It was my birthday yesterday, MIL bought me Christmas themed stuff

[HagsRule]

I feel ungrateful even creating this thread, but it has been bugging me all day. AIBU to feel this way? Is this weird?

Basically, it was my birthday yesterday and MIL came over today with presents for me. Over the past 5 or 6 years I've received at least one Christmas themed present for my birthday from MIL which I've thought was odd since it is almost 2 months before Christmas and I'm not really a big Christmas fan anyway.

After she did it again last year on my birthday I maybe didn't receive the Christmas themed plates and glasses as enthusiastically as she'd expected. Just to clarify I always say thank you and haven't said anything as I don't want to upset anybody and come across as ungrateful. Even posting this I feel guilty! But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed and my BIL (her other son) also gave me entirely Christmas themed presents bar one book. I suspect BIL got help from his mum to buy his presents as when he handed the parcel to me he checked with his mum first to make sure that was the right gift to give me (he's almost 40 fyi).

Is she trolling me now? She must have picked up on me feeling a bit irked by it last year so she's ramped it up this year. My DH is also annoyed on my behalf and at lunch today said something about Christmas not even being on our radar until December (which to be fair is true). She looked annoyed that he said this.

Should I just suck this weird gift thing up forever more? I mean, it's just so random and I think I'd understand more if she bought me Halloween themed tat since that's the day before my birthday, but Christmas stuff? It makes even less sense.

Please please, OP, inundate her on her birthday with fluffy chicks, a Simnel cake, huge quantities of chocolate eggs in a wicker basket, a daffodil-patterned throw and a cushion with a grinning bunny on it.

To be fair I did like that gift, to clarify to everyone; that beauty calendar from Boots was v much appreciated at the time. I actually think that was the year before last I got the calendar. Last year was Christmas themed plates and glasses. Kind of the plastic type ones you know? With the tree designs? Which my face might have been a bit shocked at (hence me thinking she maybe clocked I was a bit irked last year and has now ramped it up even more this year). It's just this year it was everything Christmas themed. Tea towels, coasters, not something (like the beauty calendar) that can be used in a practical way and is finished once used up.

This made me LOL. 😂

If she’s mothering her other ds then give the Christmas stuff to him.
This will annoy her more than if you regift it to your mil, especially if he’s a golden child.

A beauty advent calendar is…not a bad gift at all? I mean I wouldn’t particularly want one because I buy very expensive skin care and I am very set in my ways (my routine works and you can pry it from my cold, dead, but wrinkle free, hands) but I have loads of friends who would genuinely love that as a present.

But honestly, who cares what their MIL gets them for their birthday? If it’s something lovely then fab but if not smile, say thank you graciously and re-gift to the charity shop/school Christmas fair/whatever. If you all must insist on giving ‘surprise gifts’ to the adults in your family then you are surely used to getting things you wouldn’t necessarily choose yourself?

i couldn’t bring myself to be bothered about this at all - but i do find endlessly swapping presents that people don’t really want, amongst adults who could just buy their own stuff, pointless and bad for the environment so I would put a stop to it pretty sharpish. Or tell your husband to go out with her for the afternoon and subtly point out things you’d actually like….

I feel your pain. I HATE that stink of synthetic cinnamon that Christmas candles reek of and which seems to permeate shops - garden centres especially - from about the beginning of October. How do their poor staff put up with it?

I got the PA Christmas gift thing from my SiL for years. I took the high road, and in retrospect am not sorry I gave nothing back as I'd be loathe to give her the satisfaction of even slightly pissing me off. I was SO tempted to one year present her with a beautifully-wrapped bar of Lady Macbeth's guest bathroom soap in retaliation: don't know how I managed to resist the temptation for so long.

Oddly enough SiL was really vocally angry when MiL suggested to me in front her that why didn't we just buy for the kids from this point? I happily bit her arm off for offering me such an unexpected gift. They had an open argument, right there in front of me, whilst I sat there in silence enjoying every minute of it.

Fess-up time. Yes, I smirked. 😁

Not the point but I would love Christmas stuff for my birthday! I can't justify buying it for myself, and it's 'wrong' as a christmas present as the time for using it is almost over!

