When you see me doing this I'm really ..

[VictorianMother]

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home.

I'm sure I'm tricking no one 😆

When I'm taking my time washing or drying my hands in a public loo, I'm really waiting for someone to come in the main door so I can hook my foot or elbow on the door to exit so I don't have to touch the handle.

When I'm on a phone call in my garden it's because I don't want to speak to my neighbour who monopolises the conversation and will talk for an hour about her dog. I'm not on a call but talking to myself. Sometimes i laugh whilst on "the call".

My husband thinks I've lost it.

I have a few more....

Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?

I also agree. I was quite surprised they admitted that in a "haha aren't I daft?" way when it's actually really mean spirited.

They either ruin a treat for someone else or the stock has to be binned which is senseless waste. Fucking stop it.

When I used to order massive takeaways for myself I would get a can of Diet Coke and a can of normal coke, to look like it was for two people 🤣
Or when I used to midweek drink I’d rotate the shops I bought my wine, so the shop staff didn’t see me drinking almost every night.
Now a lot healthier thankfully!

Since I was a child, I've snapped chocolate bars, poked cakes, squashed packets of biscuits & crisps in supermarkets. I don't do it regularly, but when the urge happens, I just can't stop myself. It's like a compulsion

This is very interesting. I thought I was alone with this habit. I cannot decide whether it is a sensory seeking behaviour or related to an eating disorder that I used to have. Just out of interest, did you have an ED at any time?

OP actually asked “Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?” I don’t understand how the hilarious squashing of biscuits etc fits in to this.

Pretty sure most dog walkers I see in the field, pretend to text so they don’t see their off lead dog having a shit.

Given that only admitted to targeting “treat” styles of food rather than, say, a rib eye steak or fresh veg, I wondered whether these were items she was denied as a child and somehow felt, “well, if I can’t have them, no-one can.” And somehow, this petty, destructive (criminal) behaviour has continued into middle age.

Am just trying to understand the psychology of it, not defend the behaviour. I agree with everyone else that it’s pathetic, and to see someone use giggly emojis throughout to describe their actions is 🙄.

I have the urge as well. But when you're a "normal" human being you think about others as well and you restrain yourself. The opposite Nike slogan should run in your head; " Just don't do it"

I exaggeratedly pat my pockets as though I’ve forgotten something

You just don't hear the voices that answer you.

I am picturing a 1WW army captn, a neanderthal, a trouserless 1980s MP, a slightly singed medieval peasant, an Edwardian lady a 17th century woman in a satin dress, a scout master with an arrow through his neck, a Tudor aristocrat with his head under his arm, an 18th century very minor poet, and a group of peasant plague victims.

Everytime we're in a taxi and heading to the airport, so we're going to be away for a few days at least, I say loudly to my husband "oh I forgot to say to Max he can finish off the chicken in the fridge, I'll have to text him later and tell him".

Just so the taxi driver knows there's someone else living in our house so don't bother breaking in while we're away!

Max is our cat, my husband thinks I'm nuts but it makes me feel better and we haven't been broken into by a taxi driver yet so it works!! 😂😂

When I was younger, if I really needed to wrench my underwear out of my arse crack in a public place, I would do a little skip and sing-song , in order to divert the attention of anyone who may have been looking in my direction 😆

When my old window cleaners were here I would sit on the stairs - 4 steps down from the top - it is the only place in the house where you are guaranteed to be unseen from all windows.

I would see him coming down the street, grab the £20 from my purse to pay him, wait for the noise of the latch on the gate, then get into position. I would sit there for however long he and his guys would take to clean, then when the doorbell rang for payment I would wait another minute and saunter to the door slowly as if I’d been really busy and totally unaware he was even there despite the fact they were the noisiest group of men clattering their ladders and shouting at each other at top voice. I just felt completely creeped out by people being at my windows while I was in the room.

We ditched him a few months ago (because not only were they noisy, but there were actually also crap at cleaning windows), and have a new guy who uses telescopic poles so I can have the whole upstairs to myself while he’s here - it’s bliss!

*edited for typo

Isn’t the sleeve then contaminated? Your hands can easily be cleaned again, but the top is harbouring the germs until goes in the washing machine

I am well aware of the phrase “daft ha’porth”, having been called it by my grandparents for decades. But it’s a daft “ha’porth”, as in halfpenny, not an “apeth”.

@chrispineismybff
I have some questions! I've no idea who Chris Pine is so how it it come to be him? Did you have other imagery supporters in the past or did he just 'appear' by your side one day? Did you consciously choose his creation or did he just move in?

I think this is by far the most brilliant creation ever.

@chrispineismybff I love this! Brilliant if it helps through the struggles of parenting young children. And Chris is right, you're doing a great job 😃

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home

You could get one of those cardboard policemen they have in Home Bargains for the window. Give you someone to wave at.

Thank you for understanding. I don't really know why it's Chris Pine. I just started imagining it on a car journey once while the kids were screaming in the back and it went from there. I vaguely recollect reading an interview with him at some point. I feel like he's the right mix of cool, friendly and positive (in my imagination of course but hopefully in real life too).

And he is a reminder that there is a big wide world out there apart from my little domestic goldfish bowl.

I'm glad I am not alone! Maybe I will look into Jeremy Irons or Alan Alda for Chris's holiday cover.

I agree I think this is really mean. Some poor person is spending money on the trashed food! What kind of sociopath would think this is ok?!

@Zone2NorthLondon @marmamumma @AutumnLeaves24 @NeckolasCage comes from ‘daft halfpenny’s worth’ as in ‘you aren’t even worth a full penny’

@MrTwatchester

It's just a further shortening of the original phrase:

www.oed.com/dictionary/apeth_n

Iv definitely done the fake call thing. Also sometimes when I'm alone and order a takeaway and its delivered I fake call my family down so the delivery driver doesn't think I'm a fat pig 🤣🤣

It's a very posh apeth (gonna have to Google what an apeth actually is!)

I often forget where I've parked my car in the supermarket car park so in order to not look like that to other people I pretend I'm talking to someone on the phone & they're telling me where they're parked & I'm trying to find them (while desperately scanning the car park to find where the hell I left my car!)

And that would make them look even more 🤣

It's no struggle, I often say bye, see you later, love you, Mummy's going now, be a good girl, have a lovely day, ok one more cuddle etc to my cat.

Takes me 5 extra minutes to leave the house 🤣