When you see me doing this I'm really ..

[VictorianMother]

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home.

I'm sure I'm tricking no one 😆

When I'm taking my time washing or drying my hands in a public loo, I'm really waiting for someone to come in the main door so I can hook my foot or elbow on the door to exit so I don't have to touch the handle.

When I'm on a phone call in my garden it's because I don't want to speak to my neighbour who monopolises the conversation and will talk for an hour about her dog. I'm not on a call but talking to myself. Sometimes i laugh whilst on "the call".

My husband thinks I've lost it.

I have a few more....

Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?

It is very odd & maybe it'll help you control yourself to think about someone opening the biscuits or crisps to find crumbs and not the whole things they expected when they bought them and were looking forward to eating or buying for guests coming.

@HeddaGarbled

hayporth??😂😂😂😂

You mean daft apeth?

I only buy fresh bread early in the morning before the bread growers are out!!

If in a cab or Uber alone I’ll make a pretend call saying I’m on enroute and see you soon

Yep I would do similar things. Always do a fake call from a taxi when i lived alone ‘Hiya, just in the taxi, be home in two mins’.

When at university when walking home late at night I would wave at the house, as if someone waved at me first. Used to always get men walking behind me and wanted them to see someone was expecting me.

If I get a taxi to the airport when I go on holiday with my family I start chatting to my DH about a make believe house sitter who’ll be feeding the cat and watering the plants.

On the school run, I wait until all the traffic has died down until about 9.05pm then start the engine as it’s chaos around the school roads. I pretend to be on the phone.

My daughter did this to an angel cake a few months back in sainsbo's she's a bit phycho though.

We would get along well.

I wonder who buys the squashed cakes.

Messing up food just because?! 😧At least OP's examples are harmless.

The thought of touching my sleeve on the handle is worse than using my hand, tbh. I carry sanitiser gel with me so can always clean my hands again once I'm out, but if I 'contaminate' my sleeve, it will feel dirty all day. Yuck.

I have/had a weird habit of pretending to browse items in the shop while waiting for people to finally move away from whatever I want. If there's room, I have no problem getting in and out quickly to take what I need from the shelf, but sometimes I want to have a good look, and I don't like it when people notice and go to move, apologise, etc. I'd rather just put on a show of being fascinated by the selection of pickle until they move along of their own accord. Of course, this was years ago, before I started doing click and collect. It's much less of an issue now.

I think the waving at someone as you leave / fake house sitter are sensible.

All the rest sound exhausting.

The people who squash crisps in the supermarket have lost the plot and need help.

I just remembered another one.

When I'm overindulging and buy two chocolates (unbroken) I say to no one in particular but if there's other people about, 'this is the one Steve likes, I'll get it'. I don't know any Steves. I'm just greedy.

Yes! I do this too! I often wonder if the person knows what I'm doing so takes extra time just to annoy me.

Is there a name for this behaviour? Aside from daft

Yes I sometimes do the fake phone call when I’m in a taxi. I also wave bye to a pretend person when we’re getting a taxi to the airport.

I tidy up in the supermarket if I see something in the wrong place by putting in my trolley then back in its rightful spot.

I just try to use a bit of the handle which is too awkward to be comfortable to reach so hardly anyone touches it, if there is a handle.

Sometimes I tell myself I am going to bed and then I find myself still on MN answering the most bizarre threads at 2:30 in the morning

I have wondered before what would happen if two of us with this habit meet. Each of us pretending to look at something while secretly hoping the other will move away from the item we're actually shopping for... How long would it take before someone breaks?

😆😆

@Moveoverdarlin
On the school run, I wait until all the traffic has died down until about 9.05pm then start the engine as it’s chaos around the school roads. I pretend to be on the phone.

Why not just, y'know, be on your phone?

Monologues to justify buying snacks, is a lot of work
I am more brazen, all glassy eyed stare and a full basket of carbs and msg

I honestly believe this has happened to me before. I eventually said oh, sorry, can I just and she moved back to where I was pretend browsing. So we were both pretend browsing in the spaces we separately wanted to get to.

D a f t

Humanicas Fuckupicas (urban type)

😆😆😆😆 I was going to say this too!!

HAYPORTH! I love it 😻

@Itiswhysofew sorry but this is terrible behaviour. I understand as a kid but wow. Deliberately destroying things that don't belong to you. All that waste that now can't be sold.
Not funny.

WTF is a hayporth?

I do the pretend browsing at the shops too, particularly if a member of staff is restocking blocking where I want to be. I assumed everyone did it😂
Oh and with the loo grab a bit of the hand drying paper and use that to open the door.