When you see me doing this I'm really ..

[VictorianMother]

I live on a busy road. When I leave my home I wave at the front window to make it look like I'm saying bye to someone but there's no one home. I think I'm trying to deter possibly burglars from thinking no one is home.

I'm sure I'm tricking no one 😆

When I'm taking my time washing or drying my hands in a public loo, I'm really waiting for someone to come in the main door so I can hook my foot or elbow on the door to exit so I don't have to touch the handle.

When I'm on a phone call in my garden it's because I don't want to speak to my neighbour who monopolises the conversation and will talk for an hour about her dog. I'm not on a call but talking to myself. Sometimes i laugh whilst on "the call".

My husband thinks I've lost it.

I have a few more....

Are there things you do that you're covering for other things?

It can get obsessional for someone, part of their routine.You might think it’s ridiculous nonsense, however, if it’s not affecting you, it’s not really your concern.

That is shithead behaviour.

Most of the rubbish posted on MN is none of our concern. However OP asked if others have these strange foibles and those of us who don't have any have as much right to answer as those who do. Obsessional behaviour is really not normal btw.

When I leave the flat, I often blow kisses at the window ,,, to my pet parrots. The struggle is real.

I don’t think it’s fair or helpful to call someone a ‘horrible human’ for behaving like this. They might be a wonderfully kind person in many ways but for whatever reason have a compulsion that they find very difficult to control. We have no knowledge of what this poster is really like and what prompted these behaviours when they were a child. I’d be concerned rather than critical.

Sorry, my post was meant to quote this.

Do you slap dummies out of the mouths of passing babies in prams?
Do you stand on random dogs’ tails?
Do you set fire to things?

Nobody does. They are thrown in the bin as damaged stock. The person who said they do this upthread must be a bit sick in the head if they think it's funny or clever to destroy food so it has to be thrown away and written off by the store owner.

and come on here and boast about it.

Give me strength, it's the #bekind brigade back again!

The old 'I will do what I want because I can blame any excuse I can come up with'

Hayporth? Apeth, surely.

Have just googled both.

Am shook.

I lie about stupid stuff. Very strict religious upbringing so always had an excuse.

The other day we were running late to an appt so my DH phoned to explain. I said he should say that we had to pick up our son to take him to the doctors and that was why we were late. He looked at me like I was insane and just told them we would be 5 minutes late and they didn't care.

When chatting with patients they often ask where I live and it's a small town so I don't really want to disclose that information (because they inevitably ask about my kids schools and due to the nature of the service thats information i wont be sharing) but I don't want to ruin the rapport so I say a totally different area and get into all sorts of discussions about my imaginary life in that area.

We always call out “see you later” when we leave the house and it’s empty😁

Wow! I have got the same urge but I control myself because I think of the poor family buying the cake finding it all squashed. Just keep your hands next to your body and touch nothing until you are sure to take it. I haven't done this since I was a teen but the urge is still there, you just need to control it.

Surely it’s actually Ha’porth?

My hobby friends and I had the use of a holiday cottage owned by friends which I adored. When we arrived I used to say “hello house” and “bye bye house” when we left. I was sad when it was sold. I don’t do this at home. (Might start though).

when unknown numbers ring us I say the message we have on our answer phone and add a beeeeep. 99.9% of the time they hang up, on the odd occasion it’s someone we need to speak to who starts to leave a message I own up to my odd behaviour.

And Ha’penny pronounced hayp nee

I've name changed because I know I am weird admitting this.

I work full time with a long commute and have two young children. Like many people I find my life quite stressful at times.

To cope, in these moments I pretend that Chris Pine is my best friend. In my head he is invisible and sitting or walking next to me. He makes supportive comments to me as I go about the daily rigmarole of looking after the kids, commuting, working late. "You smashed it babe", "you are a great mom" and that kind of thing. All the shit that you want to hear but no one says to you.

It's not a relationship of attraction. I don't fancy him. I just think he is someone that doesn't take life too seriously and would be good at giving moral support.

So when people seem me dealing with a toddler meltdown or a delayed train or whatever, I'm imagining Chris Pine looking sympathetic on the sidelines and it helps me keep calm and carry on.

I do have a husband by the way but he is also busy, tired and stressed and can't offer me the unwavering positive support that imaginary Chris Pine does.

Important detail... He always looks like his real self when doing this rather than movie star short back & sides etc. He is also often snacking.

Sometimes I put the 'next customer' bar on the supermarket conveyor belt the long way round, I know it makes some people itch.

If / when we have a heatwave I give cans of pop to delivery drivers and the bin men. The bin men have been known to get alcohol free beer.

This is appalling. In a small way, but appalling. You’re - presumably - a grown up now. Stop it!

If I’m walking and realise I need to turn and go back where I came from (took a wrong turn or accidentally walked past the shop I meant to go to etc) I’m too embarrassed to just turn around and go back in case someone sees and thinks I’m weird (??!) so I’ll act as if someone’s called me and say “oh sure, I’ve just gone past but I’ll head back if you need to get X for you”. I don’t know why.

I also tend to make up lies to taxi drivers about where I’m going as the truth is usually so boring and lying is more fun 😄

Love this thread. I'm weird about restaurants. It's a new thing but it actually works to my favour since money is tight. I get disgusted by lack of hygiene, or should I say imagined lack of hygiene so I don't want to eat out. Pizza is OK because it get cooked well and you can see it being shoveled from the stove to the plate but that's it.. I do have a friend who has worked in numerous restaurants and have told me things nobody wants to know so it's not just imaginary stuff going through my head. Now I just need someone to put me off chocolate because I eat far too much of it...

Some poor unfortunate person who thought they were buying a nice treat. What an unpleasant thing for that poster to do.

If I see someone I know in a supermarket, I hide in another aisle. I have no idea why I do this.