To be annoyed I’m not in partners will????

[YourRealBiscuit]

Backstory
we’ve been together almost 14 years. We’ve got children. Not married. His house we have lived in. He’s 60 I’m 50.

Am I being unreasonable that I’m annoyed now he’s doing his will his intention is to leave everything to the kids?
We have a decade age gap and I can’t help wondering what would happen to me of he died before me?
he sees it as his stuff so he leaves to who he wants to but I think it’s a huge red flag coupled with the fact obviously he’s not popped the question too

feels to me like he doesn’t really see us as an US?

what do you think?

I don’t think you can, bit a decent solicitor will guide him through different senario s, like him dying prior to the children being adults, or what will happen if he needs a care home later in life, or if one of the children dies (I know but it’s possible)
He’s not thought of the full picture.

Olease tell us you aren’t paying rent or decorating his home.

Am I within my rights to push for this?

You can push for whatever you want but you have no rights here. You're not married and live in a house that's not yours. He could decide to kick you out tomorrow if he wanted and you'd have no legal standing.

It's not your home. It's his.

You genuinely could end up homeless due to him not considering you. Leave and set up your own home, this man does not respect you.

But it's not her home - it's his and he just allows her to live there.

What happens if all his cash is used up on his care? What happens if his care uses up all his cash and the house equity?

No, to be quite frank that’s the one sensible thing I did when I first thought I wasn’t 100% welcome was to pay very little towards things. Then the kids came and I worked part time so it wasn’t feasible.
now I’m finally fully back to proper work I haven’t started contributing to much at all

How much do you contribute to household expenses OP? Please don’t tell me you pay him rent.

She would have a claim on his estate though. He is supporting her by letting her live in the house and he has not reasonably provided for her in his will. So even if
he has done this it leaves a mess behind as op will incur legal costs enforcing her claim.

You're an adult. Why are you living in someone else's property without the protection of marriage?

@coffeesaveslives yes but that doesn't mean he can't leave it to her in his will to ensure she is looked after if he dies first ?

You would have a very reasonable case to detest the will!

He's treating you like a nanny. This isn't a relationship where he cares about what is best for you at all.

I don't think it is fair to the children either. The cash might be spent first if he needs to go into a care home leaving his daughter with nothing. The fairest option is to leave all assets to be divided equally between them but ideally with a lifetime interest for you in the property until you either move out or have a new partner.

The whole way it's set up seems unbalanced, the house is more likely to increase in value than the cash over the same period, if he adds a clause in saying OP can live there until she dies the son will get his inheritance decades possibly after his sister gets her cash. Surely if that's what he wants to do he leaves everything to the children fifty fifty and you get a lifetime tenancy on the house

I’d expect to be married, I wouldn’t expect to be in the will and have to pay inheritance tax.

@YourRealBiscuit he can leave the house to the kids with a life interest for you that says you can live there until death, or until you have a new partner.

Getting married won't help though. He could still will everything to the kids? Or is there a rule that you can't disinherit your spouse?

You’re right, OP can detest the will with a passion!

No, but she also can't make him - it's his house to do whatever he likes with is my point.

So many women seem to sleepwalk into these situations - it's scary.

This is far from certain. His savings etc. might be entirely used up with care fees leaving your daughter with nothing.

You have no legal right to request for lifetime tenancy in his house. He can leave his house to charities after his death if he wanted to. There maybe ways around this, say, if you can prove he supported you financially but you'd need to speak with a Solicitor and get proper legal advice.

He is ten years older than you but thinks chances are you will die first? Of course he doesn't that's silly
Have you asken him to leave the house to the children but give you the right to live in the house until you die or need to go into a home? That prevents it ending up in the hands of another man if you were to marry after his death which is presumably his concern

You’re all so right. I really did sleepwalk into this but I’m made to feel like I’m being really grabby and mercenary any time I bring it up. There’s a look on his face as if to say “ah here’s the real reason she’s with me”. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t even be bringing it Up

Bear in mind that while none of us know exactly what's down the line, you are substantially younger than him and could spend a good chunk of your later years as a carer for him, possibly stopping you building up funds/pension of your own.

I'm full time carer for my husband but everything we have belongs to us both (and he bought more to the marriage in material terms) I'm not sure I would be making that sacrifice for someone so uncaring of my security and welfare as your partner seems to be, especially after 2 children and years together.

Could he use his cash to buy two BTL properties (assuming he’s got about £120k?) with residential (not interest only) mortgages. Then write a will that leaves them to the kids, and the house to OP. Ideally they’d be properties that the kids could live in themselves one day. Or maybe he doesn’t have enough money for this?