To do this crazy sleeping arrangement

[sleepingsecondhand]

It is strange and I’m sure I’ll get many posts saying it’s strange but if it gets me more sleep I don’t think I care.

We have a four bed house, three good sized bedrooms, one small room.

DH snores, badly, and for a myriad of other reasons we just don’t sleep well together so we don’t do it. So at the moment we have

DH in a double bed in bedroom 1
Me in a double bed in bedroom 2
DS (aged 3, almost 4) in a single bed in bedroom 3
And in theory DD (aged 15 months) in a cot in bedroom 4.

DD appears to hate the cot. I probably should sleep train her but it’s going to be horrible and will have to go for full cry it out which obviously in itself is controversial but ‘gentler’ methods won’t be gentle, she’ll never settle if I’m in the room with her.

However she sleeps OK in a bed. Last week DH was away and I just let her sleep in his double bed and she slept through.

I am considering just letting her sleep in my bed and buying a single bed for her room and sleeping in that myself until she’s old enough to go in a bed. I know it sounds a bit mad but seems the best alternative to cry it out at the moment.

Floorbed childproof the room and put a safety gate on the door.

Is her room any colder than the others? Mine was waking last winter until we realised how cold her room gets in the night- I think it was down to 10c. Plug in radiator fixed the issue immediately!

I'd worry about potty training with a full height double? Will be she be tall enough next summer to get I and out on her own in the night if she needs a wee?

You have made up your mind though and it seems pointless that you have started this thread when you won't take anyone's advice. Floor bed is much safer and you could always get a bed frame if it doesn't work out and you end up needing to sleep in there. If the mattress is good quality and comfortable then it won't be any less comfortable than on a bed, unless you struggle to get up from down low but not really a comfort issue, more of a practical one.

So I say - I’ll either get her a single and put her in it, sleep train or let her sleep in my double.

You say ‘you have made your mind up though’

And no matter how unpleasant it might make me I say … can you read? I mean yes, I don’t want a floor bed, but that’s the only thing I’ve vetoed.

Dr Sears (the attachment parenting guide guy) said the best sleeping arrangement for your family is the one where you all get the most sleep. Do it.

You are fixating on how strange the set up is. It's not strange at all. Also It's not strange that a toddler needs to be held to sleep either. They are still so small. Making them cry themselves to sleep is so barbaric. They don't learn to sleep or self soothe. They just know you aren't going to come so they are awake but stay quiet. Their stress levels are just as high and it leads to disordered attachment styles in later life.

Why can't she just share the bed with your husband?

To balance things out with the floor beds suggestions:

1. My son had one at 2yo and didn't like it. He slept and enjoyed much more once we raised it (same bed/mattress/etc, just screwed up higher).
2. They can be dangerous for younger children. My daughter loved walking around it when she was 12-15 months old but kept falling (because of the mattress, blankets, soft toys etc), and smashed her heads in the bedguards a couple of times. It hasn't happen once since it's raised off the floor.
3. If OP's DD is sleeping better in the double bed, it's because it's a double bed. So a single, toddler bed, single floor bed won't work anyway. My daughter is the same, she wakes up the minute she hits the side rail.

And why buy a new bed if the existing one can work?!

I also don't think anyone can understand what it's like to have a child who will not sleep if you are in the room, unless you've had one. They will not sleep. There is nothing you can do but get out of the room and let them cry. We got stuck all in one room with our toddler during a holiday, it took 5 hours for him to fall asleep of exhaustion. He went absolutely ballistic! Now that he can speak, he asks us to leave the room to let him sleep.

My eldest was a bit like this. I ended up putting bed slats on the floor within the frame then mattress so he didn’t fall out but it wasn’t so high he’d get hurt climbing over.

Thank you. Yes your dc sounds like mine! And also I don’t have endless pots of money to buy beds; I just don’t. Whatever I buy needs to have longevity.

I also hated sleeping in a cot, so was put into a bed at 9months old. This was before cot-beds or side rails so was surrounded by pillows.
I don't see a problem with putting a 15m old in a bed. Can her cot convert to a low cot bed, if not I'd just put her in a bed with side rails.

Why can’t she have a single bed with bed guards?

She’d still have much more room than in a cot.

If she’s that wriggly, there’s always the chance of her kicking pillows off and falling from a double anyway.

If you’re giving her the double, chances are that there will never be a good time to move.

YANBU to use whatever sleep arrangement works so that you all get a good nights sleep as long as it’s reasonably safe. Do get a proper bed guard for the double though (even if you have to put pillows against it so she doesnt bump her head and wake up - I have to do this for DS) - I’m not sure pillows alone would be safe longer term as they might slide/slip off.

I’d also suggest trying to get the same brand single bed for her bedroom as you have for the double bed she sleeps better on - that way in the future you can try swopping her back again and she might not notice so much difference (it would be nice to eventually get your bed back!). You could always transfer the same guard rail and prop pillows too - so the only difference would be the smaller sleeping area which she might accept once a bit older.

If you let her take over your bed it will become her bed. Put a single bed with bed guards both sides, or a wall one side, bed guard the other. It is important not to blur the lines too much and let her claim your space.

Yes I’d worry that once she was in your room in the double then you’d have some awful transition later on (with added bonus of her actually being able to get out of bed and the room at that point)
I would go for a single with a bed guard/rail
in her room +/- some sleep training.

P.S. I wouldn’t sleep my kids on the floor unless for high days or holidays.

Why are people being horrible to the OP because she doesn't want a floor bed?
She has her reasons. Stop suggesting it. She doesn't want one !
Personally I struggle to get up off a floor bed so I wouldn't be comfortable sitting on a floor bed with a toddler to either read a story or just lay together because when it's time for me to leave I'd be stuck like an upturned ladybird.

Get a guard. Seems straightforward enough.

Mine were both in a bed by 18 months. Probably just over 13 months. They kept falling out but we had the cot mattress on the floor next to the bed to make it secure. We had to as they were trying to climb out of the cot and onto the chest of drawers near the cot. So it was safer for the bed. Toddler beds are quite low if you can get a full length single one but that is just a lower version. My eldest used hers until she was about 7/8. But it was full length.

She’s old enough to go into a bed. Just buy a guard so she can’t fall out. All of mine were in a bed by that age

You'd sleep in a single bed in her room but a single bed won't fit in her room so she can't sleep in it.....🤔😕🙄

I'm with the single mattress team....other than that I don't get it....either you or perhaps I are sleep deprived and are making very little sense.

Single bed with pool noodles under the sheet to keep him from falling out?

Do whatever is easiest for you all to sleep.
my son slept on a mattress on the floor from 11 months because he hated the cot. If he rolled off the mattress he didn’t hurt himself because it was only a tiny drop. Worked great for us but I’m sure some would think we were insane

TLDR, have you tried pool noodles? Put them under the sheets at the edges of the bed, it’s just enough of a lip to stop them rolling out without being a suffocation risk.

Similar situation with cot hating. We did a 3/4 size mattress which took up the whole box room - stair gate on the door. Bed guard thing by the gap. Turned off the radiator. Sorted. Basically a padded cell. Kid loved it

Can you get one of those 4ft doubles for her room if it isn't big enough for a double? All my kids have gone from sleeping in my bed with me to sleeping in their own double beds. Makes it much easier when we have visitors too.