Old friend randomly blocked me

[Pureshores499]

For background purposes, I'm in my 40s now.
When I was in my 20s, I had a friend who I socialised a lot with (bars and clubs late 90's days) we had some amazing nights and were great friends, not super close though, mainly socially. As life progresses we both meet and marry, settle down etc. and lose touch, as sometimes happens in life. I know she's married with a son who I'm guessing is around 20 now.

Randomly one day a few months ago, I got thinking of her and could remember her Mums landline number (probably because we called each other so much back then before mobiles!)

I rang and spoke to her Mum. She remembered me and we had a brief chat. I asked for my old friends mobile and said I'd love to surprise her with a little WhatsApp and catch up on how she's doing.

I drop said friend a little message, along the lines of "hey old friend. Surprise! A little blast from your past. Ask how she's doing, tell her she had popped into my mind etc, explained how I'd amazingly remembered her parents home number etc. and just thought it would be good to check in all these years later now we're adulting 😊

She replies, brief, but pleasant asks how I am etc.

So I respond fairly briefly, tell her I'm married, where I'm living now etc. Casually say it would be nice to one day catch up for a coffee is she fancies it sometime.

That's it.

Stays on the grey tick. I got blocked. Obviously she never responded.

I can't understand. It's made me feel utterly crap. I'm obviously overthinking it, but who wouldn't. I've never done anything to offend her. I get that life moves on. Maybe she didn't fancy the coffee thing, but surely she could have just got around that by being vague and non committal (I can take a hint!) Just thought it was a nice little checkin to an old friend I'd lost touch with.

I just find people so rude. I thought it would be just a nice hi, was thinking of you and the fun times we has message - instead I come away from an innocently nice gesture feeling like I've been punched in the stomach (and also like a complete idiot!!)

She only lives about 10 miles from me, so I dread if I ever bump into her, I'd feel incredibly awkward now on how to navigate!

Anyone else had odd situations like this that fester in your mind?

You’re not weird at all @Pureshores499 but I also don’t think your friend is weird for not responding. We’re all at different places in life, you don’t know what’s going on in hers. She might have a reason to want to forget the past. She might have health problems. Or any other things going on that might not give her head space for meeting / chatting with you. I wouldn’t take it personally.
For those of you who don’t believe the op remembered the numbers, I can remember the number of my mother’s work place from the 90s, she hasn’t worked there for 25 years, and also my aunt’s old number which I haven’t used in 25 years also. Can vaguely remember my childhood best friend’s but not 100% sure if it’s right.
*edited for typo

@SassK · Today 14:27

It's not everyone's idea of lovely though!
Does it not occur to you that the person you knew at school isn't on facebook because they value their privacy, and have no wish to be swooped on by people they just happened to know at one time? It's very common on facebook for people to use a version of their name that isn't easily identifiable, so it seems a lot of people don't want to be searched/contacted in this way

Yep this. I don't use my real name on Facebook. I used to - pre 2017/2018, but kept getting randoms popping up trying to 'add me as a friend,' who I hadn't seen/spoken to/had anything to do with for 2 decades or more - sometimes 3 decades! Old work colleagues, people I went to school with, people I socialised with for a year in 1989, and people I used to live near (for maybe 5 years or less.) Etc...

Some people, I did NOT want to get back in touch with, and I kept getting pushy messages, and passive aggressive remarks about how they noticed I hadn't accepted their friend request. I thought 'yeah because I don't want to fucking speak to you let alone add you on facebook!' Call me crazy, but I pretty much prefer people who are actually in my life/part of my life, who I see regularly/who is in contact with me regularly to be on my friends list. Unlike some people, I want FRIENDS on my friends list. I know, funny girl aren't I?!'

Most of them were either people I had had fuck-all to do with for many years (20+) or they were people who I had distanced myself from because they were toxic, or they brought nothing to my life, or they were users, or they just made zero effort with me/didn't bother with me much - and it always me making the effort. So I blocked quite a few people who kept sending friend requests.

So now, whilst my real name is Lynda Harris, I go by Lynnie H. (for example!) DH tried to look up Lynda Harris (me,) and my account doesn't come up. So people I don't want to contact me can't find me very easily. In fact, since changing it to Lynnie H, I have had no unwanted contact - or unwanted friend requests.

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Agree with this. I moved away from my home town when I was 21. I’m now 58

Im very social, got a wide friendship group and very happy with my life. However if someone I knew 20/30 years ago contacted me out of the blue, I doubt I’d respond at all because I have zero interest in reliving the past. I also would have words with my mum for giving my number out.

Bumping into someone randomly and chatting organically is different but even then I don’t think I’d be forthcoming about meeting up again.

@Pureshores499 I would have had no issue with an old friend doing what you did and been delighted to hear from them (assuming we'd left on good terms, which I have no reason to believe you didn't with this girl.) I would take the view that sometimes the universe puts people back in our lives/in our lives for a reason! I appear to be in a bit of a minority though, if this thread is anything to go by!

There's nothing you can do but let it go - but try not to overthink things, you really didn't do anything that warrants worrying about in terms of your judgement!

Scum of the earth for not replying to a random unsolicited massage from someone who hasn’t crossed their mind for over 20 years?

Seriously get a grip 🤣🤣🤣

Haven't read all the replies so sorry if repeating or I've missed something....but in answer to your original post/question, I think you've been a little OTT.

I have lots of people on FB (that I never use or update) and they're people who have "passed" through my life....old school friends, colleagues, people from back in the day from down the pub etc etc. I don't mind them being there, it makes them happy (I presume) that they're there, some,we may have had a small catch up on messenger etc. But do I want to start meeting up "in real life"...God no!

I have a small instagram account that I use fairly regularly and tbh that's where most of my "real life" friends find me. I don't "allow" most people to access my insta, it's quite a personal account.

