Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

Having a spare room is not a sign of poverty, no. 🤷‍♀️

This for me too. Why prioritise guests who come periodically over children who actually live there? Makes no sense to me. It’s fine for now I guess as they are small. I assume they will get a room each when they are older?

Well I guess they needed something easy for show and tell. Actual measures of wealth, like investments and being able to just buy a new washing machine if it breaks is probably beyond their comprehension.

@itsgettingweird So many views precisely because it really depends on the individual sibling dynamics, and the opportunity cost of the bedroom.

I know some families for example kids share but they have a PT working parent and money for a lot of sporting opportunities etc. The kids are always in training or competing. They certainly wouldn't benefit from having their own bedrooms to sit in at the expense of all the activities they enjoy...

My kids shares a room.
We had a new car every other year.
We had 3 abroad holidays every year including skiing.
The kids had a bloody expensive hobby
We had a lot of disposable income waxj month and had a great lifestyle.
We were not poverty struck at all.

Sounds like my friend who once told me that getting on a bus was a sign of failure as Mrs Thatcher had said so.
What can I say? I hate driving. Love any transport where I’m not at the wheel.
You can work out the small room when the time comes.
Poverty is children going to school with no breakfast in them, and no hope of warm meal when they get home. The 350,000 people in this country not on the streets but shoved into hostels where they are piled in.
It is not a happy mortgage-free family with a secure future.
Also poverty can be meanness of spirit, looking down on others, lacking in empathy and generally being an arse.

I'm not poor but I have three kids sharing one bedroom! I've got four kids and live in a three bed house and four bed housed to rent are like gold dust

I think that’s the correct way to look at this.

I’d agree about sharing if they were older or if one was disturbing the other but at their age I think it’s fine. Once one of them expresses a desire to have their own room though then that would take priority over a guest room.

My two shared a room up until the older one went to seniors simply because they liked it.

This isn't to scale but just to give an idea of why we can't do much layout wise to make the small bedroom bigger/add in extra windows etc. it's a terrace, so houses on both sides.

Bigger bedroom at the front is ours, big back bedroom is DC, little bedroom is spare.

What nonsense this is! And snobbish. It's fine for young children to share rooms, though some teenagers might struggle with it; but in your case you have a small room to offer one of them if they don't get on in 10 years' time.
If your friend believes that 'poverty' is living in a nice 3-bed house, mortgage-free so that income is available for other things, she has no clue how many families live in this country.

If you have one 'sign of poverty' in your lifestyle it doesn't mean you're impoverished! I remember doing this research thing and we had to ask all these indeces of poverty to kids.
They were all things like do you have Nike Trainers? Do you have a tablet? A gaming pc? A TV in your room? One was to do with sharing rooms. But a lot of it was people in genuinely really overcrowded social housing. Like 8 people in a two bed flat. Overcrowding of that nature can lead to reduction in children's achievements/ health outcomes statistically.
But not a family who owns their own spacious home mortgage free and chooses to have their kids share one large bedroom. If your mate genuinely thinks you're in 'poverty' she should visit half the borough of Tower Hamlets.

I think that taking on a larger than strictly necessary mortgage at this time would be less than sensible.
My choice would be to live comfortably with days out and 'treats' rather than scrimp and feel under pressure. There are great benefits from having regular contact with friends and relatives. These may not be obvious now but when they look back they will recognise them.

I don't think it's a sign of poverty (especially if you own the housed outright!), but I wouldn't buy a house with 2 big bedrooms and a box for a family of 4. Your girls will almost certainly want their own rooms when they are older, so I'd buy a house with 3 decent sized bedrooms (or 4 if you want a dedicated guest room) now. I guess the only exception would be if the house you're buying has scope to extend (loft conversion?) in the future when your little ones become big ones and you need more space.

Context is everything OP. It can and I believe is used as an indicator of poverty, but obviously it would be along with other issues eg not enough money for food/heating

On its own room sharing wouldn’t necessarily be a sign of poverty no.

