To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Honestly, I don’t get how you have ended up here.

For transparency dp isn’t being left anything when I die. But he has always known that and we don’t share children. And it’s also why I won’t ever live with him.

But for 14 years you have lived in a relationship where you don’t have joint finances. He has made it clear he isn’t interested in joint finances. He isn’t building finances with you. He is building his own.

You have lived this last 14 years, thinking this was fine and going along with it. Why if it’s not what you wanted? Sounds like he has been really clear about his expectations of the relationship and finances.

I realise it’s too late to go back. But it can be a lesson for other people who float along leaving themselves in a position that will eventually end up in their own financial problems.

You can ask him to leave you the house. You can ask for him to make sure you can stay in the house. There’s no legal right to it.

If I were you. And this wasn’t the life I wanted, I would be using that deposit money, to go buy my own place and live in it.

But as the op is 50 that could be another 40 years before the house is sold and money goes to the kids who would be 50 then?

Basically he is concerned about money not going to his kids but a new husband you may have.

But there must be some compromise before leaving -a 3 way split of assets? House in trust for you until they are all 21 (or 3-5 years post death if kids older when he dies) then sold and split 3 ways? (Or even you get lump sum of £50k and them 50/50)

If he won't consider your needs at all and wants you out on the street when he dies then you may as well leave.

Yes this is normal practice.

Sorry I meant with BTL mortgages but not interest only.

This is ridiculous and no way to conduct an adult relationship. I'm astonished you have children but haven't yet come to an agreement about major financial matters.
See a solicitor now, preferably together so he can hear everything too.

If you cut your spouse out of your will they have a very strong claim. The court would grant them broadly what they would have got on a divorce.

Ask him what happens if your kids divorce?spouse could get 50 percent if your at the helm so to speak you can control this and control as and when the kids inherit home.

Great example of why women shouldn't to part time or take time off for kids when unmarried.

Can't believe that kids are shared children. Thought maybe you met recently and he wants to leave his inheritance to his kids from another marriage

He sounds extremely selfish, but sadly sounds like he was been like this for 20+ years

Men like this fundamentally do not see you as equal

Why on Earth are you with him? I mean he’s coming across like a complete cunt.

I get what you’re all saying about his proposed will for the kids too. However this house is probably worth £400k and there’s about that in savings and investments that’s without cash in his bank, so I hope that will be okay.
At this point, I know this is bad but I’m slightly more concerned about making sure I’m provided for in some way rather than making sure the kids who definitely will be provided for are done so 100% equally, but it is a conversation to have.

If he passes away whilst the children are minors - your son gets the house, your daughter gets the money. Who pays the bills as presumably you'd still live there whilst they finished growing up?

I wouldn't rely on contesting a will.
Very costly, takes ages and absolutely no guarantee of getting anything.

You need to look into setting yourself up financially in the event of his death.
Look into your options of investing, saving or getting a BTL.
If he's not going to look after you then you have to look after yourself. Personally I couldn't have respect for my partner if he was like this.

Start banking as much money as you can.
You need it.
Refuse to pay any more than you do because you need to save for a house of your own.
Make no apology for it.
He sounds like a horrible mean man.
Are you happy?
Because in your place there is no way I would be wiping his old arse.
I would be making my plans to dump him and move on.
If it takes a year, so what.
Start Planning.
I wouldn't give him the soot of discussing the house.
I would let him off and bank as much money as you can and leave him to it.

I expect he is worried she will get a new partner, possibly get married, leave the children nothing. They both need legal advice asap.

Also why does the son get the house and the daughter the money ?

Why not 50/50 to the children with you getting a life tenancy in the house. That would be the best way to ensure everyone is taken care of.

Yes that’s true and certainly not to be relied on but it’s part of ops leverage if he knows she could contest the will it might prompt him to do it properly to avoid costs down the line

Can't believe no-one is mentioning his pension. If he's not leaving that you either you will have no income apart from state pension and what you manage to save.

Do you earn enough to buy a flat and pay off a mortgage before retirement? You're 50 so it's not much time.

She isn't a spouse. That is the problem.

He is also leaving you without funds while the children are minors. It is completely outrageous. I think it is a leaving situation really. I would save like crazy and then buy your own place to rent out or even to live in.

Except it wouldn’t be him losing money. It would be their children.

Doesn’t sound like he is daft enough to believe she will take money off her kids.

Let’s say he pops his cloths on Wednesday after making the will and the children inherit. How does he see that working? Who’s going to run the house/affairs when they belong to the kids? How are they to access funds to live - IE with their mother and be fed and looked after?

Great when they are adults, not so much as children.

He may live another 20/30 years, he may not:

You know where you stand, and you can see what type of man he is and what he thinks of you.

If you don't want to move out (with or without the kids), then you have to stay in the relationship, knowing what you know, and start thinking about your financial future.
You can't force him to leave anything for you, or provide you with any security.
All you can do is start saving and investing like mad for yourself.

Go full time, then job switch every 2-3 years to get promotions and pay rises.
If you are doing more than half the housework etc., stop that right now and focus on your career.

What share? They're not married

I may be wrong, but from what I understand you would have a right to contest that will as a long term cohabiting partner.
I am aware of this because my BILs father passed away leaving his estate to his children, the will was legitimately contested by the father's live in girlfriend who was awarded a slightly bigger share than each of the children.. additionally when attending my own will appointment with solicitors this week I was advised that were I ever to cohabit after my husband died at a future date, a new partner could make a claim on my home, regardless of if everything was left to my children. I'm not sure of the details but I believe you may well be entitled either way so perhaps he needs this pointing out, maybe try to find the full info and present it to him. It's so silly to create stress in pepole when someone dies, so unnecessary.

OP, can you explain to him that in his proposed set up, his children will have to pay 40% inheritance tax on anything above £500k.

If you were married, you have a joint £1 mill allowance. (As property is being left to kids).

There's benefits to being married for HIM as well as you.