To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

He is also being a total idiot for inheritance tax purposes. He's voluntarily incurring IHT of c. £120k on his assets rather than marrying op. Ideally they should marry, use all the tax advantages and state that the Op has a lifetime interest in the property which is then split between the children.

14 years together and 2 children and he treats you like this? I'd be leaving and buying your own place OP.

It has been made very clear from the start they are not married, that’s the problem.

Really sad you’ve been treated like this @YourRealBiscuit

In that scenario marriage wouldn't benefit him, it would only benefit his children.

So you've had 14 years rent free?

It's fine not being married if you have alternate ways to set up the legal arrangements, although the tax benefits of being married can never be compensated for. Basically marry him or make arrangements to be independent. Anything else is madness.

They aren't married, and she has no share of the house.

i guess im surprised to hear that you all genuinely feel this is a leaving situation, I’ve been made to feel like it’s not my right to anything anyway.

hes nice enough in the day to day sense, but this latest thing with his will really has blindsided me, I guess I’ve been realising about getting older more now than I did in my late 30s etc

We've lived together in my home for 25 yrs, no shared children but each have 2 adult ones. He's hopeless with money, holes in his pockets and too many dodgy deals for me to have ever been tempted to share finances. He contributes a modest sum weekly but is generous when he has more - no savings, dodgy credit etc, etc.

My will leaves him £40k and the rest to my children and he'll have the right to live in our home for 6 months to give him time to sort himself out (prob take that long for probate and to market the property anyway). He's fine with this arrangement and thinks it's a generous amount, we've talked it through together and with my children. All happy. But....you're not happy with your OH's plan which is the difference between our set ups so you have to take control of your future and what it will look like - I wouldn't buy a property tbh but would save and invest as much as I could to give me a decent financial cushion if he predeceases you. Unless a couple is married I think it's unreasonable to expect a home for life tbh.

The fact he didn’t want to get married was a sign 14 years ago he could do this. At the end of the day, you’re just boyfriend and girlfriend.

It’s a bit off he’s leaving the house to your son and the daughter cash assets. He sounds old fashioned and sexist. By the time he dies, the house could double in price, the cash won’t.

Yes I don’t pay rent and never have. There’s no mortgage to contribute to.

I hope you haven’t been doing his laundry, cooking him dinners, doing more than 50% of all the housework etc. If you have, stop immediately and invoice him for all the years you have provided this service. As for taking a massive pay cut to go part time in order to look after your joint children invoice him for his fair share of child care. Unless he went part time and lost income in order to equally take care of the children.

Hopefully, that will get through his misogynistic views.

He is ignorant as well as cruel. I am sorry OP. Can you go with him when he goes to make this will?

But they're not married.

He’s 60, and you’ve been together 14 years, what was his circumstance’s before, married? Children? I sort of get what he’s trying to do but then I’m a child of a widowed father (who’s now passed) who went on to marry again, SM 15 years younger than DF, 15 years older than me, DF will is in a trust which will get divided out when SM passes. It slightly irks me, that my mother who passed young, financially comfortable in her own right, has all her assets tied up in a trust because they were left to DF and that SM, who bought nothing to the financial pot when she met DF is now living a financially comfortable life, doesn’t have to work, and didn’t from the day she met DF. Fortunately I’m financially comfortable enough to not let this bother me, and happy there is a proviso in the Trust that I can pass my share directly to my DC, which is what I intend to do. Because of my situation I love my DH dearly but I want both of us to leave our share of our house to our DC, my pension pot, I’m still working, is currently left to our DC. Our joint savings will obviously go to DH. He does need to make financial provision for you but I get he’s looking after his assets and wants his DC to benefit.

But actually he is the one being grabby, isn’t he. He has had years of free childcare, got to sabotage your earnings, whilst still getting to claim victimhood.

You have had the clearest possible message that you are financially paddling your own canoe, so I would definitely take the hint and work on that basis.

