MIL only one not to say my baby looks like me

[TheAquaFawn]

My MIL never says my baby looks like me. Everyone else - friends, family, strangers, says he’s the spit of me but I noticed she stays quiet and only comments that he looks like her son / my DH and at a push, that he looks like both of us. It’s starting to annoy me, and wonder whether it’s a slight at me, am I being silly? DH isn’t insecure at all that people say he looks more like me and joins in.

I haven't read through the replies here and I'm sure there's the usual rude one-liners and patronising responses but OP I can understand what you're saying, it's like she's not prepared to pay you that compliment because quite possibly this goes back to her feelings when her DS originally got with you, and what she lost; so now the baby, her grandchild is here, she doesn't want to give you anything in that sense.
Basically it's a her problem, not a you problem.

Sometimes I feel really sorry for mother in law's. Their son's don't half inflict some bonkers divas on them.

As has been said before, women in the child's father's family ALWAYS say 'he looks just like his dad/her dad!' to convince themselves he is the father. It smacks of trying to take ownership of the baby too. (Probably borne out of fear that the baby's mother's family will end up seeing more of the baby/be in their life more.) MIL said mine and DH's 2 kids looked just like him, and DH's aunt even said they look just like their paternal great grandmother (DH's mother's mother.)

Fact was/is, they look nothing like DH's family members - and don't even look like him much. They just have DH's family's height. (Thankfully as mine are shortarses including me!) They have his skin tone too - quite pale. I am not. Apart from this, they both look like me. Everyone we have ever met (especially when they were children) were stunned at how much they looked like me as a child of the same age (when they saw old photos of me...)

Sounds like you're projecting here. 😆

When my eldest was born my MIL constantly said how much she looked like my DP. She even brought round his baby photo album to prove it. I just eye rolled internally and put the photo album on the side to never be looked through. I think it's a weird thing of trying to take ownership. Now both DC have grown up to look like me nothing gets said.

FFS. Maybe she she's just acting like all grandmother's do, and connecting with her grandchild in the instinctive way that you will too, if you become a GP.

It's absolutely pathetic to go looking for a way to label a grandmother toxic, just because she happens to be the paternal one.

Not really because
A/ I am not a mother in law
B/ I don't spend time getting hung up on irrelevant issues like who my MIL or anybody else think my children look like.

And did your own parents find resemblances to you? And if so did you take that amiss as well, and claim they were 'taking ownership'?

For the 99th time of posting this, I'm SO glad to only be a MIL to young men. I don't think I could cope with my every word and action being spun into something negative.

I'm also very glad that the DD who is the mother of my grandchildren is kind and empathetic with her MIL, even though they're quite different people. She knows how much she loves our DGCs and that they love us both.

Everyone said my DS looked like his aunt, my DPs sister. To the point where if we were all out together, complete strangers thought he was her child! It never bothered me, maybe because I can absolutely see me in many of his personality traits.

I found different sides of the family see similarities in " their side" of the family anyway and especially when newborn they all look similar so please don't worry that she hasn't commented.
I have 3 Sons who look similar to me imo but ex mil saw resemblance to their Dad!
Congratulations on your DC

Gosh a lot of this sounds like it was posted by 12 year olds.

Mine was the opposite. Their side all have absolutely terrible hair. DS looked like a potato Botticelli Angel with thick blonde ringlets, now has the kind of hair that only ever looks good. Sorry, rest of Fam, but facts are facts and DMIL had the balls to say it

I think it’s very natural to see resemblance to your own son or daughter as a young child or family members and comment on that. Most children look like a mix of both parents. I have never got offended that MIL said my sons look like my DH, but I was a bit offended when she said DS1 first word was “grandma” 😂

You have phrased this so beautifully.

I think it's completely natural that families look for resemblances to their own family. My DD had ringlets as a toddler, just like I had at that age. However, according to the in-laws she took after some distant cousin with curly hair!
Your MIL said she looks like you both. That's fine, isn't it?
Also I think many people don't see family resemblance until the child is much older.

My daughter (almost 5) looks mind-bogglingly like my mum. She always has. The Italian genes skipped me (or used me as a conduit). I am gingery and blue eyed and I look like my dad. My mum and daughter are dark and cute-featured. They literally have the same face. So much so that nursery staff who had never met my mum laughed in recognition that she HAD to be my daughter's grandma when she first came to pick up. They're also very alike in character. I like it. My MIL, however can NOT acknowledge it. I don't mention it either. She's a mean spirited old witch, despite the fact that we have also created a beautiful boy who is a mini-me of his dad (her son). I am the one with no doppelganger!

TBH folk always say babies look like whatever parent they are talking to, it's meaningless. Two childhood friends, both adopted were often told they looked like mum/dad as children by random adults. (they really didn't!) It's just something to say.

Let's face it, other than differences of ethnicity and amount/colour of hair most newborns look pretty generic!

Don't take offence at this, absolutely not worth it.

Kids change as they grow up though, mine as adults are a pretty good mix of both DH and me. One has DH's height and build, eye and hair colour, but my shape nose, chin and hands. The other has my height and build, DH's eye colour and nose and hands shape but my hair colour and eye shape. DGD (7) looks like a female version mini-me of DSiL so far, but has my eye and hair colour. DGS (4) looks identical to old photos of DH as a child but you can see DSiL in his facial expressions. Genetics are fascinating!

Oddly enough, when the first DGD arrived, I was the only person to see a resemblance to my son in law! Everyone else, including his parents, thought she looked like her mum's sister!

I think I deserve a MIL medal.

Yes YABU. Maybe the baby doesn’t look like you and everyone else is humouring you. You and your husband made the baby - so what’s wrong with the baby looking like your husband? Did you not want the baby to look like your husband or something?

Many years ago, I had my husband’s relatives tell me my beautiful baby daughter looked just like the Great Granny on my husbands side of the family. Can you imagine having your beautiful baby likened to a wizened 101 year old 🤣
Even if it was 100% true - a new mother is never going to see it or agree to it.
Just smile and move on.

To be fair I think most newborns do look like wizened 100 year olds 😂

🙄

Gosh.

I would have seen it more as lovely that they looked at my baby and saw a resemblance to someone they presumably love and cherish.

My DC were the image of me. Whenever anyone commented, which they did, often, MiL would say 'ooh I can see their dad in them'. I'd just say 'yes, so can I, and you as well MiL'. She'd be happy. The DC still looked like me. Jobs a good un.