Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

That idea is crazy.

My kids have always shared a room at some point. I have four kids, and four bedrooms, someone has to share. Over the years it's varied, most recently my eldest (teenager) shared with my youngest (age 6).

Now that eldest is in her own place the others all have their own rooms for the first time.

We are pretty solidly middle class, and are by no means poor.

Your dc are tiny. I’ve found that teens really do need their own space. Little ones like sharing! But as you’ll have 3 bedrooms, there will be enough rooms anyway? You’ll likely just not have a spare room when they’re older?

I grew up in a large 5 bed & shared out of choice. Now have a 3 bed worth about 800k & dc share currently. I think if I claimed poverty I would be chastised?

Yabu.... can't believe you'd have your DC share a room just so you can have a guest room.

Your friends comment is irrelevant. Your DC can have a room each...you are just choosing to prioritise guests.

Wow not anywhere near a sign of poverty.
How privileged and out of touch with reality your friend must be.

Tell her to mind her own business. It won't be her paying your mortgage!!!

My parents were both doctors, so definitely not poor. I shared a room with my DSis as my grandfather lived with us.

Sounds like absolute rubbish to me. Separate bedrooms are lovely, but I can't imagine people having a stable, mortgage free home being considered impoverished 😳.

Yabu.... can't believe you'd have your DC share a room just so you can have a guest room.

my spare room is a dumping ground currently

I wouldn't say "poverty" but it's not what I would choose. And I find the idea of having your kids share when you have a spare room quite odd TBH.

It will depend on your kids but I think ours are much happier in separate rooms:

1. they can have different sleep schedules - my older one likes to read for a couple of hours at night which would disturb the younger one who goes to bed earlier. The younger one gets up early and would disturb the other one.

2. they have their own space from each other. They get on really well but not having their own space would make them really unhappy.

3. when they get to an age where they have friends over, sleepovers etc, they will need their own space

4. these days not many kids leave home at 18, as young adults they won't be that keen to share

People used to have more dc than today & houses haven’t got bigger so did we all grow up in poverty?

I think any more than two sharing can be a sign of poverty.

Yes, that's true. If they get to 11/12 and don't want to share any longer we'll have a 'proper' sofa bed in the front room and use that for guests, and make the small room into a bedroom. It's just so small in comparison to the other two!

It's not what I'd choose myself but I don't get why anyone would offer an unsolicited opinion on this. Besides if the room sharing doesn't work out later on then you just move one to the spare room and reconsider your housing options. It's not like it's set in stone.

Well our income is around 220k and our kids share a room. We‘re by no means poor. If I thought so I would be an idiot.
Your friend is being very silly indeed if she thinks this is an indicator of poverty.

I think it totally depends on context. If you live in central London you might be well-off but only have a small property. However, it seems crazy to keep a room for guests who are only there occasionally rather than let your own DC have the space. Maybe ok while.they are very small but I wouldn't expect them to share once they start school if you have another room. Just get them to share on occasions when you have people staying.

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

It is a sign when the children are opposite sex and teenagers, or any sex and wide age gap- say a 3yr old and a 12yr old, or more than 2 children sharing a room.

A baby and a toddler sharing a double bedroom isn’t what people mean when they talk about children sharing a room being a sign of poverty.

Finally a sign of poverty means it is one of many signs needed to determine poverty. Other signs are food insecurity, fuel insecurity, joblessness, disability, etc. By itself, it isn’t enough to determine poverty.

You do what suits you and your family.

Of course children sharing a room is not a sign of poverty. And even if a lot of people do have to have their children sharing rooms because they can't afford a bigger home what right has she to sit in judgement on them?
A lot of people are poor. That doesn't make them lesser human beings to be looked down on.

Very much depends on where you live tbh. With London rents etc I would imagine it's pretty normal. Probably easier to get more bedroom space if you live in Doncaster...

Everyone will have different opinions & ideas of the life they envisage. Plenty of people would not like my 800k terrace in London & would move further out for a big house but that would be hell for me, neither of us are wrong just different likes & wants.

It’s clearly not a sign of poverty if you have enough space but are choosing to have same sex DC sharing for practical reasons - particularly not since they’re very young and have no concept of personal space or privacy, and presumably only use their bedroom to sleep in. Having three or more older children sharing a room I suspect most people would acknowledge is unlikely to be something done through choice and yes, is probably a sign of financial constraint.

I mean it can be a sign of poverty...or not.

Like, skipping breakfast could be a sign of poverty....it could also be a sign that you weren't hungry or didn't have time to have anything.

My son’s friend is one of two kids and they both have separate bedrooms, overheard the friend asking does he not hate sharing and my son said ‘but we chat every night! are you not bored on your own?’ I listened for a while and both were trying to see the other’s point of view so I definitely think it’s to each their own. We have a spare room that the kids use for homework etc and if any of them asked for it and they all agreed I’d say go for it but both bedrooms (I’ve 4 boys) are full of chat each night and I’m happy with that

Under the legal definition of overcrowding your two DDs would be expected to be able to share a room without the house counting as overcrowded.

I think the cultural expectation on this has shifted over the last few decades as family sizes have shrunk. There's an expectation that every child will have their own room.

It reminds me of the difference between absolute and relative poverty. So I think I would say that it's a sign of relative poverty, but not of absolute poverty.

I'd expect your DDs will want separate rooms when they are older.

At 1 & 3 your kids will be happier sharing a room. When they hit their teenage years you may wish to reassess as you have the space they can move into.

The point is you have the option of splitting them and are choosing to keep them together. You also have the option of getting a mortgage on a 4 bed place if you need or want to. You are discussing your large inheritance which shows you don't need to be concerned about your children living in poverty. You can't be that naive that you are unaware that there are families of 6 or more living in 2 bed flats with all kids sharing together who don't have the choices you have who are living in poverty. Your query comes across as insincere and insensitive.