry about that I guess it thought etiquette would be the same

If this is for Sunday lunch I’d say arrive 1pm for 2pm lunch, we’d eat some chips and dips and have a few glasses of something while finishing off cooking, then we’d eat leisurely until 4pm then hang out drinking until 6/7pm.

How often do you see them. Dud they stay with you or elsewhere

What friends or family that pick holes in everything you do all day?

Hotel. Once every 2 months

Edited to clarify the once every two months below

Hotel. We see them once every 2 months. Twice a year we go to theirs.

Yes. Doesn’t sound good. 🙄

What’s the situation @purplebeansprouts have they come to stay for the weekend, but not actually staying with you?

Presumably they want to see as much of you as possible whilst they are down?

Yes but surely it's quality over quantity

I’d expect Sunday lunch to last at least 3 hours including a drink beforehand and coffee afterwards.
If I feel that guests are overstaying their welcome I usually say ‘Would you like a cup of tea before you get on the road?’

So you see them 6 times a year and 4 of those times they pay for a hotel. I think its a bit churlish to complain really

I would find it t weird if someone arrived for lunch before 12:30 to be honest, but I’d also find it strange if they left by 1:30/2🤣 if someone arrived at 11 then they are there for breakfast/brunch so 2 is an acceptable time to leave. Lunch to me would be 1-4ish

While inviting themselves (as you have drip fed) is rude, you have been shockingly rude as well.

I guess it’s just as well you’ve ended up with them - they aren’t imposing on a DIL who treats them politely and you aren’t making it clear to decent in-laws that you are a rude and grudging host.

If I was invited to family or friends for ‘lunch’, I would assume that meant arrive after breakfast (11 at the latest) and leave about 4.30 / 5.00, i.e. before dinner prep. I would think it shockingly rude to treat a friend / relative like a restaurant - show up, eat, then leave without any socialising before or after.