Need a hand hold part 2

[Imbluedalale]

Hi it’s Laura ,
Just wanted to add a new thread as I think my other thread is getting full xx

@Imbluedalale your username also gives me an earworm 😅 as you know it was Chinese on the menu here tonight and I'm stuffed. Having a cup of tea and putting my feet up. I can't believe it's just the weekend to go for you now! X

@Imbluedalale I know it's really hard but try not to stress too much
A dick will always be a dick and your right...he will do everything he can to make your life difficult and cause you upset, he knows that the easiest way to do this is by using the kids
Call the school on Monday and go from there

The only way to sort this is probably going to be by going to court, when the time is right, you are settled and strong

He will not win this, you just have to play the game lovely xxx

Laura, I’d put money on them NOT authorising two weeks absence.

He’s going to try all these games because he realises he’s lost control.

It will be ok in the end. Stay calm and strong xx

@Imbluedalale yes I'm in total agreement with others. He is using the youngest as he wouldn't be able to do the same with the older 2. I also struggle to see school granting this. Explain your circumstances and I'm sure they will offer support. Don't let this news derail you xx

Thank you @Munchyseeds2 , I realise I should have rang the school when he kicked me out but my head was all over the place .
Im going to try and not stress about it , I’m upset more than anything but until Monday there’s nothing I can do until I’ve spoken to the school. He’s probably told the school a load of lies especially about me . I’m upset at the thought of him telling them that I am the violent one , what must they think of me now?
He’s giving my son £40 day for being there!So my son thinks great, little time off school and getting paid for it.
I think I’m going to have to seek legal advice about it all.
Im that upset by it I could honestly ring ex and ask what he’s playing at but I won’t , I made a promise to myself day I left that he’ll never see me upset again and I’m going to stand by that but honestly what a nasty horrible twat xx

I agree I don’t believe they would have authorised that unless he’s lied to them about me and said I’m a danger or something and he’s doing it for son’s safety . I don’t know until Monday , maybe they might not even speak to me now if he’s told them lies.
I’m so strict on absences from school my ex wasn’t bothered about it but I was so he knows him having 2 weeks off school is going to upset me xx

stay strong laura, the others are right that he is looking for new ways to control now he realises hes lost his grip on you. you've got all us here for you to vent at and to hold you up xx

⬆️ This ⬆️ @Apolloneuro is right, it’s just because he has lost control. He thought making you homeless would keep you down but he didn’t bank on the Spoonies lifting you up and supporting you so it didn’t work . Now you are in a great position ready to move into a better property than he has he wants to find other ways to control the situation. But you don’t have to grant him that control over you. Just tell your son it will give you a chance to get his room sorted and let the ex think you are chill about it. Don’t let him know he has got to you. This is a case of of playing the long game. You’ve got this Laura 🤗

Thank you @nornironlady , I know he’s using the youngest , he’s paying him to go for gods sake! My youngest said ‘dad told me to let you know at teatime’ because he knows I can’t contact the school over the weekend. What an evil horrible twat he is to do that on day I get keys xx

I will thank you @spoonfulofmustard , I’ve told my son I hope he has a nice time and I can’t wait to see him when he gets back then I put phone down and had a good cry.
Do you think I should tell the school everything on Monday when I speak to them?xx

im not the best to advise on how much to tell the safeguarding lead, a much wiser spoonie will be abke to help you that (im a terribke oversharer nowadays, oops) but i agree with @Apolloneuro you need to contact them

Thank you @AdmittowearingCrocs , I’m ok I’m going to try and stay strong . Thank you all for being there for me , I appreciate it so much.
He knows exactly what’s he’s doing though because youngest actually wants to do 50/50 so he’s trying to take that away from me by making it into an exciting adventure for youngest . He’s just going to keep doing things like this but at least I do have some strength now to not let him break me again . Your right I do need to play the long game xx

Ok thank you @spoonfulofmustard , I actually don’t want to tell them anything because I don’t want everybody I know about the DV etc but I realise I’ll probably have to especially because he seems to be shouting it from the worktops that it was the other way around xx

@AdmittowearingCrocs is right. Take the high road and use the time to get his room ready. Your ex will run out of tactics and he can't stop your kids loving you. It doesn't change your plans. Keep focusing on the fact you will all be together soon xx

Thanks @nornironlady , your all right I’ll use this time to make sure his room is lovely and cozy and not let ex or his family know it’s got to me xx

They really should!

@Imbluedalale please don't worry about being honest with the school. It will be in confidence and they will keep an extra eye on your son. In my experience the more open I have been has led to a really great relationship with the head and vp. They might even be able to signpost you to other services.

@Imbluedalale personally I would be completely upfront and honest when you talk to the school
You have nothing to hide and it's the only way to get the truth to those who need to know - the school will have heard it all before.
He's banking on you keeping it all to yourself, don't do it! Xxx

40 quid a day?? It's going to cost him a fortune and your son can by a play station ( or something) for his new room)
TWAT!!

Definitely this. Don’t forget I’m a semi retired teacher so have pretty good idea how these things work.

I would make a note of all the names of the professionals who have been involved (not the doctors, but mental health team and police etc). Give their names so that the school knows you’re not making malicious claims.

First thing I’d do on Monday is ring them and say that you have not given permission for your son to be absent from school. If possible I’d ask for a meeting but I don’t know how practical that is.

Nothing to be ashamed of and it’s important that the school knows they need to support your son.

It’s the not knowing what he’s said to them that’s one of my worries. He’s either said I’m the abusive one so he’s having to have youngest there for safety or he’s said I’ve left the family home and left the children and he has nobody to look after him whilst he’s working . And then if I tell them what’s really been going on won’t they find it hard who to believe?xx

Thank you @Munchyseeds2 , I’m definitely going to ring the school first thing on Monday and find out why it has been agreed that son can take 2 weeks off school . What if ex ha put a block ok so they won’t speak to me though?xx

Whatever he’s said, you can prove he’s lying. By the way, I bet the staff at school have good dickdar and have already worked out that he’s a twat.

He can’t do that as you have got parental responsibility.