To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

Yeah, that would be it for me. You need to leave him. At least then you might receive appropriate child maintenance as you sort out your own accommodation. You have been provider of progeny/domestic appliance. Now you know for sure you need to get away. 💐

Not a solicitor but I think you may be able to challenge the will because you're financially dependent on him.

https://www.girlings.com/latest/contesting-a-will-cohabiting-couples-your-rights-under-the-inheritance-act

Has actually done a legal will? Signed and witnessed? Have you seen it?
Does he have any other family?
I wouldn't trust him an inch tbh.

How awful, I can't bear to imagine how sad I would feel 14 years in, and with having created a family together, that my partner wouldn't see me as a part of the family in this way. I'm so sorry op.

It’s almost certain any pension and life insurance is set to our kids, but I don’t know. He treats me like I’m grabby, If I even ask about this kind of thing.

the house is all his owned outright.

did you sacrifice more (eg not working or working part time at any point) to bring up your children ? Do you contribute towards the house ? (Eg bills or maintenance). If so you can point out that morally it’s unfair of him to consider his house solely his anyway. Of course on paper it is, as you aren’t married, but practically it’s likely he’s done very well financially out of being with you

If i were you, I would buy a small flat or house and rent it out so that when he dies, you will have somewhere to move to. Perhaps now is a good time to re-evaluate your relationship. He obviously doesn't place you in high regard.

He’s doing it on Tuesday

Your children are still young, if he has a heart attack tomorrow what does he imagine will happen, what an idiot he is. I think you need to get really angry about this.

he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

its a shame it has taken 14 years for you to realise it.

Yes absolutely he can leave his stuff to whomever he chooses, and as you've found out after 14 years, you aren't part of his decision-making process, so that says an awful lot about how he views your relationship. Probably, in fact highly likely why he doesn't want to get married.

there are children involved so of course he will want to make provision for them, but you're just not important enough to him to bother caring about once he dies. Take the red flag seriously and plan your life accordingly.

If I’m really honest I’ve always felt like a bolt-on. The fact we lived in his home, and he didn’t want to get married, it’s always made me feel like I wasn’t a permanent fixture anyway.

no point regretting what you should have thought about a decade and a half ago, but I'd start to make your exit plan ....

There is little point splitting up but I think I would start by putting as much into an isa year on year and get him to pay the lions share of the household finances

How has you managed to sleepwalk into this situation?

Not married
Kids
Not on house deeds

Please tell me you work full time in a job that pays enough to support you independently?

>> he wants to give boy the house and the girl some money? that is an incredibly bad plan for a will. who is to say that the values are the same? the kids are highly likely to end up arguing and it will be unfair to someone.

the will should divide things equally between the kids and if he doesn't want to leave anything to you, he should at least be making provision for you and the kids to have somewhere to live until they are adult (life insurance?)

you should save as much as you can in ISA / LISA / any other saving account. Ideally a tracker stocks-and-shares ISA, not cash.

don't bother with buying a property, just build a nest egg of your own so you are able to buy if / when you need to.

I would be really careful about buying a house you are not going to live in. The govt since 2016 have been attacking landlords now for years and you will just never make anything, more likely lose. I would suggest you look to invest in an ISA investment fund. Do your research and there are plenty with good long term record of decent returns. You will also avoid being clobbered with capital gains tax.

But frankly think about your relationship as it sounds you are very separate. He could of course leave it to the kids with a proviso. Him continue living there

Saw clients in exactly this scenario last week set up a trust so she could use and enjoy his house for the rest of her life / until she goes into a care home then on her death the house passes to his Dd. That’s what normal decent unmarried people do.

Am I within my rights to push for this?

Leave. This tells you all you need to know about how he feels about you.

OP from what you say about the small size of the deposit in your area. I’m guessing that the house is worth under £150k and his total estate is under £325k?

The will would work for the kids. The house is worth as much as the money being left so she’ll have enough to buy a similar house with her part should she want to.

I suppose it depends what happens to you and your home you live in if he dies ? Surely it should be left to you if he goes first and then left to the kids in your will ??

Wow. I could sort of understand his view if his children weren't yours, so he owned the property outright and had his children before you met, and he reacted to safeguard their future, given you met later in life, but you are the mother of his children!! So you'd be out on your ear if your son decides to sell? Which would be perfectly reasonable, as an adult he'll not want to keep living with his mother and would need to sell to buy his own property.
You say his sister gets the money are these amounts even equitable?

That’s rubbish.

Sorry cross post about the value

That’s what I suggested. I would be happy to do my will infront of him to that effect.

Fuck me what a prince he sounds!! 😳 I have no idea how you managed to get yourself into this situation OP but whatever

for all legal intents and purposes you are a single woman. You need to talk to a solicitor about what if any options you have and you need to start saving like mad to get your own house away from him

and the next time someone starts the weekly “what’s the point in marriage?” thread I’ll point them to this one