To do this crazy sleeping arrangement

[sleepingsecondhand]

It is strange and I’m sure I’ll get many posts saying it’s strange but if it gets me more sleep I don’t think I care.

We have a four bed house, three good sized bedrooms, one small room.

DH snores, badly, and for a myriad of other reasons we just don’t sleep well together so we don’t do it. So at the moment we have

DH in a double bed in bedroom 1
Me in a double bed in bedroom 2
DS (aged 3, almost 4) in a single bed in bedroom 3
And in theory DD (aged 15 months) in a cot in bedroom 4.

DD appears to hate the cot. I probably should sleep train her but it’s going to be horrible and will have to go for full cry it out which obviously in itself is controversial but ‘gentler’ methods won’t be gentle, she’ll never settle if I’m in the room with her.

However she sleeps OK in a bed. Last week DH was away and I just let her sleep in his double bed and she slept through.

I am considering just letting her sleep in my bed and buying a single bed for her room and sleeping in that myself until she’s old enough to go in a bed. I know it sounds a bit mad but seems the best alternative to cry it out at the moment.

Is there the option of a small double at 120cm? This is the size many universities have in halls. I would plonk the mattress on a low wooden frame (saw the legs lower) with low storage boxes underneath. There are plenty of mattress protectors and fitted bottom sheets at this size and keep a single bedlinen to go on top of it so it doesn’t swamp her. A single duvet covers a small double top nicely.

It's your house, your family, your life. There are no rules. Do whatever you want/need. You don't need anyone's approval, understanding, permission, or opinion!

Happy sleeping, OP!

A normal single bed will be perfectly fine for her age.
Up against one wall and a safety guard thing on the other side.
If it's a regular single and she falls asleep in one of the doubles the owner of that double at least has a proper bed to move to for the night.
Ikea beds tend to not be very high. Don't get one of those massive divan things and she'll be fine.

Yanbu, if everyone getting a better sleep go for it.

If you end up uncomfortable in single bed before ready to move her then have a rethink but definitely do it initially.

Do what you need to do, a good night's sleep for everyone cannot be underestimated!

Cry it out is incredibly cruel and studies show it doesn't actually improve sleep in the long run. You could put DD in one of the double beds, either you or DH in a single in what will be "her" room, and then when she's 18 months she can go in the single with a bed guard and you/DH can move back to a double.

I would do this:

DH in a double bed in bedroom 1
Me in a double bed in bedroom 2
DD (15 months) in a double bed/mattress in bedroom 3
DS (age 3) in a single bed in bedroom 4.

My son slept from the age of 1 in a bed pushed against the wall and a bed guard in the other side.

Stair gate on bedroom door
Never fell out once.

Both of mine slept on futons from birth-when they weren't in our bed. I reckon that or a mattress on the floor is what you need.

DD was in a trundle bed at 17 months. Bed was higher on account of the additional roll out bed underneath it. Just had that pulled out so she had a soft landing if she fell out.

My girl is a terrible sleeper, I thought I was a failed parent as she just never settled. To this day she wakes up (age6). At age 4 I gave up and got her a small double bed. After years of sleepless nights and near nervous breakdowns we were able to lie with her and settle her during the night. 5 mins and that was it. Back to my own bed. Sorted.
when my son arrived I realised I wasn’t such a bad parent as he sleeps all night on his own and always has.
do what works !

Honestly OP, just do what works for you. We’ve had all sorts of sleeping arrangements over the years based on the children’s needs, and it is no one else’s business (we never contemplated cry it out sleep methods as they were not right for us). Everyone being comfortable, safe and getting decent sleep is the priority.

We have a gorgeous "floor bed" which is still raised off the floor about an inch (so decent airflow under the mattress) and totally safe for little ones if they roll out in the night. And they love playing "house" in them: https://www.diy.com/departments/flair-canopy-house-woodeng-single-bed-frame-pine/5060482167450_BQ.prd
I know someone who has one of these for her 8-year-old, too, so they're long-lasting.

The reason we got our floor bed like the one linked above is because DD was in the king size bed asleep and she rolled out, missed the pillows and bumped her head once, it was quite a nasty bump and I'd never recommend putting a little one in a bed that's a normal height from the floor, now.

Our bed rail is mesh so super soft. Ours loves sleeping against it. I think a double bed would be more dangerous in terms of falling out (especially with a wriggly sleeper), even with pillows.

Apologies @PrincessAnne4Eva I have to mention that I would find that combination of bunting (anything rope like that could get twisted round) and high up ‘scaffolding’ very dangerous.

Our 2yo is still in a sleeping bag in a cot bed, but sleeps terrible. Not brave enough to progress to a bed because he would be out and running around. We've just given him a duvet and pillow and made his cot more like a bed. This has improved his sleep slightly. Still sleeps on top of duvet in his sleeping bag though.

The bunting is set dressing for the photo at B&Q. It doesn't come with it. It's just a normal bed frame. We don't have this exact bed (I can't find our exact one with a quick search), but on ours, you can choose not to put the scaffolding on until the child is big enough to play safely in the bed.

I don’t think it sounds crazy. DD6 graduated from cot to double bed - though tbh I always co-slept with her in my super king bed, I can’t remember that she ever slept well in a cot.

She now starts the nights in a single bed but I wake up to her in my bed most mornings, I think she creeps in about 3am. I think if your marriage can survive separate beds then why not (lack of sleep is probably a more marriage destroying issue!)

I would put DD in a toddler or single bed in her (small) room. Bed guard on the side, or floor bed with some cushions along the side on the floor.

She won't "bash against it"; they're soft mesh fabric! It will give her body an "edge" to detect and she'll naturally move away from it while asleep. Same as we do as adult; we detect the bed edge and move away from it.

I am all for sleeping options that work (I currently share a room with a 4 year old and a 9 year old), but you moving in to her room and her moving in to yours sounds unnecessary.

I am a huge advocate for kids having double beds. Putting DS in a double was an absolute game changer for settling him. But we have the space without compromising our own sleep arrangements. Could you try a single with one of those sleep pod things. It could be the bolstering with pillows that helped her sleep, it's like being cuddled by your bed isn't it.

Get rid of cot, put a single bed in her room. Try her in it with a bed guard, and if that doesn’t work, you swap with her for a while until she’s a bit bigger and then swap back. Not mad at all, whatever works for eveyone to get sleep! I think bed mattresses are just comfier than cot mattresses, and more space is comfier than less.

It’s probable that they’ve successfully had sex at least twice, given the two children.
You know, sex doesn’t have to be confined to a bed at night. Wild idea I know!

Low single bed up against the wall one side, slotted in padded guard other side.
Be realistic, at her age if the bed is low and the floor is carpeted, should she in the unlikely event fall out, she'll bounce fine. Doubtful she'll fall out in any case.
My DS was certainly less than 2 before using a bed, they can easily climb out of a cot and risk a higher fall doing so by then.

@ttcat37
Yes I'm aware, it's still nice to have intimacy and share a bed with your partner.