What can you do? You can say something and offend her, and probably create a bad atmosphere between you. Or you can secretly laugh about it but be gracious in your thanks.

My sister’s mother in law kept us entertained for decades with the frankly awful gifts she bought her. We couldn’t wait to hear what atrocious things she’d been given. She’s dead now and we miss it!

Does it really matter after all? I’m sure your mother in law means well, and if she’s trying to annoy you, don’t give her the satisfaction.

It is odd, but could it be that she thinks having Christmassy household things (eg plates etc) are useful in the run-up to Xmas (….ok not in November, but maybe you can make use of them from the start of December)? x

You mention your BIL gifts...plural. how would you feel if no one bothered....he bought you multiple gifts. Try saying thanks, and be grateful. Next year just say that you have enough Christmas stuff and you'd live something more personal.

I like the suggestion of getting her an Easter themed gift, like an Easter egg.

You’re not going to stop this by pandering to it.

2 years ago my mil brought me a toaster with a beans and egg thing attached to it as I was expecting my 2nd child in Feb. When I opened it, it had been used. I said to her that it wasn't new and she said yeah it is I just tried it out to make sure it worked 🤔 who does that?!

I get that it's kind she got you a gift but Christmas themed when it's nearly 8 weeks until then? Weird.

I think you need to be forthright and message her to say thank you MIL for the early christmas presents.

But anyway, maybe last year my face slipped or something and I gave myself away because this year for my birthday every single present was Christmas themed

Why do you think she got you these things because you DON’T like them.

Perhaps she gets them because she thinks you DO like them.

You say yourself that you always say thank you etc (which is good) but perhaps she thinks that you genuinely like the gifts.

I'd regift them back to her for Christmas

If she said anything I'd say we assumed it was stuff she particularly liked as she'd given me the same items for my birthday 2 months before Christmas

Mil told me often she was so happy dh met me.
Then binned us when our dc was born. Absolutely no back story. Your mil is cunning and sly and sadly you have fallen for it all.
What she means is she is glad her ds met you because she knows you are easily manipulated...

I don't see anything wrong with this it means you can enjoy it throughout December. I think buying Christmas related gifts for Christmas is a bit pointless as Christmas is basically over. The same as I don't put Christmas pyjamas in Christmas eve boxes it seems such a waste Its better to start wearing at the beginning of December

Mines a Feb birthday & id be happy to get this. Keep the things I like & charity shop the other things intime for people for Easter it'nz all a win.

I'm not good at present buying & I'm hard to buy for, so I don't put any weight on presents.

im happy if the things are good to donate to a charity to allow people to buy them cheaply in advance if an occasion.

I wouldn’t mind the candles because I like Christmassy scents any time of the year, but the other stuff, just no. Not on at all.

Or even Easter themed stuff. But ensure it’s really kitsch and not the nice things you’d want to decorate with, maybe a huge Bugs Bunny plushie. See her face then and say “oh I thought you could do with Easter themes seeing as you do Christmas themed gifts for me”. Add on tinkling laugh and head tilt.

You're right it's not that big a deal, like I said in my original post I do feel guilty that my immediate feelings inside were to feel a bit disappointed. But yes, I'll maybe get DH to make some suggestions for next year! I always get her lovely things for her birthday; thing I know she likes (molton brown etc).

I wouldnt retaliate with easter themed gifts. It either shows she's pissed you off (which a narc will love) or you're a thoughless DIL and she'll turn it around to be the victim in some way.

Rise above it and give less shits. Enjoy the nice presents you get from others or save a few pennies across the year to treat yourself to the gift you really wanted. Stop wasting emotional energy on her.

Stop pandering to her. Let her kick up a big fuss. Give zero fucks. I cannot stand this sort of shitty passive aggressive behaviour from narcs and I challenge it every time. It's the only way to deal with them. Stand back and watch her implode.

Honestly OP, I think if you and DH can figure out how to see this as a private joke that you find hilarious, that is the best way to deal with it.

My mum spent years being upset by my spiteful stepsister’s gifts. I’ve slowly worked on her to just laugh at them with me after, and it takes the stress out of the whole thing.