When you see me doing this I'm really ..

[VictorianMother]

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home.

I'm sure I'm tricking no one 😆

When I'm taking my time washing or drying my hands in a public loo, I'm really waiting for someone to come in the main door so I can hook my foot or elbow on the door to exit so I don't have to touch the handle.

When I'm on a phone call in my garden it's because I don't want to speak to my neighbour who monopolises the conversation and will talk for an hour about her dog. I'm not on a call but talking to myself. Sometimes i laugh whilst on "the call".

My husband thinks I've lost it.

I have a few more....

Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?

When I was a kid and I got up in the night I would always flush the toilet so potential burglars would know there was someone awake who might hear them (never occurred that I would more likely wake my actual family up!)

I like the walking backwards in snow trick! How do you program your phone to ring!?

@Ohnobackagain

not spelt 'Hayporth'

🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

If I'm early for something (I'm always early), I walk around the block very slowly then pretend to get a text. This means I get to stop in my tracks, read the text, adopt a suitable facial expression and/or arm gesture and walk back the way I came purposefully, thereby arriving at my destination on time, without having to just stop and turn abruptly mid-meander.

Because that would be weird.

I interview myself on car journeys. Like I’m famous for something and I’m on a talk show.
Honestly, if people knew what went on in my head on a daily basis, I’d be sent to some sort of asylum. I think I just have odd ways of getting through life!

That reminded me of this poem:

I tell my mother
I've won the Nobel Prize

Again? she says. Which
discipline this time?

It's a little game
we play: I pretend

I'm somebody, she
pretends she isn't dead.

I am you! I do that toilet thing too, hoping to be ‘saved’ from touching the handle. 😂I’ll think of you next time!

Ah so it’s you !

I thank my car pretty much everytime I get home AND tell it when I next intend to take her out 'see you in the morning to take Z to school'. 'Dont forget we're off to Aunty Sallys later'. Then when I park at 'Aunty Sallys' a tough guide to how long I'll be.

im cracked I know 🤪

Love the idea of thanking our cars. I'm going to do that as well🤗

Ben racking my brains all morning to remember something like this, and it's just come to me. Many years ago, when my job involved daily commuting to central London, I hated the feeling of being hemmed in on the long and crowded underground escalators. So I always used to let a couple of steps go before stepping on (fraction of a second, not long enough to cause a pile up!) then when the next person inevitably stepped on immediately behind me, I'd move up a step and enjoy the extra modicum of breathing space. It occasionally went wrong when a "left-hand-side overtaker" sidestepped into one of the empty spaces to take a breather, but usually worked a treat and I still do it when approaching a crowded escalator.

No. Wouldnt even cross my mind to do such a thing. Do you?

We all have a little bit of a devil in us.

So find a harmless outlet or get therapy.

I'm actually a very kind person.

I don't do it everyday. Haven't done it in years.

You wouldn't even notice. It's just a little squeeze.

You’ll be caught out by the crisp packet bursting open with a pop one day.

I don't ruin them. It's a little squeeze. There's many a time the items I've bought are ruined, from being damaged in transit, I guess.

"snapped, poked and squashed" were the terms you used.
Sounds like you were spoiling the items. At the very least making them not as nice to whoever buys them.

I hope so. Maybe she'll be caught on camera.

Whilst not condoning the mishandling & roughing up of the products I don’t think we need the mob and flames to seize @Itiswhysofew
Maybe house arrest with a side order of you is being observed will suffice

As I said, I don't ruin them.

No, as I don't squeeze hard.

Blimey, talk about hyperbole!
If someone posts something like this, they can surely expect some judgement and criticism. It's really not a nice thing to do, and the responses have hardly been "flaming" at the hands of a "mob".