Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

She might not have actually blocked you - there could be another explanation.

She might not have wanted to be reminded of what she got up to in the 90s or has a nosey spouse who she doesn’t want to know what she got up to in the 90s.

I don’t think you did anything wrong !

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi.

She didn't give you her number though! You've cold called her. We all have the right to nip unwanted contact in the bud; there's nothing rude about it.
Blocking you removes any room for doubt (she's not obliged to let you down gently!).

I'm not sure if I'd find it odd or if I wouldn't mind if someone from my past got in touch. I suppose it depends on who it is. However, I find phoning her mum strange. But I suppose it depends on how close you were all those years ago. It could be your old friend found it suffocating that you involved her mum and didn't just track her down on social media to send her a message.

She didn't give you her number though! You've cold called her

Yes! It’s exactly this. You didn’t meet up with her at a mutual friends party when she was in the mood for socialising, you have cold called her (or cold texted her) and for her it might be terrible timing or she might be really stressed about something private. Her mum isn’t necessarily going to be privy to that. There have been some stressful times in my life when the unexpected reappearance of a drinking buddy from the 90s would have made me think oh just piss off! Not because they were horrible people but simply because I was stressed out to the max and not in the mood for reminiscing about all the times we spent drunk at clubs.
I honestly think you’d have had far more success giving your number to her mum and letting her decide when it was convenient to ring/text.

The friend is the weirdo. Blocking is such a dick move. It’s unhinged. I think it was lovely you got back in touch and it’s a shame so many people have forgotten what manners and respect look like. If she did not want to connect further all she had to do was give a polite decline and wish op well.

FWIW OP I still remember my friends’ home numbers from childhood!

I think you sound lovely. I hate that feeling of making an effort or putting yourself out there a bit and having people recoil in horror as if you’ve done something unspeakably awful! We live in such isolated bubbles these days and it’s sad. I mean- don’t get me wrong, it’s fine if she didn’t want to meet, but the responses you’ve had on here are so weird! I think your life will be richer for having the kind of attitude you do, don’t let it stop you in the future! Also the idea that phoning a childhood friend’s Mum being super creepy - really?! Our communication is so dumbed down and sterile now! I’m sure her mum didn’t find it intrusive- you weren’t heavy breathing down the phone! If her mum thought it weird she’d presumably have taken your number to pass on, rather than giving you her daughters.

The friend doesn't owe anything to be fair and can disengage if she likes. It's been 20 years, for a casual friendship, they are as good as strangers. I replied earlier up the thread but on reflection I think phoning the friend's mum is weird. It looks like she's been searching rather than meeting by chance and suggesting to meet.

@GroovyChick87 she can disengage by saying so can’t she? That was the entire point of my post.

They can’t have been that casual given she remembers the home number and her mum knew her. Ffs what a sad world we now live in

I just do not find it credible that you still remember the land line of a person that you haven't seen in decades. I have a really good memory for phone numbers, I was like a walking telephone book when I was a teenager and I cannot remember one phone number of any of my closest friends and you weren't even close to her particularly.

I think you looked up her parents number actually but prefer to say that you remembered it off by heart so as to make it look more normal. I don't buy it.

Luckily she doesn't have to convince you.

as I've said, and others, I remember my boyfriends home number from when I was 15. Which was 1987.

I still remember phone numbers from my childhood. It isn't that unusual.

More to the point, why won't OP answer one tick or two...

By a lot of responses on here, I was beginning to feel like an unhinged weirdo! Thankyou for your lovely message. Maybe I didn't really think it through, I just thought it would be nice to touch base with an old friend. It seems a lot of MN feel that makes me very cringe and odd 😂 I remember so many landline numbers - it was a different time in the 80s and 90s (and better imo, when people seemed more social!)

Because it was a few months ago now and I'm not 100% sure. I think it was 1, but remained that way for the next 2 weeks so guessed I was blocked (but may be wrong as I'm not really sure how blocking works) either way, she never responded, so the writing was on the wall. I feel a bit of an idiot 😂 but onwards and forwards.

its like with my story, sometimes you can try to do all the best or right things and still get ghosted , im still not exactly sure what the reasons are for my block as i followed the general rules, tried to be polite, professional, caring , then your blocked , at least ill always have the executive lunch so to speak.

I'd love it if an old friend got in touch! Remember, OP, you're on MN where a phone call is seen as a hostile act and people don't answer their front doors no matter who's knocking.

Exactly this. ^ The OP's ex friend from 3 decades ago owes her nothing, and as I said, I would think it very odd that some random person I socialised with for a short time back in the 1990s rang my mother, to get my phone number to try to rekindle some vague 'way-back-in-the-past acquaintanceship.'