I would also try to raise the topic hypothetically with other people. Get him to hear what others think. The fact he can justify this to himself, but will have no discussion about the fact he is happy to financially fuck over the person he says he lives and the mother of his children tells you everything you need to know about his character. Especially when he won’t discuss it, but likes having access to her resources of time and childcare.

Please say you have some pension from working before the DC's?

You really need to prioritise yourself financially as retirement isn't that far off. Save now as much as you can. You need housing security. Either he provided a life time interest in the house for you or he helps funds a deposit or you have to do it solo.

My guess is he using finances as control. Your ability to get up and leave is restricted because he has amassed 800k whilst you have 6k.

I really hope other women in this situation wake up to what their future if they are not married or don't have financial planning.

Does he has life insurance and you as beneficiary?

We have testamentary freedom in English law so he can leave his assets where he wants. My father was worried my mother (they were married) might not leave his half to us children so as their house was in joint names he severed the joint tenancy so he could leave his half to us (although he ended up dying second anyway which none of us expected). So I can understand the father in this case of an unmarried couple who don't even own a home in joint names which presumably was entirely funded by the other partner wanting his children to have it.

I would not rely on litigation after he dies under The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. However I just checked to see if live in lovers, rather than just a spouse can use it and I think they can to get some share. This is part of a law firm's summary of the Act

"The Inheritance Act allows only certain categories of people to make a claim for “reasonable financial provision” from the estate of the deceased.
These categories of people include:

1. The spouse or civil partner of the deceased;
2. Former spouses or civil partners who have not remarried or formed a new civil partnership;
3. Children of the deceased, including adopted children and children who were treated as a child of the family; and
4. Individuals who were financially dependent on the deceased, such as cohabitees, or individuals who were maintained by the deceased prior to their death

In order therefore to make a claim under the Inheritance Act, the person or persons claiming must first show that;

1. The deceased died domiciled in England and Wales;
2. They are within one of the categories of people entitled to make a claim; and
3. The deceased’s will (or the intestacy rules if applicable) result in a situation whereby they will not receive reasonable financial provision from their estate."

May be consider insuring the other partner's life with you benefit and you earn the money to pay the premium etc perhaps although he is getting a bit older so that could be expensive. Most long standing couples with children would put the house in joint names but there is no legal obligation to do that.
I think the partner here should change his will to leave everything equally to his children and to give his partner a right to stay in the house for say 5 years to give her a chance to earn money to rent elsewhere etc. However it is possible he wants the children to have assets due to inheritance tax issues - my own IHT limit is £325k and it looks like in the case here house worth £400k and investments £400k and even if the IHT tax free band is £500k in this case as includes a house etc that leaves £300k+ plus being taxed at 40% by the state and if instead it is taxed once inherited by the partner and then taxed again when she leaves it to the children that is double IHT - he may just be doing fairly standard methods of reducing IHT and the state getting its filthy mitts on his hard earned money.

I'm imagining he doesn't realise the IHT implications, the entire country is obsessed with reducing their IHT, hence the recent loophole closures of pensions and ag land.

No one would prefer the govt to benefit over their kids!

I can see his point I haven't married again because I want everything to go to my son.
But then I don't have a partner and if I did I'd expect him to have his own house and I'd be honest from the start.
And what about your joint children?
I would either expect him to help you buy your own rental property for the future or did leave.
I wouldn't be allowing him to let you live in limbo like this.

So if you don’t want to leave and you don’t pay rent and very few living expenses you need to set yourself up financially.

Provide for yourself in the event of his death

Nice enough? In what way? Does he do 50% of housework, parenting etc does he show you he loves you? Does he treat you with care and compassion?

He doesn't care what happens to you Op so now you know that make your own plans. At your age you can't afford to wait and see what happens next. All he has to do is give you right to live in the house until you die, if he won't do that then I think your relationship is pretty much over

That could backfire. He could invoice her for backdated rent, of which she has paid £0.

Why the fuck do women have children before marriage or a civil partnership? This is the reason who some cultures really encourage marriage before children because the woman always gets ripped off.

Why would he want to commit legally now as you've already given him kids, housework & sex on tap.