But we're all different and we all use media for different things. Personally if I wanted to catch up with someone, I'd look for them on Facebook etc and "access" them that way. I really wouldn't start phoning people etc or messaging them direct. That said you didn't say whether you looked on social media or if your friend has one.

I think it's great to reminisce about the past. I've had some great times pubbing and clubbing in my late teens/early 20s with some great friends. But for me that's over 30 years ago. Yes one or two of them are on my social media, a couple of them, I randomly drive past their mums house or something and I think I wonder what happened to so and so? But I don't go any further than that. Life has moved on tremendously. Sure I hope they're well and happy but that's about as far as I go.

I have a hobby enthusiast group of people on my Facebook that my husband and I had some great times with, probably in our late 20s. It's good to see their families, their now grown up children etc. We've recently been asked if we want to get added to some some "old members" WhatsApp. I had to very very politely decline (which was hard). I don't want my phone pinging every few hours/evening/days all about "the old days " and "do you remember when" and "how funny when you did that". As I say great memories, but that's all we have in common with each other. Nice for 5 minutes yes... but I'm not interested in meeting up nor living in the past. We have nothing in common with them now.

I would hate to meet anyone really from my past...in terms of school friends, old colleagues etc just because we have nothing in common now. Sometimes the friendships we have or had ,are purely bound by the circumstances we found/find ourselves in. I have a lovely lady on my Facebook who I worked with, loved her, got on brilliantly...but I haven't seen her since 2017?? We're not local to each other, we have completely different lives at different stages....and tbh it's awkward when she asks to meet. We met once (back when i was a people pleaser!) and all we did was talk about a workplace, we both no longer worked at 🤷.

You're friend could have blocked you for any number of reasons but really I think it was the direct approach and then the meet for coffee etc. Your friend was polite and cordial to you, but really you've put her on the spot. I agree as adults, she could have said "hey great to hear from you, pleased you're doing well...I've got a lot on at the moment". Would you really have left it at that? Would have you really got the hint? We don't know what's going on in her life...she might be busy, she might be going through an awful time with something, she might even just can't be bothered nor want to live in the past...but really you're a stranger to her now so she probably thought nothing about blocking you (and she's probably really annoyed at her mum!)

Can't you just look now and see how many ticks there are? You still have WhatsApp right?

Try another message some lives and phones are full of incoming and some do get overlooked.

Op says she has been blocked, for the love of God, dont message her yet again. This isn't baby reindeer

A happy story,
id been friends with a girl from the time I was 19 till I was 27. Even went abroad with her and her OH for a 2 week holiday.
Then , we just drifted apart, both had kids etc, remember no Social media in 1977 !
so that was nearly 5O years ago.
Im 74 now - so is she. For whatever reason , she saw my FB profile and contacted me about 3 months ago.
We’ve met up twice since and it’s been great ! I’m thrilled she contacted me. We were both nervous the first meeting, but we chatted for 3 hours .
Really happy to be back in touch with her again !

An old friend did this to me. I was a bit hurt at first in case it hinted at some unresolved issue from our long friendship.

Then I decided - her loss not mine.

She was always terribly insecure and needy, and slightly in awe - not my fault - I loved her to bits and admired her very much. But in retrospect she hadn't grown into herself yet. I only realise it now I'm now fat, lonely and old. 🤣

She's gone on to do incredibly well herself in life. Maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of a time where she felt like an ugly duckling rather than a swan.

Or maybe I'm actually an a*hole who she was secretly glad to see the back of.

It's sad because I am still in contact with many old friends and I feel a gap where she fits. But these things happen - in the time we've been apart I'm hoping she's built a big network. I'm happy for her. 😊

Wow. You are going to a lot of effort. You must have known lots of horrible people.

I am going to 'a lot of effort?' I simply said that I don't use my real name on Facebook. That's not going to 'a lot of effort.' Bit of an OTT post from you. 🙄

!

OP I can remember home phone numbers from the 1970s! So you are not unusual in being able to remember

This isnt about you

It's her. She's not happy with her life. Maybe embarrassed about how things have turned out and doesn't want to see anyone from
Her past

Respect her privacy and move on

I probably wouldn't want to rekindle friendships from a very long time ago.

I'm very much a leave the past in the past kind of person. Even if I did really like you then and we were good friends, unless we'd actually kept in touch- I wouldn't be up for it.

I wouldn't block you straight away. I would be polite back but then ghost you if you kept trying.

It would be nothing personal - it would just be that I don't like reliving the past.

What a strange leap that just because someone has no interest in revisiting the past that they’re not happy with their life.

Many people perfectly happy and content with the present and aren’t nostalgic about reconnecting with past acquaintances.

I have a friend who blocks and ghosts people regularly. It's her coping strategy.

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like she’s coping at all. I couldn’t be friends with someone like that. How would you ever feel secure in the friendship? If she does it regularly, you could well be next.

It’s really not a lot of effort. You literally just don’t use your real name on Facebook. I don’t, I’m very private because of work and someone from my past.

I think you’re overthinking this.

Do you think maybe the Mum complained to your friend about you calling and that's put her off?

I can't imagine my Mum being happy if any of my old mates gave her a bell 😂

This is… intense.

Mine was a positive meetup last year. Both 51. Her dad passed this year so I messaged. But years have passed.... I did get vibe was just a one off catchup though with her and thats fine

My comment on her post was deleted for some unknown reason as I said nothing offensive, just that she seemed easily irritated and seemed to have a lot of people she disliked. Both of her posts that I read come across quite abrasive. Did make me wonder if she reported it because she interpreted my remark as criticism rather than purely observational. I suppose you never know what goes on in other people’s lives to make them that angry and intense.