Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

I may not have been, either which way, she never responded, it stayed grey (it may have been 1 grey tick), so I've taken the awkward hint!

I think the fact that you rang her mum is really weird, sorry.

If you’d of been able to find her on Facebook and sent her a message it would have been perfectly fine. But to ring her mum after not even speaking to your friend for so long is very strange. I imagine your friend felt the same way.

for me on WhatsApp the sign is one tick then if the profile picture disappears, then its a block

I just can’t get past ringing someone’s mum that you haven’t spoken to in decades. It is so bizarre. I’d be really freaked out by this and would 100% block. I get that everyone is entitled to feel their own way about things and there’ll be a few people here who will insist it’s fine for their own reasons but I would confidently say that most people would find this strange and creepy and it was not a good idea.

Maybe if you were party friend in the 90s you were up to a bit of ‘laddette’ stuff and she’s now in a space/job where this would be a bad look for her, so maybe she needs to leave the past in the past?

I felt differently when I first posted on here but having read some of the more supportive comments I realise how crap we as humans have become looking at my own background. My parents are European and people ringing up even years later is very normal and welcoming. I see on MN so many times people casually say 'block them', like it's nothing. I have only ever blocked someone in a few extreme circumstances, otherwise I think it's utterly disrespectful. I also agree with PP how isolated and unfriendly we've all become. This thread has definitely made me think.

And I too don’t think you’re weird or creepy. You took a punt and it didn’t work out. In another sliding doors situation, maybe it would have.

I know it feels painful now because you’re embarrassed but don’t dwell on it, as in the big scheme of things nothing much really happened.

You will get some people on here trying to make a meal of it acting like you’re the same as the woman off Baby Reindeer, so you can feel super bad. Ignore them, they’re the type to shout ‘LTB!’ if an OP complains her DH forgot to put the dishwater on.

Catch up with one of your current mates for a coffee instead

I'm all for reuniting with old friends, but calling someone's mum - presumably a now very elderly woman, is strange. It's been 30 years! This and the out of the blue message would scare anyone off.

Does she have no social media presence at all? Was this not an option? (Sorry if you've already explained why you didn't try this route first).

I wouldn't give it anymore headspace - you're unlikely to bump into her, and even if you did, your intentions were good.

Hold on, so you dont even know if you've actually been blocked then OP? if it was two grey ticks that means it was delivered (so not blocked) but she hasn't read it.

This entire thread you keep saying how rude and out of order she is for blocking you but you dont even know if you have been blocked FFS!!

Same here. I remember two of my best friends numbers, my sisters number and anther couple of friends numbers. It’s not strange, it’s how the humans brain works regarding memory.

An elderly person suffering from dementia or the like might not know the day of the week but they can still remember a phone number from 30 years ago

For me, the difference is quite important to the story.
One tick - blocked.
Two ticks - delivered, read, never replied. Any number of reasons are possible. Could be not interested in pursuing or has a crazy busy life and a friendship from 30 years ago isn't important.
The 'grey' part is irrelevant. Plenty of us have read receipts turned off so you will only ever stay grey.

FWIW, I don't subscribe to the 'you were intrusive' philosophy. Lots of people who were alive before the 1990s use phones for phoning people, not just for messaging. There is a generational shift where many of what I consider to be young people don't want to be phoned.

I'm pretty sure 1 grey tick is blocked. The initial msg was 2 blue ticks as she replied and asked me a question which I responded to, but my reply remained on 1 grey tick, which I think means she blocked me, unless I'm incorrect 💁‍♀️

It's becoming very easy to block and erase other human beings. But, human beings have feelings. I do understand sometimes it's needed, but an old friend looking to say hi, I didn't really feel warranted that. Sign of the times that a lot of people seem self centred I think. Rather than the whole Be Kind thing that was very marketed - it seems a lot don't bother with that anymore. It is indeed quite sad.

I did know her parents and visited their home many times, so it's not as if I've hunted random elderly people down to stalk their daughters who I barely knew. I'm getting a bit exhausted explaining myself tbh. Just wanted to say hi and touch base with an old friend who didn't appear to be on fb. Is it reaaaaaalllly so odd. I actually don't think so at all, regardless of many disagreeing with me. I was being nice, asking after an old friend....I'll continue being me I think.

It could also mean she had an issue with her phone or what's app. My phone broke and I struggled go get what's app on my new phone. Same thing happened to another friend. Which shows one grey tick meaning not delivered.
FYI I don't think you're weird, I also remember several of my close friends landline umbers from when I was a teenager and they remember mine!

I am around your age and see nothing odd about remembering her old number or ringing her mum or contacting her. I do see something very odd and unnecessary in her blocking you and the only person who should be feeling bad about this is her. So pick yourself up and dust yourself down and hold your head up high.

Sorry @Pureshores499 but the whole #BeKind movement got way out of control. It went from a well-meaning buzz-phrase after people had been cruel towards Caroline Flack, (which may have contributed to her suicide,) to becoming a way to shut women down, and keep them compliant, and make them feel guilty if they DARE to say NO.

#BeKind is just a way to shut women down and make them feel bad for not wanting to do something.

#BeKind really pisses me off.

If it's 'getting exhausting' explaining yourself, then stop doing it then. Some people think what you did was fine/nice, some think it was a bit weird/batshit.

People are different, and not everyone is going to agree with you!

It's the same up north, totally normal to pop in on parents of old friends etc.

OP sorry if you've said this but can you see her picture?

@Disturbia81 yes you're right. Think I've been living in London too long 🤣. It's funny as I have become a bit of a recluse and my original post to the thread I thought OP was strange calling the mum. Then I thought about my DH who is from the same background as me and then I started remembering times when he would call someone saying 'I haven't heard from so and so for years, I wanna see how they are.' And he in turn would be very happy if someone has done the same. He loves all of that and often complains how no one keeps in touch anymore.

I'm a similar age to you, and also would have remembered a landline number. I get that, I get contacting someone in your thoughts. You're being well over dramatic though - feel like you've been "punched in the stomach"? Because you've got two grey ticks on a message? Really?

I don't think it's weird either. I had a lovely friend at school, but somewhere along the line, after I got married, we lost touch. *
Several years ago, someone (on MN) found her, and I sent a letter with my contact details to her, saying hello, explained I was sorry we'd lost touch, what had caused it & hoped she was doing well. Although I gave my contact details, she never responded. I still miss her.

*I used to see her brother occasionally when I went to visit my late parents, he always said he'd tell her he'd seen me, and would pass on my regards. After I moved away from the area, I lost that link.

Listen i dont think there is anything wierd about getting a phone number from someones mum .

Conversely, I had two old friends from school/ teenage years that I'd lost touch with re enter my life in my 30s ( one got in touch, one I randomly bumped in to) and they are now 15 years in solid friends I'm grateful to have rekindled things with.

I noticed some one I thought I was friends with had un friended me on Facebook (saw them comment on a mutual friends post) no idea why and id love to know (or maybe I wouldn’t) but I won’t be asking lol