And yeah I would quite possibly block her so she can't keep contacting me. If she had been that interested in me as a friend (and interested in keeping in touch,) she would have made much more effort many years earlier.. And as pps have said, I would give my mother a short shrift for giving my bloody number out.

As a few people have said, this woman doesn't deserve to be berated for this, with comments like 'she's miserable and sad' and 'it's her loss,' and 'it's a wonder she's got any friends' la la la... The woman owes the OP NOTHING.

I am not saying the OP is weird, but contacting some random from 30 years ago, who you have had naff-all to do with since then, and expecting to pick up where you left off IS weird. The people who think this is fine, are probably the same ones who turn up to peoples funerals who they've had fuck-all to do with since 1989. With their faux grief, trying to pretend they care.

And trying to add someone you went to school with, 30 years after you left, (like what's happened to me a few times,) when you didn't have much to do with them at school anyway, is fucking odd. And as I said, on the occasions that's happened to me, I just block them.

I have several friends who said they have accepted friend requests on Facebook from people they went to school with - who they haven't spoken to in 25 years - and they didn't engage with them once they were on the friends list, or even 'like' or acknowledge any of their photos. So they just unfriended them after a few months.

Also, you can tell the posters on here who have been blocked by people (probably for randomly contacting them after several decades of radio silence!) You can hear the bitterness in their posts, with rude and snarky comments aimed at people who don't want to rekindle some ancient short-lived friendship that died in the 1990s!

It's all a bit odd, firing messages and phone calls and contact at someone you knew for a short while 30 years ago, and thinking they will be as desperate to be pals again as you! Seriously people, find new friends and stop badgering people you've had no contact with for 3 decades. It's makes you look a bit desperate! I also think (like several others) that the OP looked up the ex friend's parents number, and didn't remember it. Yeah I remember some phone numbers from 3 or more decades ago, but I don't remember any phone numbers of any friend's parents! (Not friends who I was friends with as an adult, like in the OP's situation!)

.

It's OK that you don't find it credible. You are incorrect though, regardless.
I rang it that many times in the 90s arranging nights out, it's etched in my brain and came straight back to me. She lived a few miles away so her landline number began with a different number to most of my other friends which made it easy for me to remember. I remember my nans and aunty's landline too and they've been dead 25 years plus.

All I was doing was looking to say hi to a girl I used to be friends with and see how she's doing these days. I didn't overthink it really. It's fine that she doesn't want to communicate, it's her choice, just thought it a tad harsh how she did it re blocking me. We went out a lot together in the 90s, just us 2, so it's not as though I barely knew her.
I rarely use FB and am definitely not someone who accepts people from school I had nothing to do with etc. All it was really, was a little hi and check in with an old friend, nothing more, I wasn't looking to rekindle or pick up where we left off. I thought I was just being nice.

I think you’re missing the point that many of us are making. It’s not about catching up with a friend, it’s the intrusive nature of how you got in contact that is the issue.

This. ^

Why should she though? She didn't ask to be contacted. I can't imagine it going down any better with the OP than being ghosted if she was told "oh thanks for getting in touch but I'm not interested". Sometimes it's kinder ( and easier) to just not say anything. Besides, we have no idea what the friend's thoughts were on the OP to start with. I'm not saying it's the case here but I can think of people I would be horrified to hear from and would be blocking without a second thought.

• Sorry that was to Rubexcube

I'm not saying you're 'not nice' or that you're weird. I just think it was a weird thing to do. That's just my opinion. Many other posters agree though. And it looks like your ex friend from the 1990s thought the same, because she blocked you.

Honestly, I reckon she was freaked out that some random from the 1990s rang her parents to get her phone number, and just cold called her.

Op why do you keep insisting that you've been blocked when 2 grey ticks indicates delivered and not read? If you had been blocked there would only be one grey tick,

Why are you so determined to believe you've been blocked?

Recently my dm met an old friend of mine, I haven't been in touch for years we are not close , my dm told her to visit me ffs I've moved house and on in life we both have and I've no desire to reminise.

I really hope I didn't heavy breath down the phone 😂 that would have been the final nail in my coffin on here 😂 I agree with all you say! I feel by the responses on here if we were in real life I'd be chained to a lamppost and have tomatoes thrown at me! God forbid we try to be nice and say hi to an old friend or horror of horrors, remember their parents number 😂. Communication does seem odd and sterile now, it's also easy to block and erase another human being. I'll keep being the way I am - although admittedly I won't be calling any old friends parents EVER again #creepyweirdome 😂 thanks for your kind message x