From the situation you have described obviously room sharing Isn’t a sign of poverty, but your friend isn’t necessarily wrong either if you see what I mean

We did this OP - when our oldest were younger they shared and it wasn't until they were teenagers they wanted their own rooms for privacy, studying, having friends around. I don't think it is uncommon for two siblings to share when they are younger and having a spare room for guests, office etc. Things change when they get older.

I love a floorplan.
If the wall between the two front bedrooms is not a supporting wall, you could quite easily knock it down and rebuild it closer to the left hand window. The doors are already in the right place so it would be a relatively small job, and would make two rooms of almost equal size. Then you and DH could have the back bedroom and DCs could have a room each. If you all want to do that! They will likely be happy sharing for many years. A sofa bed downstairs would do for guests.

DSis and I chose to shares when we were young. When I was 9 or 10 I requested my own room.

Not a sign of poverty but I certainly wouldn’t prioritise a guest room over my children having their own rooms. We have a 3 bed house and 2 children. If someone comes to stay (which is relatively frequently) they sleep in one of the kids rooms and I move them in together for that night/few nights. I don’t think a guest room is essential

as a teenager I would babysit for a family, they had two girls and lived in a 5 bed 2 bathroom house. Drove expensive cars and girls at private school. They had a panic button at the front door etc

The girls shared a room, tbh I never thought anything of it, but its amazing to now find out this was a sign of poverty.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/148173332#/media?activePlan=1&id=media15&ref=floorPlanPage&channel=RES_BUY

I have a feeling this is the property

It sounds like it works for you now but it's unlikely to for the long term. Those 2 years seem much smaller when kids are tiny but when you have an 11 and 9 year old on your hands things will be very different.

I do think kids need their own space as they get older. I certainly don't think they should be sharing rooms once they hit secondary age, especially when there is a room for them but it's kept for visitors.

I couldn't do that to my child, personally.

No need to move, just tell visitors they're on a pull out downstairs and let the kids have their own rooms. Maybe take out a small loan for an extension or outbuilding for visitors to stay in?

Until last year my DS was sleeping in a bed with a cast iron bedstead which is over 100 yrs old. He is 6’3” and kept getting his feet caught in the bars at the foot end so we replaced it. A lot of our furniture is old family stuff. It is incredibly well made and doesn’t fall apart after a couple of years.
one of the girls at work couldn’t get her head round the fact I spent £££ on new loose covers for my 2 sofas which are 25 yrs old.
I suppose it is just different levels of value.
Buying furniture, white goods and clothing that last is more important than following the current trends.
Sharing bedrooms is often a choice, my sister and I did, despite having our own rooms. As teenagers we wanted more space so shared a large room rather than having two small rooms. We even had adult bunk beds to maximise floor space. My mum used the smaller bedroom for sewing and as a guest room. We lived in a big house so the small rooms were still large enough for double beds.

I suspect your friend is a bit of a social climber who enjoys pointing out how much better she is than you. I bet her house is painted grey and she has panelling in every room. Has inspirational quotes on the kitchen and downstairs loo walls and LED strips up the stairs which have glass panels.

Your kids can share until the eldest is about 10 then you'll have to give up the guest room for them to have separate rooms but you'll have saved on 7 years of mortgage interest

Your friend is a terrible snob who is lacking a grasp on reality if she genuinely thinks that room sharing has anything to do with poverty.

My 4 and 6 year olds share a bedroom in our tiny cottage. It’s in a very lovely village (with obscene house prices - we’re looking at upwards of 500k to move around the corner and gain another bedroom). They have a lovely rural lifestyle, with everything that they need. We have two incomes, the children are able to enjoy extra curricular activities, they are well fed, they have toys, books, bikes etc. This is not poverty.

I have literally visited families of four living in a single bedroom. I’ve been to council flats with no flooring, no curtains/blinds, and no food in the cupboards. THAT is poverty.

You’re aware this isn’t law? There is nothing to say that a 10 year old NEEDS their own bedroom.

There’s nothing wrong with sharing, especially when little but in an ideal situation they should have their own rooms when they get to a certain age. Keeping a room empty for guests wouldn’t make sense (saw your update you would change this anyway) unless your guests are there for a significant length of time.

how often would you have guests. If not often then they could share temporarily when the guests stay and give the guest their room.