MIL only one not to say my baby looks like me

[TheAquaFawn]

My MIL never says my baby looks like me. Everyone else - friends, family, strangers, says he’s the spit of me but I noticed she stays quiet and only comments that he looks like her son / my DH and at a push, that he looks like both of us. It’s starting to annoy me, and wonder whether it’s a slight at me, am I being silly? DH isn’t insecure at all that people say he looks more like me and joins in.

I think the other side of the family always notice what's relevant to them; my MIL once blurted out 'I love DGD's beautiful blue eyes they're just like my great uncle's they're clearly from my side of the family' when I have blue eyes, just like everyone is my family ... that was 15 years ago (not over it either lol!)

I laughed out loud when I read your post OP. My daughter is 19 and my MIL was exactly the same. I could have written this way back then. Right from when baby was tiny to toddler and older my MIL would always say she looked like DH. Absolutely everyone else said she looked like me. She very much looks like me, my colouring and build. I always completely ignored it. Often other people would comment to her that she was talking nonsense, Just ignore it. It won’t be intended to mean anything at all. Enjoy your baby. X

Well to be fair one of mine looked like Churchill but the other looked like a little monkey.
Fortunately for her she grew out of it.

My mil is obsessed with how similar my kids are to her own, not just in looks but personality as well. She still mentions it regularly and they're both in primary school! It is a bit annoying, its like she thinks there's nothing of me in them at all, she's never once compared either of them to me. I just smile and nod though and let her enjoy them.

One of my cousins who I hadn't seen for ages came over to me at a family gathering and went on and on about how much my baby looked like me.

It actually wasn't my baby I was holding but my DH's niece so no blood relation to me and my baby was elsewhere.

I teased her about it and she confessed that she always tells new mums their babies look like her, she just assumes that is what mums want to hear.

Moral of the story - it may be that not everyone does agree with you that the baby looks just like you, they might just be agreeing with you or saying what you want to hear.

My SIL is always saying how much her kids look like her, I can't see it at all but it's clearly important to her somehow so I just nod and smile.

My dh's gran thought every child of mine looked like their dad when born. She obviously saw him as a child so they may well have. I didn't take offense. Your kid is yours, you don't need validation from anyone else and quite frankly tbeir faces change as they grow into their features. Stop being annoyed at your mil and let it go.

My son actually looked more like me at first but now looks like a mini copy of his dad, they have similar eyes. Our youngest looks very much like her dad as a toddler but actually I think she looks more like my auntie. The eldest was a mix of both of us but her colouring is from me as are her eyebrows and nose.

My dsis had a baby who was the spit of her DH. Everyone who knew her well enough had the good sense to pretend otherwise. Not sure mil got the memo in time 😬

My child is essentially my little twin, everyone says so, and my MIL does this - it does not bother me in the slightest :) Looks are also about expressions, mannerisms etc. she loves her son and she loves her grandson, she’s naturally going to be the person to see her son where she wants to. I expect I shall be the same if my son ever has a baby. I have a secure relationship with my MIL though - we love each other. It sounds like there’s maybe tension with yours though?

This, she didn't know you as a baby I assume ? But perhaps he doesn't look like you, why does that matter? It's nothing you've done that makes a baby look like they look.

Rolling my eyes hard at everyone trying to make out you are hard work or looking to be offended.

Women go through so much to carry and birth heir children, for MILs to then act like the baby is 100% her son in looks or personality feels like an erasure of the mums hard work and parentage. It is well known that MILs do this and it is well known this upsets mums so lay off.

I agree with PPs who say it's it biological for her to look for her son in the baby to try to bond. My MIL went on and on about how much daughter looked JUST LIKE HER for a few months to the point where she was getting her own baby pictures out. Looks nothing like her 🙄

Ooohh... I bet

Ignore previous post! Realised I was on the wrong thread but pressed post rather than delete
FWIW - remember MIL would have spent hours gazing at your DH when he was a newborn and this is probably bringing back all of those memories and she probably does see a lot of resemblance to her son. I doubt she's doing it intentionally to upset you.

Good grief.

It's possible to see anyone in a baby. And it's natural to notice the things that relate to the people you know best, particularly the ones you knew as babies.

MIL remembers her son as a baby, and if there are traits in your baby that are like her baby son's she's allowed to say so.

MILs can't do right for doing wrong. She loves her grandson, she's looking for a connection. It's natural, it's evolutionary, and it's connections like this that build the instinctive feeling of protection that the human race is built on, and that your baby needs from its extended family.

mines the same OP. never my side lol. I pointed out once i thought Dd looked like my niece as a baby once. She was very quick to tell me she didn’t think so. She’d been quick to point out how much my niece looked like me when she’d met her before. So in a roundabout way was saying she didn’t look like me ( tbh i don’t think she did as a baby). Not a big deal but she’s never made any comment ever on shared traits with me. As she gets older DD is looking like me more and more and i hope it’s annoying her a bit 😂🤣 She did the same with her other grandkids so it’s not personal to me…i don’t think lol

It’s like my Dad 😂 he can’t face it that my DD is the actual image of my DP… with hair on! He always tries to find something that looks like me. If it was the other way then MIL would be the same. They want to find themselves in their DGC that’s all, it probably stings her a little that he looks like you and not DH. It’s not a dig at you, stop taking it personally.

My MIL is the same, as in she will sit there and muse outloud where my son got his blonde hair from, well nobody on her side has blonde hair so it’s really strange, I’m like hello he’a 50% me and I had the same hair colour at his age.

what really takes the biscuit was when she visited after my son was born she said ‘oh are you crying because you look like your mummy, don’t worrry you’ll get used to it’.

she wonders why I stopped making an effort after that

Oh it’s a mother in law thing, mine is exactly the same. They can be so passive toxic

Most people say this because there isn’t a huge amount to say about babies. I actually can’t see why this would bother you unless you were worried your baby wasn’t yours but that tends to be more of a problem for men.

So what. She probably sees her son in him. Why on earth would you think it a personal slight?

I'll tell you what one if those is. After three miscarriages and DS 2 dying at a few hours old, MIL said it was a shame I couldn't perform.

I think you need some perspective.

I think both sides can do this though?

My SIL goes on and on about how much her kids look like her (they don't..) and wonders about where the blond comes from - err, fairly obviously from her in-laws as her mil and my DH are both blond

Almost no babies look like either parent at that age. It's just one of those conventional pleasantries people trot out to show an interest in your child. You're massively over thinking it.

OP she might know it but is worried that her son IS bothered. My son looks like my OH but I wish just ONE person had lied and said they could see a resemblance to me in those first few weeks. I didn't care at first but after the endless 'omg he's the Double of x, I can't see you in him at all' it does crazy stuff to your brain and does start to hurt. She might be worried that will happen.

People see different likenesses in babies. I wouldn't read into this.

Mostly, babies take after turnips, no matterhow lovely we think they are!
They don't look like either parent for quite some years, please don't let her get to you

Many a time I was told my DS looked like me. He was adopted and definitely resembled his birth mother.

Maybe MIL is the one being the most truthful?

Or maybe she recognises facial features she saw in other babies in their family?

It's really not an issue. Either there are other things you are not mentioning or you are looking for faults where none exist.