To walk away immediately from this

[Consoprize]

I met a man through a mutual group of friends. Let’s call him Chad . We’ve been seeing each other a few months, although nothing serious yet.

Chad and I are supposed to go on a trip at the end of november to see a concert. I have the tickets and hotel booking and he hasn’t paid his share yet.

Our mutual friends are throwing an engagement party in December. We were both invited. The engaged couple know we’ve been seeing each other. It’s not a secret.

An old flame of Chad’s is also going to the party. She is flying in from overseas. I know he hasn’t seen her since she left the U.K but they were casually dating before she left.

I jokingly asked Chad if I needed to be concerned that he’d be with her at the party, rather than me.

Chad said he actually wasn’t sure…but feels it might be best to agree that he and I aren’t “together” at the party itself as he “doesn’t want to be in a difficult situation”.

I have told Chad that that didn’t work for me, that I’m keeping the concert tickets and to not contact me ever again.

Chad wants to talk about it some more. Chad thinks he should be allowed more time to think it through. He feels I’m being pushy and giving him an ultimatum.

I’ve told Chad to shove it up his arse and the very fact he even has to think about it, tells me everything I need to know about how he perceives me. He thinks that’s unfair of me before we’ve even talked about it.

I don’t think IABU here, surely?

He's a CF isn't he! Good on you for putting your foot down immediately. By what I see on here, so many people would be analysing it and pandering to it even when the red flags are smothering them!

Oh heavens above! This is the worst advice I have ever read!

let men treat you like crap - they might have a good reason for it😂😂😂😂

The sad thing is, as a few on this thread have shown, there will always be women out there who have very low standards and who can explain away even the most insulting behaviors.

I don't see that as being treated like crap. I'm at a party to mingle, not showcase my relationship. I would be surprised if I spend 50% of the time by his side, I'm chatting and dancing and things.

What did you expect from a Chad anyway? 😅

Chad the Cad 😭

I'm just wondering why you gave him the name Chad. Gobshite would have been more apt 😂

OP you are brilliant! I aspire to set boundaries like this. You’ve absolutely made the right call. Well done

Excellent response, OP! Assert yourself and leave Chad hanging.

‘Just a girl he’s been shagging’ isn’t that what you are as well?

But yeah, chuck him if you don’t like the situation

I think I would rather be single forever than go within 100m of this idiot.

@ThatWarmJadeSeal

But Chad has said he might spend most of his evening with someone he used to sleep with, and doesn’t want to acknowledge he is dating OP. Chad wants to keep his options open.

OP has been seeing Chad for a few months and they have plans together (which Chad hasn’t paid his half of).

all signs point to Chad not wanting a relationship with OP. He’s just not that into her.

Take a male friend to the party.
See how he likes it.

I do hope the ex from abroad brings a partner and Chad ends up looking like an even bigger dick.

Yes I'm impressed too, the amount of women that put up with any old shit from blokes because of their low self esteem is astounding.....go OP!

And he explicitly outlined these rules?

You are fabulous
You have clear boundaries & aren't afraid to put them in place & stick to them.

He, is showing his true colours & they're not good ones.
If he starts making trouble in your mutual friends group I hope you'll be open about why you split io with him

I think it all seems way too intense. The formal introductions. The wanting to detail how time will be spent together. I remember meeting a woman at a party who literally held onto her partner's shirt tail as he tried to talk to other guests. I've just never been that type. I'm likely to point vaguely across the room to my partner who is talking with other people at a social event. Just always been secure in myself that way.

A woman who knows her worth. Well done, OP!

I think we have taken different things from this.

you have done the but I’m a cool girl I can be independent at a party and talk to other people - this woman needs to be stuck to her man I case he glanced at another girl.

i have taken it that Chad wants to be able to tell people he isn’t in a relationship with OP because he might want to rekindle his relationship with this old flame. Which is great he is being honest. But then he is turning on OP by saying she is pressuring him. I would walk away because I have self esteem and would be in any sort of relationship with man who wanted to pretend he ain’t seeing me in case it reduces his chances of veto g it on with his ex.

its not about being stuck together at the party, its about self worth.

So someone in an identical position to you then. Funny that.

Bullet well dodged. He obviously has hopes of rekindling things with his old flame. Or he wouldn’t mind her knowing you are an item.

Twat - you are completely right with your instincts.

I still don't get the fact that 'exclusivity' exists at all. I would finish with anyone who felt it needed to be discussed... and who cares if that made me single. It would filter a whole section of the population who (I feel it's not unreasonable to assume) are perpetually looking to level up their chosen partner.

If a relationship is casual that's a different thing - you make that clear from the start and it's not a question of anyone finally deciding you are worthy. If you thought a relationship had potential to be a long-term thing and then it doesn't work out, you end it quickly. It's not hard.

Yes, good for you, OP.

That would be brilliant. Chad, you fool.